In Tuesday’s free newsletter I talked about my experience registering my kids for camp and shared data suggesting that getting American kids into summer camp is an exclusive, expensive mess. I also talked about the fact that moms tend to do most of the mental gymnastics involved in finding summer childcare, and that they are most often the ones who have to change their job schedules to accommodate childcare gaps.
There is one childcare center in my town. One. In the next town over, 5 miles away, there are several head start centers, which I don’t qualify for, and nothing else except for unlicensed home care. And then there’s nothing for tens of miles.
The center in my town is associated with my employer, so employees get priority. Good for me, right? I put my 1st kid on the list when I first got pregnant with him. A part time (3 days/week) spot opened up for him when he was 6 months old, 2 full months after I had to go back to work full time. A full time spot opened up when he was 9 months old, a full year and 6 months after I’d put him on the list. Those five months of working full time with 3 days a week of childcare while still sleep deprived and pumping and all the rest of the baby stuff were hell. We hired some college student to watch him a few hours a week, and we both have semi-flexible schedules (I’m a college professor), so on the day I didn’t teach I’d stay home with the baby. I’d make up the lost hours grading and doing course prep late into the night. I was exhausted.
I thought with my 2nd it would be easier, because she was due in June, and at our center a bunch of slots open up in the summer and fall as preschoolers move up to kindergarten and then toddlers are able to move to preschool. But she was born in June 2020, so that all went to hell. Our daycare center closed in March 2020, and when it reopened in the summer, it did so at reduced enrollment. We lost our spot for our son. They didn’t return to full enrollment until late March 2021, a full 54 weeks after they closed. So we had a toddler and a baby while trying to work from home with no childcare available for a full year. It nearly broke us. We managed by trading childcare with other parents in the same situation and hiring college students to baby sit a few hours a week.
The childcare situation in this country is terrible. It’s a disgrace. And you’re right, it’s because the patriarchy.
OMG Natalie, this is horrific. How can your employer expect parents to work if there's not enough childcare in the area? It's so short-sighted, too, because I imagine parents' productivity would be so much higher if your employer expanded their childcare program. They'd end up making the money back and more. And yet they put you through hell instead. I'm so very sorry that you've been experiencing this. The way our country treats parents is abominable.
Thanks! Yes, faculty have made the same argument. The building the center is in is completely full, and we’d been pushing for more physical space to grow the center for years. The college is building a new building next door to effectively double the childcare spaces available, but it won’t go online for another few years.
We had a childcare crisis that eventually sorted itself out, but was stressful at the time. I live in New York, and there are options here for childcare centers in most neighborhoods, but often they are all expensive. Or they are Head Start programs that I don't qualify for. When my son was born, there were only 4 centers we could use within a mile walking distance of our house accepted children under 2. We found one that we liked that was middle of the road on pricing, and my son stayed there from when he was 3 months until he was 3 years and a few months (with a pandemic closure of 5 months in 2020).
Then we were told in late November 2022 that the center didn't pass a health inspection because of a paperwork error with the new school director. They said that they didn't have the right licensing for kids over 3, so my son's classroom was being shut down and we had 2 weeks to find a new daycare solution. This message was delivered after the center lied that the issue was with a leaky pipe in one of the bathrooms. We were told this the week before Thanksgiving, and we were planning to be out of town that entire week, and so we really had just one week to find a new place.
I toured multiple schools and created a spreadsheet. It was all me because I have the more flexible work-from-home job. We were stressed out because the public schools with 3K weren't taking mid-year students, and private preschools were hideously expensive - some of them were double what we were paying before. We lucked out that we found a great daycare center that participates in the public 3K program, so we only have to pay for before school and after school care. My son loves the new school and only paying for extended care is cheaper, so it's a win-win ultimately, but it was still a stressful situation that required many changes to our family routine.
We found out from a neighbor that the week after we left the previous center, the whole thing was shut down. There were three other classrooms, and it left parents scrambling for care. My heart goes out to the teachers who were fabulous and had nothing to do with the problems, and for all of the parents with kids under 2 who have very limited choices in the neighborhood.
"Have you had to make a sacrifice because you couldn’t fill a childcare need?"
