My daughter somehow has *everything* on one day: preschool graduation at 10, kindergarten orientation at 1:30, and her dance recital at 4. It's daunting!
So many classroom parties, school parties, dance performances, and birthday parties. I love it all so much but not sure when I can write! I know in the parking lot!
The day after, we brought our kid to school with a gigantic bandage on his head, expecting his teacher to express some basic curiosity or concern about it. But when we handed him off, all she said was, “It’s really urgent that he come in tomorrow with the white t-shirt we requested this week. We need to decorate them in time for the end of school picnic.”
Like... what? When that is framed the most urgent thing, in this situation --or any situation! -- we have lost the plot. And I say this as an educator myself, who understands that sometimes, the pressure is put on teachers from above or outside, and it’s getting to them too in weird ways.
Anne Helen Petersen had a great piece about Spirit Days a while back that captures this vibe really well -- the “death march of fun” feeling that everyone involved in preK-12 seems to get trapped in at certain times of the year, and the importance of asking if anyone is actually still enjoying themselves at this point, or if we can just finally let some of this ish go.
End of year mental load is SO REALLLL. Back when I was in the hell of summer camp planning, my husband recognized that he wasn't doing enough mental load work and asked what he could take on and I said (for starters) "every random email the school sends about stuff to send in or sign or venmo." He's doing it and it's making my end of year so much less frenetic-feeling so yay for making labor visible!
But he's also away at a conference this week, and continuing to respond to school venmo requests from there but it means I'm doing the art show/concert schedule solo. I don't mind TOO much because kids performing gives me so much joy, but the logistics of wardrobe requirements and timing and all that are A LOT. (Grateful to Last December Me who ordered the chorus uniform in two sizes because I realized last night that I'm pretty sure my 9 year old has had a growth spurt since the last concert and what she wore then will not fit! But gah!)
Also we just pretty much opted out of the 26 days of fun nonsense. My kids couldn't figure out why it would be interesting to bring in beach towels on Monday and without him here to remember what letter/assignment we're on, I just... refuse to care or sell them on it. Seems fine!
"my husband recognized that he wasn't doing enough mental load work and asked what he could take on" -- amazing. Sorry though that he's out of town this week, oof!
We forgot the beach towels on Monday and survived, so yeah. Going to stress less about the 26 days of fun now....
I hear you on the logistics. So hard when solo parenting. Yesterday I picked my 8yo up from school, drove her 30min to gymnastics practice, cancelled her 5pm piano lesson because I realized that was impossible, rushed home, oversaw one kid's wardrobe change and the other's homework while making the fastest dinner ever, which they had to eat in the car on the way to the concert....
Whew! Yes, it's his work's annual retreat and the date gets locked in months in advance (before we had school dates) and so OF COURSE it's this week! My mom is coming to everything so the kids still have a good cheering section, but dinner is def a lot of takeout/bowls of Cheerios this week! Thank god for Instacart and Uber Eats.
I don't understand WHY it all has to be at the same time? Seems to me like having Literacy Day in February and the concert in March and the art show in April and SO ON would be a great use of some boring months.
I feel like my ParentSquare notifications are exploding. Each day, something new--an event, a request, etc. Yesterday alone brought a talent show, field day, and the beach towel request. I knew I was over the edge when I said to my partner, “Why do we have to have an end-of-year picnic/play date for third graders? Don’t they play together at recess every single day?” And I haven’t even mentioned the stuff coming in for my older kids. End of the year is always busy, but I also feel like post-pandemic, we’re in overdrive on EVERYTHING. Sports, extracurriculars, etc. like we’re trying to reclaim our lives or something.
I've got one up in the mountains for an outdoor ed trip that required a lot of prep, already checked off one end of year concert, next week it's 5th grade graduation/picnic, end of year snacks for movie day for my other, end of year teacher gifts/notes and probably a million other things I'm forgetting. But the end of me packing school lunches for the year is in sight so trying to keep that upside in mind and our school is not doing any spirit days (thank you school!)
