yay!! I want to talk to Ruth about this book myself; I think I'm waiting to figure out what my questions are. Raising boys can be a little lonely and fraught (in addition to the good things!) and then the weirdos out there make it seem like we are all freaks who want to marry our sons.
This just nailed me. My 17-year-old, neurodiverse manchild is so lost just now. He's always been a sensitive soul, and the society where we live does not value this in young boys / men. He can't fit in with the machos (and doesn't try), so doesn't get "girl attention" either. The last 8 months have been just a lot of sadness –– which my husband usually experiences as anger directed at him. Our tiny family spends a lot of energy untangling all these emotions.
Thanks for the Q&A with the author. As a mom of two boys, It left me wondering about whether or how the book addresses what the author’s take was on how parents actually should be talking to their boys about patriarchy and feminism. Boys are harmed by patriarchy (which is a great reason why everyone should be a feminist, not just cis women). This book seems to be about how patriarchy and its rigid gender roles harm boys and men. But boys also need to understand that when they become they inherit a system built to benefit them, a world in which the default citizen—the neutral citizen—is a man. And also they need to understand that even if they aren’t actively misogynistic the world’s worst men get away with bad behavior when the world’s “good guys” watch them behave badly and say nothing. I love my boys deeply for the unique and wonderful humans they are but if we don’t want our boys blindly following the narrow gender rules and roles laid out for them by patriarchy, shouldn’t we talk to them about their role in it?
What do you mean by 'boys are harmed by patriarchy'? Also, when 'everyone should be a feminist', does that mean something more than advocating for woman's rights?
I agree, I would like some discussion on what the male role 'should' be. I hear a lot about what I and my boys are not supposed to do, and even what we should be doing, but not much on what actually clarifies the role of manhood. I also think we are having this discussion in silos. I don't see this problem being solved with just men talking to boys or just moms talking to boys. I think men and women need to have some hard conversations first.
I want to read it but I'm initially very skeptical. I think dads and moms are both concerned about raising boys but for different reasons. I think there is a whole sect of society who has decided that men are evil and now many women are scared or sad to raise boys in this world. That seems crazy to me. Now it seems like a sect of society (the same one?) is trying to say boys are now ok and here's how to do it. I can't imagine a man writing a book about how to raise a girl without getting strong push back, especially if no female voices were included.
I hear a lot about what I and my boys are not supposed to do, and even what we should be doing, but not much on what actually clarifies the role of manhood. I also think we are having this discussion in silos. I don't see this problem being solved with just men talking to boys or just women talking to boys. I think men and women need to have some hard conversations first.
I think in some ways we are all on the same page. "I hear a lot about what I and my boys are not supposed to do, and even what we should be doing, but not much on what actually clarifies the role of manhood" -- yes! I totally agree, and Ruth writes about this lack of clarity and understanding about what it means (and/or should mean) to be a boy in the world today. She's broadly advocating that we (society in general) should strive to raise boys in a way that acknowledges and nourishes their full humanity. She does include male perspectives in the book, including lots of boys' voices, and certainly doesn't argue that only women should be talking to boys. Personally I think that it's crucial for fathers, male coaches, and male teachers to model open communication and vulnerability with boys so that they learn that emotional intimacy is ok.
I got to go to Ruth’s book launch in Berkeley this week - glad there was a big crowd! Thrilled so many folks are interested in talking about raising boys.
I'm really excited about this book, and want to read it and talk about it with friends. I found it easier to raise and guide a young boy in a big city, where there were many diverse examples of people, in general, doing all kinds of things and modeling masculinity and femininity in many different ways. Now that we're parenting a middle-school boy in the suburbs, we have noticed not only a stronger gender division (that could have to do with age) but also more rigid definitions of male/female -- AND at the same time fewer opportunities for in-person connection (can't just walk out your door and meet up with friends on the sidewalk, at the park, on the train, etc. -- takes more work to hang out!). I'm constantly in conversation with other parents about dealing with competition culture, video game addiction, vulnerability, etc. So this book sounds written for us!