When I read this sentence I got super emotional. There have been countless times I've had to make a sacrifice because I couldn't fill a childcare need. I chose to have kids and love them to Pluto and back, but it's so hard trying to balance "Jillian" and "mom." At this point in time, I'm a stay at home parent because of chronic illness and my kids both have high support needs (read: lots of appointments, calls from school, etc.). My spouse works in healthcare so he is frequently working very long hours, and the hospital where he works is 2 hours away, so he stays out there when he's working the next day. Even if I went back to work, I wouldn't make enough to justify the cost of childcare. I've been looking for some help a few hours a week because with my illnesses sometimes it's impossible for me to do certain tasks that my kids need help with when my spouse is out of town, but I can't find anyone that's qualified to work with kiddos with high support needs that I can afford. It's frustrating and infuriating and I'm thankful for the privilege our family has of my spouse's salary keeping us afloat, but this country NEEDS to do better with childcare and paid parental leave.
Thank you. <3 btw, your newsletter on Tuesday really resonated with my friends SO much--and it was validating to see someone not just talking about it, but writing about it. We appreciate you!
After much soul searching, I quit my job in tech when my oldest was around 18-months, shortly before he was diagnosed with autism. My husband's job paid a lot more than mine but was starting to require more travel. My WFH job frequently had inconsistent hours (calls with various parts of the globe) which aggravated my chronic illness while my husband had a long commute and long hours. It just wasn't sustainable to juggle childcare around two inconsistent schedules especially with a kid who didn't do well with changes in routine! And then we got the diagnosis and the long hours of doctors appointments, speech therapy, evaluations, ABA, regional center visits....
I don't regret any of it, and I also recognize how privileged I am that I have a partner with a job with great healthcare that can support our family on one income, but I miss having an identity outside of "x's mom".
Thank you so much for sharing and for your empathy. That is a heavy burden to carry. I see you. You're doing an amazing job, but I sure wish we had more support.
You're doing a great job, too, and I hope you find someone able to support you. I wish there weren't so many of us in the same boat...
I have friends with kids who qualify for respite care but the amount the state will pay is so low that they can't find anyone who'll actually accept it.
My daughter had an articulation disorder that made her unintelligible 50% of the time to her peers and her teacher. Her IEP qualified for 90 minutes of speech a month. 90 minutes! If we hadn't had the ability to pay for private speech I don't even know where we'd be now.
I don't know where I'm going with this - just frustration at everything and what our society choses to spend money on.
My favorite recent *headdesk* story in this arena is about an incredibly popular childcare program where I live — they offer daycare, preschool, after school, and summer camp. We use them for after school and are sending our kid there for summer camp.
So here's the deal: They require you to pay by the week for summer camp. And their after school program ends June 23, but our actual last day of school (for public schools, anyway) is June 27. So there is no after school for June 26 or 27. And then, if you want summer camp for that first half-week of summer, you have to pay for the two days you can't use. Nope, they cannot pick up your kid from school and let him attend summer camp for the afternoon.
When I asked the administration about this situation, they said that a lot of kids just skip the last two days of school and start camp early. Uhhhh………
Luckily, I live in an area with a lot of summer options, and found another camp to send my kid to for those first three days of summer (you pay by the day for that one!). But I just found it so funny that this is simply the way they do things, despite serving mostly public school students who are all on the same DOE calendar!
Oof! Yeah, bonkers. What do they think working parents are going to do?! We have also had delays between when school ends and our local camps begin. Very cool there is a by-day camp option — we need more of those!!!!
I’m so baffled how in a country like the US this basic element of any family life is not easy & available & affordable. I just took my family to my native Scandinavia for 5 months & it was like living in Mom Utopia. No one makes sacrifices like this. Why isn’t there a referendum to decide for quality childcare & maternity leave which are the pillars of a 1st world society & economy?
My cousin had infant twins and is low-income, though not low enough to qualify for Early Head Start. She works as a restaurant server four days a week while her husband watches the twins while WFH in sales. They don’t have family nearby to help - all grandparents live out of state. They can’t find a nanny or daycare that they can afford. I worry about her constantly and wish I lived closer so I could help with babysitting and meals. The childcare system in this country is truly broken.
I am due with my fourth baby in the end of August and there are absolutely no summer camps whatsoever the last two weeks of august in my town! So frustrating!
Camp also just doesn't work for some kids. Last year my first grader was exhausted all summer from entering new social environments every week and having to learn to navigate them. Both my husband and I work from home so we have scaled back camp this summer but I'm not sure what will take it's place and I'm very stressed about the inevitable interruptions to my workday. It occurred to me we could buy a lot of Legos for $300/week and still save money compared to sending him to camp, so maybe that's the plan?