Well... I’m taking finals for my music program this week. And last week was all MY concerts and performances (3 of them). Plus four finals this week. Plus my eighth grader having all the end of eighth grade stuff next week - picnic, dance, promotion, etc. The final bring your parents to lunch day at the high school is tomorrow. Eighth grade band concert was last week on the same day as my last concert so the whole family went to see the eighth grader and then hubs ran up to catch the end of mine when my eighth grader was done. Seventh grader’s final concert was this week. I’m chaperoning a field trip for my fourth grader tomorrow. End of year party at the Montessori for my two smallest was yesterday afternoon. And yesterday morning the city had Big Truck Day at our park and of course my five yo and three yo HAD to go. My five yo has been talking about it for MONTHS! He remembers going last year. Then on May 27th, my eighth grader and I are leaving for the school sponsored tour of DC and NY (and catching some Philly on the way between). Ummm.... we have to be at the airport at 3:30 am our time and when we arrive we go straight to tours and don’t see the hotel until 10 pm local time and then it’s 7 an hour breakfast tours all day not back yo hotel until 10 pm EVERY DAY for the next five days. We fly home on the evening of June 1 AFTER walking the Brooklyn Bridge and doing NY stuff all day. The itinerary is insane! And then my preschooler promotes on June 7. And then I can sleep. My fourth grader will still be in school until June 26 because she’s on year round track schedule but only her because it’s only th e elementary schools who use that schedule. (Yes her last day is on a Monday, it’s a long explanation but it involves the teachers and staff being given Juneteenth off.) that’s my end of year madness. And we go straight from end of year for elementary school to our two week long camping trip. My husband’s dad was an nps park ranger at Zion NP so hubs grew up spending tons of time in Zion. He turns 40 this July so for his 40th we are camping all five of the Utah Big Five - Arches, Canyonlands, Capitol Reef, Bryce, and Zion. His mom still lives in southern Utah so we will then use her house as a base for a day trip down to North Rim Grand Canyon, spend a few days with her and then go home. I feel like I’m running nonstop from May 1 to July 16. It’s insanity. Truly.
I'm studying music. I've been an elementary school teacher but I REALLY would rather teach music. So I'm getting a second degree, this time in music. I'm a vocal major, soprano. It's A LOT of performances!
We are in preschool and I’m not looking forward to this madness.
Virginia and Melinda alluded to this little bit up top and I could use some help from experience parents. Yesterday I was filling out kindergarten registration paperwork, I saw his school requested ‘ primary parent’ contact info. I freaked out. Because yes, I am the primary caregiver. I work from home part time and I cart the kids to wherever they need to go. But the idea of willingly assuming this role on paperwork for the bureaucracy to call on me every time made me want to cry actual tears.
Is there a way to automate this so we are both on the hook for all these notifications, emails? Husband is on the preschool app, but he doesn’t read anything because he knows I will have occasionally toyed with the idea of ignoring whatever they’re asking us to bring that day (oops! You mean you didn’t read it?) but it seems a) petty b) like that would hurt my kid. Saying bye to spouse is not an option I am considering (yet). Maybe we should divide by child? I started getting angrier when I realize I also get all the emails for the pool. And all the emails for swimming. I have set up auto fwds to him before but he doesnt do anything. Sigh. I wish 28 yr that was so smitten with this dude could read this. Thanks for letting me vent
It's so hard. I feel you. One thing some parents do (including Virginia, I believe) is that they create a joint email address that's used for all kid stuff. Of course, it only works if *both* parents check it and respond to it..... But at the very least it means that mom isn't the default.
We are experimenting with this too. Some technical difficulties so far, but the vision is to have one family Gmail address to rule them all, with forwarding to both of our personal addresses.
Yes. I wish I had an answer. But that ended up being me for most of elementary school, even though we both get the weekly school email and we both get the class Bloomz notifications. (Bloomz is the portal they use for parent communication). Somehow, no matter what I said, he rarely read them and it always defaulted to me to calendar the stuff and stay on top of it. Every year he asks "what can I do to take some of the burden off you?" when I'm a puddle at the end of the year. And every year I say "read the damn emails and remember all this stuff too so if I forget, there's a back up." And he starts out the year on top of it and then it fades away.
