Weekly thread: Your Childcare (and Camp) Horror Stories
In Tuesday’s free newsletter I talked about my experience registering my kids for camp and shared data suggesting that getting American kids into summer camp is an exclusive, expensive mess. I also talked about the fact that moms tend to do most of the mental gymnastics involved in finding summer childcare, and that they are most often the ones who have to change their job schedules to accommodate childcare gaps.
Today, I want to hear your horror stories. When have you had a particularly grim experience securing childcare, and what happened? Have you had to make a sacrifice because you couldn’t fill a childcare need? All kinds of stories are welcome — funny, sad, infuriating. Vent away, and we will send you virtual hugs.
There is one childcare center in my town. One. In the next town over, 5 miles away, there are several head start centers, which I don’t qualify for, and nothing else except for unlicensed home care. And then there’s nothing for tens of miles.
The center in my town is associated with my employer, so employees get priority. Good for me, right? I put my 1st kid on the list when I first got pregnant with him. A part time (3 days/week) spot opened up for him when he was 6 months old, 2 full months after I had to go back to work full time. A full time spot opened up when he was 9 months old, a full year and 6 months after I’d put him on the list. Those five months of working full time with 3 days a week of childcare while still sleep deprived and pumping and all the rest of the baby stuff were hell. We hired some college student to watch him a few hours a week, and we both have semi-flexible schedules (I’m a college professor), so on the day I didn’t teach I’d stay home with the baby. I’d make up the lost hours grading and doing course prep late into the night. I was exhausted.
I thought with my 2nd it would be easier, because she was due in June, and at our center a bunch of slots open up in the summer and fall as preschoolers move up to kindergarten and then toddlers are able to move to preschool. But she was born in June 2020, so that all went to hell. Our daycare center closed in March 2020, and when it reopened in the summer, it did so at reduced enrollment. We lost our spot for our son. They didn’t return to full enrollment until late March 2021, a full 54 weeks after they closed. So we had a toddler and a baby while trying to work from home with no childcare available for a full year. It nearly broke us. We managed by trading childcare with other parents in the same situation and hiring college students to baby sit a few hours a week.
The childcare situation in this country is terrible. It’s a disgrace. And you’re right, it’s because the patriarchy.
"Have you had to make a sacrifice because you couldn’t fill a childcare need?"
When I read this sentence I got super emotional. There have been countless times I've had to make a sacrifice because I couldn't fill a childcare need. I chose to have kids and love them to Pluto and back, but it's so hard trying to balance "Jillian" and "mom." At this point in time, I'm a stay at home parent because of chronic illness and my kids both have high support needs (read: lots of appointments, calls from school, etc.). My spouse works in healthcare so he is frequently working very long hours, and the hospital where he works is 2 hours away, so he stays out there when he's working the next day. Even if I went back to work, I wouldn't make enough to justify the cost of childcare. I've been looking for some help a few hours a week because with my illnesses sometimes it's impossible for me to do certain tasks that my kids need help with when my spouse is out of town, but I can't find anyone that's qualified to work with kiddos with high support needs that I can afford. It's frustrating and infuriating and I'm thankful for the privilege our family has of my spouse's salary keeping us afloat, but this country NEEDS to do better with childcare and paid parental leave.