There is one childcare center in my town. One. In the next town over, 5 miles away, there are several head start centers, which I don’t qualify for, and nothing else except for unlicensed home care. And then there’s nothing for tens of miles.
The center in my town is associated with my employer, so employees get priority. Good for me, right? I put my 1st kid on the list when I first got pregnant with him. A part time (3 days/week) spot opened up for him when he was 6 months old, 2 full months after I had to go back to work full time. A full time spot opened up when he was 9 months old, a full year and 6 months after I’d put him on the list. Those five months of working full time with 3 days a week of childcare while still sleep deprived and pumping and all the rest of the baby stuff were hell. We hired some college student to watch him a few hours a week, and we both have semi-flexible schedules (I’m a college professor), so on the day I didn’t teach I’d stay home with the baby. I’d make up the lost hours grading and doing course prep late into the night. I was exhausted.
I thought with my 2nd it would be easier, because she was due in June, and at our center a bunch of slots open up in the summer and fall as preschoolers move up to kindergarten and then toddlers are able to move to preschool. But she was born in June 2020, so that all went to hell. Our daycare center closed in March 2020, and when it reopened in the summer, it did so at reduced enrollment. We lost our spot for our son. They didn’t return to full enrollment until late March 2021, a full 54 weeks after they closed. So we had a toddler and a baby while trying to work from home with no childcare available for a full year. It nearly broke us. We managed by trading childcare with other parents in the same situation and hiring college students to baby sit a few hours a week.
The childcare situation in this country is terrible. It’s a disgrace. And you’re right, it’s because the patriarchy.
OMG Natalie, this is horrific. How can your employer expect parents to work if there's not enough childcare in the area? It's so short-sighted, too, because I imagine parents' productivity would be so much higher if your employer expanded their childcare program. They'd end up making the money back and more. And yet they put you through hell instead. I'm so very sorry that you've been experiencing this. The way our country treats parents is abominable.
Thanks! Yes, faculty have made the same argument. The building the center is in is completely full, and we’d been pushing for more physical space to grow the center for years. The college is building a new building next door to effectively double the childcare spaces available, but it won’t go online for another few years.
Ugh, and by that point you won't need it. Isn't that always the way.
We had a childcare crisis that eventually sorted itself out, but was stressful at the time. I live in New York, and there are options here for childcare centers in most neighborhoods, but often they are all expensive. Or they are Head Start programs that I don't qualify for. When my son was born, there were only 4 centers we could use within a mile walking distance of our house accepted children under 2. We found one that we liked that was middle of the road on pricing, and my son stayed there from when he was 3 months until he was 3 years and a few months (with a pandemic closure of 5 months in 2020).
Then we were told in late November 2022 that the center didn't pass a health inspection because of a paperwork error with the new school director. They said that they didn't have the right licensing for kids over 3, so my son's classroom was being shut down and we had 2 weeks to find a new daycare solution. This message was delivered after the center lied that the issue was with a leaky pipe in one of the bathrooms. We were told this the week before Thanksgiving, and we were planning to be out of town that entire week, and so we really had just one week to find a new place.
I toured multiple schools and created a spreadsheet. It was all me because I have the more flexible work-from-home job. We were stressed out because the public schools with 3K weren't taking mid-year students, and private preschools were hideously expensive - some of them were double what we were paying before. We lucked out that we found a great daycare center that participates in the public 3K program, so we only have to pay for before school and after school care. My son loves the new school and only paying for extended care is cheaper, so it's a win-win ultimately, but it was still a stressful situation that required many changes to our family routine.
We found out from a neighbor that the week after we left the previous center, the whole thing was shut down. There were three other classrooms, and it left parents scrambling for care. My heart goes out to the teachers who were fabulous and had nothing to do with the problems, and for all of the parents with kids under 2 who have very limited choices in the neighborhood.
Wow…… what a nightmare. I’m glad you found a great alternative! But also really feel for the other families.
"Have you had to make a sacrifice because you couldn’t fill a childcare need?"
When I read this sentence I got super emotional. There have been countless times I've had to make a sacrifice because I couldn't fill a childcare need. I chose to have kids and love them to Pluto and back, but it's so hard trying to balance "Jillian" and "mom." At this point in time, I'm a stay at home parent because of chronic illness and my kids both have high support needs (read: lots of appointments, calls from school, etc.). My spouse works in healthcare so he is frequently working very long hours, and the hospital where he works is 2 hours away, so he stays out there when he's working the next day. Even if I went back to work, I wouldn't make enough to justify the cost of childcare. I've been looking for some help a few hours a week because with my illnesses sometimes it's impossible for me to do certain tasks that my kids need help with when my spouse is out of town, but I can't find anyone that's qualified to work with kiddos with high support needs that I can afford. It's frustrating and infuriating and I'm thankful for the privilege our family has of my spouse's salary keeping us afloat, but this country NEEDS to do better with childcare and paid parental leave.