What has worked best is assigning entire tasks to him. He is solely in charge of orthodontics and dental. He's the phone number on those forms as primary, he needs to schedule her appts based on when he can take her. He's also in charge of Thursdays (which is a short day every week) pick up and any activities on Thursdays because that is an afternoon that I work in office and works from home and I could absolutely NEVER remember it was a short day. That was really hard for him to wrap his mind around--he thought I was saying I would NEVER help on a thursday even if I didn't have anything to do. He couldn't understand that I was saying he was the primary responsible person--like if he asked me because he had a last minute meeting and I could do it, I would help, of course! But I wouldn't remember it for him or work my schedule around those hours. And if he had a conflict with pick ups/drop offs, it was up to him to solve it by rescheduling his meetings or figuring out a car pool with other parents. That was a learning process for him--the remembering to remember stuff. But it meant I could take Thursdays entirely off my mental load. And I happily assigned him morning drop offs! So, as best you can, assign whole of a thing to him. Maybe he is in charge of swimming lessons? That includes scheduling, making sure the suits and towels are packed, taking to and from?
The other thing I ended up doing this year was when a text thread started for the theater program car pool, I made sure he was on the thread. He rarely can help with the carpool except when Saturday rehearsals start, but I wanted him to witness the sheer volume of logistics involved in the carpool so it is VISIBLE labor to him.
I’m in the same boat and am relentless about making sure my husband is cc’d on emails (even if they are just as relentless with only replying to me), scheduling teacher calls for when we can both be available or trading off calls when we can’t, and generally refusing to let the adults in his life depend entirely on me. My husband has also taken on AM dropoff which means he’s the point person for all day-of, ad-hoc stuff. (But I still get blamed somehow at pickup if he didn’t remember the Requested Object of the Week in the school bag... still working on that.)
This is making me think I or someone in this community needs to write an Open Letter to Teachers about how not to put femme parents in this default position. (I am a teacher, so I know that sometimes just having a checklist for being more inclusive is all I need to attempt to check my own biases.)
I'm just glad that my kid's high school graduation and my other kid's 8th grade promotion are NOT happening on the same night. That hasn't always been the case for folks I know who have more than one hitting a major milestone. And while I share all of your frustrations, I have to say that I'm kind of excited for all the end of the year stuff that my bigger kids missed out on due to COVID. It's insane, yes, but a good, kinda normalish, sort of insane. And... SUMMER IS COMING.
I so appreciate this post - two of my best friends have their older kids starting kindergarten next fall and have been asking me for my "elementary school parent life tips" and mostly I've been drawing a lot of blanks. Last week, however, I sent them a frantic text that said "TIP: hold a lot of space in your calendar during the last month of the school year!!!" OMG it is BANANAS. My kids are 3rd grade and kinder, and since my oldest was in kinder when the pandemic started, I think this year is really our first "normal" year with regards to end of year activities. Last week it was my partner's birthday, annual school carnival, kids activities, and mothers day all coming back to back to back. This Saturday my 3rd grader has her Girls on the Run (great program btw) 5k in the AM way out a state park in the burbs, followed immediately by her last soccer game of the year alllllll the way across the metro area (I guess she'll change in the car??), followed immediately by end of season soccer party. Plus all the other stuff coming up and the attendant volunteer requests from the school - kinder promotion, field day, end of year field trips, etc. etc. etc. I'm blissfully unaware of any spirit days on the horizon and hope that just isn't gonna happen (lol sob).
Ooof, yes. My daughter is in 5th grade so there are lots of extra culmination activities in addition to the usual end of the year activities. My daughter's school got smart last year and combines all the end of year stuff into one morning. We used to have separate days for the spring sing, grade level presentations, volunteer breakfast and art gallery. Now they combine them into one morning called "[SchoolName}]palooza" and it worked great last year. So you go in for the volunteer breakfast, then to your child's class for the end of year project presentation (this year her grade does the Invention Convention, last year it was the Living Museum), then to the Spring Sing and the art gallery. And if you have more than one kid, they do grade presentations again after the Spring Sing. One morning and done! They coordinate with the middle school as well so the middle school does all theirs that same day but in the afternoon.
But we also have this year 5th grade culmination, 5th grade party, 5th grade Kids vs Teachers Kickball game (which I will not attend because my kid deeply hates kickball and won't play), 5th grade field day. There's also the 5th grade class picture to wear their t-shirts for (this morning), and some additional spirit days for optional dress up. Plus, figuring out end of the year things for teachers. It's her last year in elementary school and I do want to make sure we acknowledge her teachers throughout the years there. It's not a requirement but it feels important to me.
And then there's the end of the year Girl Scouts activity which involved planning (extra meetings) and putting on a talent show at a memory care facility and then planning (extra meetings) and presenting a power point about their experience to their classes (today!), then a last meeting, an all day water park day (saturday) for selling over 500 boxes of cookies, and the Court of Awards ceremony on Monday. And then we are done with GS for the year. Mostly, I think. I cannot wait till this kid is old enough to keep track of her own activities!
Thank goodness the musical theater performance is already done in April! That was a load off! I don't even think she's involved in that many activities! It just all seems to happen in the same month.
YES. This week it’s the art show, the spring concert and a field trip for the 5th grader. Kindergarten orientation and end of year conferences for the preschooler (which also means no school tomorrow. Still to come: preschool graduation, 5th grade moving up, and both my kids have birthdays in the next three weeks. My in-laws are coming for a visit this weekend, I have a work event on Saturday, and I have a ton of parent/school volunteering tasks. I’m not going to lie, I may be losing my mind.
Three weeks ago: I had a 3 day work trip. Hit a deer :( and had to deal with that hassle.
Two weeks ago: a two day conference and a happy hour with clients on a third day
One week ago: my husband was out for a six day solo trip
This week: three day work trip at a conference. Saturday is our school's big Spring Fair, which I'm organizing the cafe (and baking four items for... Friday night once I'm back from the work trip).
Next week: three day camping trip over Memorial Day weekend with a bunch of friends
Week after: school camping trip
Week after that: shortened daycare hours for my youngest, two end of the year parties
Week after that: two week family vacation to the PNW, coupled with YET ANOTHER FREAKING WORK CONFERENCE in Seattle
Week after that: five day camping trip over Fourth of July weekend.
I only realized that I had done this to myself.... a couple of weeks ago. It's all fun stuff (other than the work stuff), but omg.
So far it actually hasn’t been that bad, my daughter & stepson are in Kindergarten & 6th grade so there are no moving up ceremonies or anything this year. My stepson isn’t involved in any extracurriculars (his choice) so there are no performances or year end celebrations to attend. My daughter’s Kindergarten musical was last month (her school actually does a pretty good job of spacing out all the different grades performances, they take place over the entire months of April & May). Her extracurriculars take place at the school, right after school so I’m not having to take her anywhere I just pick her up later. Next month will be busier though, both kids will be doing swim lessons twice a week, there are some medical appointments scheduled, there’s the Move a Thon at my daughter’s school where I have to remember to dress her in a yellow shirt 🙄, & I have to decide if I want to volunteer for field day. I’m just so happy that I got both kids scheduled out for day camps for summer far in advance this year so I’m not rushing to figure things out last minute :)
My kids tend to get a bit anxious about school theme days (my eldest didn’t participate in a pj day until she was...6?), so my constant refrain is “It is optional. You can do it if it feels fun to you.”
My daughter somehow has *everything* on one day: preschool graduation at 10, kindergarten orientation at 1:30, and her dance recital at 4. It's daunting!
Oof that's a lot!! Good luck!!
So many classroom parties, school parties, dance performances, and birthday parties. I love it all so much but not sure when I can write! I know in the parking lot!
We were in the ER on Mother’s Day (long story, that lives here: https://open.substack.com/pub/ryanroseweaver/p/finding-a-safe-place-for-the-minds-loose-change).