AMEN. Jillian, thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for all you’ve been dealing with. It sounds really hard. ❤️❤️
Thank you. <3 btw, your newsletter on Tuesday really resonated with my friends SO much--and it was validating to see someone not just talking about it, but writing about it. We appreciate you!
I feel this!
After much soul searching, I quit my job in tech when my oldest was around 18-months, shortly before he was diagnosed with autism. My husband's job paid a lot more than mine but was starting to require more travel. My WFH job frequently had inconsistent hours (calls with various parts of the globe) which aggravated my chronic illness while my husband had a long commute and long hours. It just wasn't sustainable to juggle childcare around two inconsistent schedules especially with a kid who didn't do well with changes in routine! And then we got the diagnosis and the long hours of doctors appointments, speech therapy, evaluations, ABA, regional center visits....
I don't regret any of it, and I also recognize how privileged I am that I have a partner with a job with great healthcare that can support our family on one income, but I miss having an identity outside of "x's mom".
Thank you so much for sharing and for your empathy. That is a heavy burden to carry. I see you. You're doing an amazing job, but I sure wish we had more support.
You're doing a great job, too, and I hope you find someone able to support you. I wish there weren't so many of us in the same boat...
I have friends with kids who qualify for respite care but the amount the state will pay is so low that they can't find anyone who'll actually accept it.
My daughter had an articulation disorder that made her unintelligible 50% of the time to her peers and her teacher. Her IEP qualified for 90 minutes of speech a month. 90 minutes! If we hadn't had the ability to pay for private speech I don't even know where we'd be now.
I don't know where I'm going with this - just frustration at everything and what our society choses to spend money on.
My favorite recent *headdesk* story in this arena is about an incredibly popular childcare program where I live — they offer daycare, preschool, after school, and summer camp. We use them for after school and are sending our kid there for summer camp.
So here's the deal: They require you to pay by the week for summer camp. And their after school program ends June 23, but our actual last day of school (for public schools, anyway) is June 27. So there is no after school for June 26 or 27. And then, if you want summer camp for that first half-week of summer, you have to pay for the two days you can't use. Nope, they cannot pick up your kid from school and let him attend summer camp for the afternoon.
When I asked the administration about this situation, they said that a lot of kids just skip the last two days of school and start camp early. Uhhhh………
Luckily, I live in an area with a lot of summer options, and found another camp to send my kid to for those first three days of summer (you pay by the day for that one!). But I just found it so funny that this is simply the way they do things, despite serving mostly public school students who are all on the same DOE calendar!
Oof! Yeah, bonkers. What do they think working parents are going to do?! We have also had delays between when school ends and our local camps begin. Very cool there is a by-day camp option — we need more of those!!!!
I’m so baffled how in a country like the US this basic element of any family life is not easy & available & affordable. I just took my family to my native Scandinavia for 5 months & it was like living in Mom Utopia. No one makes sacrifices like this. Why isn’t there a referendum to decide for quality childcare & maternity leave which are the pillars of a 1st world society & economy?
👏👏👏
My cousin had infant twins and is low-income, though not low enough to qualify for Early Head Start. She works as a restaurant server four days a week while her husband watches the twins while WFH in sales. They don’t have family nearby to help - all grandparents live out of state. They can’t find a nanny or daycare that they can afford. I worry about her constantly and wish I lived closer so I could help with babysitting and meals. The childcare system in this country is truly broken.
So broken. Thanks for sharing. 💔
I am due with my fourth baby in the end of August and there are absolutely no summer camps whatsoever the last two weeks of august in my town! So frustrating!
YES SAME HERE!!!
Camp also just doesn't work for some kids. Last year my first grader was exhausted all summer from entering new social environments every week and having to learn to navigate them. Both my husband and I work from home so we have scaled back camp this summer but I'm not sure what will take it's place and I'm very stressed about the inevitable interruptions to my workday. It occurred to me we could buy a lot of Legos for $300/week and still save money compared to sending him to camp, so maybe that's the plan?
Such a good point. Camp can be tough for so many kids and so many reasons.