The day after, we brought our kid to school with a gigantic bandage on his head, expecting his teacher to express some basic curiosity or concern about it. But when we handed him off, all she said was, “It’s really urgent that he come in tomorrow with the white t-shirt we requested this week. We need to decorate them in time for the end of school picnic.”
Like... what? When that is framed the most urgent thing, in this situation --or any situation! -- we have lost the plot. And I say this as an educator myself, who understands that sometimes, the pressure is put on teachers from above or outside, and it’s getting to them too in weird ways.
Anne Helen Petersen had a great piece about Spirit Days a while back that captures this vibe really well -- the “death march of fun” feeling that everyone involved in preK-12 seems to get trapped in at certain times of the year, and the importance of asking if anyone is actually still enjoying themselves at this point, or if we can just finally let some of this ish go.
I'm so sorry about your Mother's Day! And I hope your son is doing okay now. Did he get a concussion too?
The situation with your teacher is quite messed up. Definitely some priorities out of line there.
And thanks, I missed that AHP newsletter and will read it now!
Fortunately, no concussion -- thank you! Though honestly, what does “fine” look like when you’re 3.5 going on 4? You guys tell me.
And yes, that AHP piece was solid gold. I had no notes.
End of year mental load is SO REALLLL. Back when I was in the hell of summer camp planning, my husband recognized that he wasn't doing enough mental load work and asked what he could take on and I said (for starters) "every random email the school sends about stuff to send in or sign or venmo." He's doing it and it's making my end of year so much less frenetic-feeling so yay for making labor visible!
But he's also away at a conference this week, and continuing to respond to school venmo requests from there but it means I'm doing the art show/concert schedule solo. I don't mind TOO much because kids performing gives me so much joy, but the logistics of wardrobe requirements and timing and all that are A LOT. (Grateful to Last December Me who ordered the chorus uniform in two sizes because I realized last night that I'm pretty sure my 9 year old has had a growth spurt since the last concert and what she wore then will not fit! But gah!)
Also we just pretty much opted out of the 26 days of fun nonsense. My kids couldn't figure out why it would be interesting to bring in beach towels on Monday and without him here to remember what letter/assignment we're on, I just... refuse to care or sell them on it. Seems fine!
"my husband recognized that he wasn't doing enough mental load work and asked what he could take on" -- amazing. Sorry though that he's out of town this week, oof!
We forgot the beach towels on Monday and survived, so yeah. Going to stress less about the 26 days of fun now....
I hear you on the logistics. So hard when solo parenting. Yesterday I picked my 8yo up from school, drove her 30min to gymnastics practice, cancelled her 5pm piano lesson because I realized that was impossible, rushed home, oversaw one kid's wardrobe change and the other's homework while making the fastest dinner ever, which they had to eat in the car on the way to the concert....
Whew! Yes, it's his work's annual retreat and the date gets locked in months in advance (before we had school dates) and so OF COURSE it's this week! My mom is coming to everything so the kids still have a good cheering section, but dinner is def a lot of takeout/bowls of Cheerios this week! Thank god for Instacart and Uber Eats.
I don't understand WHY it all has to be at the same time? Seems to me like having Literacy Day in February and the concert in March and the art show in April and SO ON would be a great use of some boring months.
I feel like my ParentSquare notifications are exploding. Each day, something new--an event, a request, etc. Yesterday alone brought a talent show, field day, and the beach towel request. I knew I was over the edge when I said to my partner, “Why do we have to have an end-of-year picnic/play date for third graders? Don’t they play together at recess every single day?” And I haven’t even mentioned the stuff coming in for my older kids. End of the year is always busy, but I also feel like post-pandemic, we’re in overdrive on EVERYTHING. Sports, extracurriculars, etc. like we’re trying to reclaim our lives or something.
Yes, it does feel like we're playing social catch-up after the pandemic!
I've got one up in the mountains for an outdoor ed trip that required a lot of prep, already checked off one end of year concert, next week it's 5th grade graduation/picnic, end of year snacks for movie day for my other, end of year teacher gifts/notes and probably a million other things I'm forgetting. But the end of me packing school lunches for the year is in sight so trying to keep that upside in mind and our school is not doing any spirit days (thank you school!)
Well... I’m taking finals for my music program this week. And last week was all MY concerts and performances (3 of them). Plus four finals this week. Plus my eighth grader having all the end of eighth grade stuff next week - picnic, dance, promotion, etc. The final bring your parents to lunch day at the high school is tomorrow. Eighth grade band concert was last week on the same day as my last concert so the whole family went to see the eighth grader and then hubs ran up to catch the end of mine when my eighth grader was done. Seventh grader’s final concert was this week. I’m chaperoning a field trip for my fourth grader tomorrow. End of year party at the Montessori for my two smallest was yesterday afternoon. And yesterday morning the city had Big Truck Day at our park and of course my five yo and three yo HAD to go. My five yo has been talking about it for MONTHS! He remembers going last year. Then on May 27th, my eighth grader and I are leaving for the school sponsored tour of DC and NY (and catching some Philly on the way between). Ummm.... we have to be at the airport at 3:30 am our time and when we arrive we go straight to tours and don’t see the hotel until 10 pm local time and then it’s 7 an hour breakfast tours all day not back yo hotel until 10 pm EVERY DAY for the next five days. We fly home on the evening of June 1 AFTER walking the Brooklyn Bridge and doing NY stuff all day. The itinerary is insane! And then my preschooler promotes on June 7. And then I can sleep. My fourth grader will still be in school until June 26 because she’s on year round track schedule but only her because it’s only th e elementary schools who use that schedule. (Yes her last day is on a Monday, it’s a long explanation but it involves the teachers and staff being given Juneteenth off.) that’s my end of year madness. And we go straight from end of year for elementary school to our two week long camping trip. My husband’s dad was an nps park ranger at Zion NP so hubs grew up spending tons of time in Zion. He turns 40 this July so for his 40th we are camping all five of the Utah Big Five - Arches, Canyonlands, Capitol Reef, Bryce, and Zion. His mom still lives in southern Utah so we will then use her house as a base for a day trip down to North Rim Grand Canyon, spend a few days with her and then go home. I feel like I’m running nonstop from May 1 to July 16. It’s insanity. Truly.
That’s supposed to say *7 am hotel breakfast followed by tours all day... I can’t even be bothered to proof read my typing at this point.
OMGGG this is too much Jennifer!!!! I can't imagine!!! Good luck with your finals — what are you studying? And good luck with everything else too!!!
I'm studying music. I've been an elementary school teacher but I REALLY would rather teach music. So I'm getting a second degree, this time in music. I'm a vocal major, soprano. It's A LOT of performances!
Southern Utah is my special place of respite after spring madness as well (I grew up near SLC). Enjoy the time to unplug!
We are in preschool and I’m not looking forward to this madness.
Virginia and Melinda alluded to this little bit up top and I could use some help from experience parents. Yesterday I was filling out kindergarten registration paperwork, I saw his school requested ‘ primary parent’ contact info. I freaked out. Because yes, I am the primary caregiver. I work from home part time and I cart the kids to wherever they need to go. But the idea of willingly assuming this role on paperwork for the bureaucracy to call on me every time made me want to cry actual tears.
Is there a way to automate this so we are both on the hook for all these notifications, emails? Husband is on the preschool app, but he doesn’t read anything because he knows I will have occasionally toyed with the idea of ignoring whatever they’re asking us to bring that day (oops! You mean you didn’t read it?) but it seems a) petty b) like that would hurt my kid. Saying bye to spouse is not an option I am considering (yet). Maybe we should divide by child? I started getting angrier when I realize I also get all the emails for the pool. And all the emails for swimming. I have set up auto fwds to him before but he doesnt do anything. Sigh. I wish 28 yr that was so smitten with this dude could read this. Thanks for letting me vent
It's so hard. I feel you. One thing some parents do (including Virginia, I believe) is that they create a joint email address that's used for all kid stuff. Of course, it only works if *both* parents check it and respond to it..... But at the very least it means that mom isn't the default.
We are experimenting with this too. Some technical difficulties so far, but the vision is to have one family Gmail address to rule them all, with forwarding to both of our personal addresses.
Yes. I wish I had an answer. But that ended up being me for most of elementary school, even though we both get the weekly school email and we both get the class Bloomz notifications. (Bloomz is the portal they use for parent communication). Somehow, no matter what I said, he rarely read them and it always defaulted to me to calendar the stuff and stay on top of it. Every year he asks "what can I do to take some of the burden off you?" when I'm a puddle at the end of the year. And every year I say "read the damn emails and remember all this stuff too so if I forget, there's a back up." And he starts out the year on top of it and then it fades away.
What has worked best is assigning entire tasks to him. He is solely in charge of orthodontics and dental. He's the phone number on those forms as primary, he needs to schedule her appts based on when he can take her. He's also in charge of Thursdays (which is a short day every week) pick up and any activities on Thursdays because that is an afternoon that I work in office and works from home and I could absolutely NEVER remember it was a short day. That was really hard for him to wrap his mind around--he thought I was saying I would NEVER help on a thursday even if I didn't have anything to do. He couldn't understand that I was saying he was the primary responsible person--like if he asked me because he had a last minute meeting and I could do it, I would help, of course! But I wouldn't remember it for him or work my schedule around those hours. And if he had a conflict with pick ups/drop offs, it was up to him to solve it by rescheduling his meetings or figuring out a car pool with other parents. That was a learning process for him--the remembering to remember stuff. But it meant I could take Thursdays entirely off my mental load. And I happily assigned him morning drop offs! So, as best you can, assign whole of a thing to him. Maybe he is in charge of swimming lessons? That includes scheduling, making sure the suits and towels are packed, taking to and from?
The other thing I ended up doing this year was when a text thread started for the theater program car pool, I made sure he was on the thread. He rarely can help with the carpool except when Saturday rehearsals start, but I wanted him to witness the sheer volume of logistics involved in the carpool so it is VISIBLE labor to him.
I’m in the same boat and am relentless about making sure my husband is cc’d on emails (even if they are just as relentless with only replying to me), scheduling teacher calls for when we can both be available or trading off calls when we can’t, and generally refusing to let the adults in his life depend entirely on me. My husband has also taken on AM dropoff which means he’s the point person for all day-of, ad-hoc stuff. (But I still get blamed somehow at pickup if he didn’t remember the Requested Object of the Week in the school bag... still working on that.)
This is making me think I or someone in this community needs to write an Open Letter to Teachers about how not to put femme parents in this default position. (I am a teacher, so I know that sometimes just having a checklist for being more inclusive is all I need to attempt to check my own biases.)
I'm just glad that my kid's high school graduation and my other kid's 8th grade promotion are NOT happening on the same night. That hasn't always been the case for folks I know who have more than one hitting a major milestone. And while I share all of your frustrations, I have to say that I'm kind of excited for all the end of the year stuff that my bigger kids missed out on due to COVID. It's insane, yes, but a good, kinda normalish, sort of insane. And... SUMMER IS COMING.
I so appreciate this post - two of my best friends have their older kids starting kindergarten next fall and have been asking me for my "elementary school parent life tips" and mostly I've been drawing a lot of blanks. Last week, however, I sent them a frantic text that said "TIP: hold a lot of space in your calendar during the last month of the school year!!!" OMG it is BANANAS. My kids are 3rd grade and kinder, and since my oldest was in kinder when the pandemic started, I think this year is really our first "normal" year with regards to end of year activities. Last week it was my partner's birthday, annual school carnival, kids activities, and mothers day all coming back to back to back. This Saturday my 3rd grader has her Girls on the Run (great program btw) 5k in the AM way out a state park in the burbs, followed immediately by her last soccer game of the year alllllll the way across the metro area (I guess she'll change in the car??), followed immediately by end of season soccer party. Plus all the other stuff coming up and the attendant volunteer requests from the school - kinder promotion, field day, end of year field trips, etc. etc. etc. I'm blissfully unaware of any spirit days on the horizon and hope that just isn't gonna happen (lol sob).
Ooof, yes. My daughter is in 5th grade so there are lots of extra culmination activities in addition to the usual end of the year activities. My daughter's school got smart last year and combines all the end of year stuff into one morning. We used to have separate days for the spring sing, grade level presentations, volunteer breakfast and art gallery. Now they combine them into one morning called "[SchoolName}]palooza" and it worked great last year. So you go in for the volunteer breakfast, then to your child's class for the end of year project presentation (this year her grade does the Invention Convention, last year it was the Living Museum), then to the Spring Sing and the art gallery. And if you have more than one kid, they do grade presentations again after the Spring Sing. One morning and done! They coordinate with the middle school as well so the middle school does all theirs that same day but in the afternoon.
But we also have this year 5th grade culmination, 5th grade party, 5th grade Kids vs Teachers Kickball game (which I will not attend because my kid deeply hates kickball and won't play), 5th grade field day. There's also the 5th grade class picture to wear their t-shirts for (this morning), and some additional spirit days for optional dress up. Plus, figuring out end of the year things for teachers. It's her last year in elementary school and I do want to make sure we acknowledge her teachers throughout the years there. It's not a requirement but it feels important to me.
And then there's the end of the year Girl Scouts activity which involved planning (extra meetings) and putting on a talent show at a memory care facility and then planning (extra meetings) and presenting a power point about their experience to their classes (today!), then a last meeting, an all day water park day (saturday) for selling over 500 boxes of cookies, and the Court of Awards ceremony on Monday. And then we are done with GS for the year. Mostly, I think. I cannot wait till this kid is old enough to keep track of her own activities!
Thank goodness the musical theater performance is already done in April! That was a load off! I don't even think she's involved in that many activities! It just all seems to happen in the same month.
YES. This week it’s the art show, the spring concert and a field trip for the 5th grader. Kindergarten orientation and end of year conferences for the preschooler (which also means no school tomorrow. Still to come: preschool graduation, 5th grade moving up, and both my kids have birthdays in the next three weeks. My in-laws are coming for a visit this weekend, I have a work event on Saturday, and I have a ton of parent/school volunteering tasks. I’m not going to lie, I may be losing my mind.
OMG! That's a lot. Good luck!!! Don't lose your mind!!
Three weeks ago: I had a 3 day work trip. Hit a deer :( and had to deal with that hassle.
Two weeks ago: a two day conference and a happy hour with clients on a third day
One week ago: my husband was out for a six day solo trip
This week: three day work trip at a conference. Saturday is our school's big Spring Fair, which I'm organizing the cafe (and baking four items for... Friday night once I'm back from the work trip).
Next week: three day camping trip over Memorial Day weekend with a bunch of friends
Week after: school camping trip
Week after that: shortened daycare hours for my youngest, two end of the year parties
Week after that: two week family vacation to the PNW, coupled with YET ANOTHER FREAKING WORK CONFERENCE in Seattle
Week after that: five day camping trip over Fourth of July weekend.
I only realized that I had done this to myself.... a couple of weeks ago. It's all fun stuff (other than the work stuff), but omg.
Gah! This is so much!!! Good luck!!
So far it actually hasn’t been that bad, my daughter & stepson are in Kindergarten & 6th grade so there are no moving up ceremonies or anything this year. My stepson isn’t involved in any extracurriculars (his choice) so there are no performances or year end celebrations to attend. My daughter’s Kindergarten musical was last month (her school actually does a pretty good job of spacing out all the different grades performances, they take place over the entire months of April & May). Her extracurriculars take place at the school, right after school so I’m not having to take her anywhere I just pick her up later. Next month will be busier though, both kids will be doing swim lessons twice a week, there are some medical appointments scheduled, there’s the Move a Thon at my daughter’s school where I have to remember to dress her in a yellow shirt 🙄, & I have to decide if I want to volunteer for field day. I’m just so happy that I got both kids scheduled out for day camps for summer far in advance this year so I’m not rushing to figure things out last minute :)
My kids tend to get a bit anxious about school theme days (my eldest didn’t participate in a pj day until she was...6?), so my constant refrain is “It is optional. You can do it if it feels fun to you.”