I have 3 boys (and a daughter), so looking forward to reading this book!
I'm a 3-boy mom, too! (no daughters, though)
We are special group :)
I humbly agree!
As a mom of three boys, this thoughtful interview meant a lot to me. Definitely need to grab this book!
it's so good!
yay!! I want to talk to Ruth about this book myself; I think I'm waiting to figure out what my questions are. Raising boys can be a little lonely and fraught (in addition to the good things!) and then the weirdos out there make it seem like we are all freaks who want to marry our sons.
Yes!!!! There's so much pressure on moms to distance themselves from their sons. It's so sad!
This just nailed me. My 17-year-old, neurodiverse manchild is so lost just now. He's always been a sensitive soul, and the society where we live does not value this in young boys / men. He can't fit in with the machos (and doesn't try), so doesn't get "girl attention" either. The last 8 months have been just a lot of sadness –– which my husband usually experiences as anger directed at him. Our tiny family spends a lot of energy untangling all these emotions.
I'm so sorry. This sounds so hard.
Thanks for the Q&A with the author. As a mom of two boys, It left me wondering about whether or how the book addresses what the author’s take was on how parents actually should be talking to their boys about patriarchy and feminism. Boys are harmed by patriarchy (which is a great reason why everyone should be a feminist, not just cis women). This book seems to be about how patriarchy and its rigid gender roles harm boys and men. But boys also need to understand that when they become they inherit a system built to benefit them, a world in which the default citizen—the neutral citizen—is a man. And also they need to understand that even if they aren’t actively misogynistic the world’s worst men get away with bad behavior when the world’s “good guys” watch them behave badly and say nothing. I love my boys deeply for the unique and wonderful humans they are but if we don’t want our boys blindly following the narrow gender rules and roles laid out for them by patriarchy, shouldn’t we talk to them about their role in it?
What do you mean by 'boys are harmed by patriarchy'? Also, when 'everyone should be a feminist', does that mean something more than advocating for woman's rights?
I agree, I would like some discussion on what the male role 'should' be. I hear a lot about what I and my boys are not supposed to do, and even what we should be doing, but not much on what actually clarifies the role of manhood. I also think we are having this discussion in silos. I don't see this problem being solved with just men talking to boys or just moms talking to boys. I think men and women need to have some hard conversations first.
I want to read it but I'm initially very skeptical. I think dads and moms are both concerned about raising boys but for different reasons. I think there is a whole sect of society who has decided that men are evil and now many women are scared or sad to raise boys in this world. That seems crazy to me. Now it seems like a sect of society (the same one?) is trying to say boys are now ok and here's how to do it. I can't imagine a man writing a book about how to raise a girl without getting strong push back, especially if no female voices were included.
I hear a lot about what I and my boys are not supposed to do, and even what we should be doing, but not much on what actually clarifies the role of manhood. I also think we are having this discussion in silos. I don't see this problem being solved with just men talking to boys or just women talking to boys. I think men and women need to have some hard conversations first.
I think in some ways we are all on the same page. "I hear a lot about what I and my boys are not supposed to do, and even what we should be doing, but not much on what actually clarifies the role of manhood" -- yes! I totally agree, and Ruth writes about this lack of clarity and understanding about what it means (and/or should mean) to be a boy in the world today. She's broadly advocating that we (society in general) should strive to raise boys in a way that acknowledges and nourishes their full humanity. She does include male perspectives in the book, including lots of boys' voices, and certainly doesn't argue that only women should be talking to boys. Personally I think that it's crucial for fathers, male coaches, and male teachers to model open communication and vulnerability with boys so that they learn that emotional intimacy is ok.
I got to go to Ruth’s book launch in Berkeley this week - glad there was a big crowd! Thrilled so many folks are interested in talking about raising boys.
I'm really excited about this book, and want to read it and talk about it with friends. I found it easier to raise and guide a young boy in a big city, where there were many diverse examples of people, in general, doing all kinds of things and modeling masculinity and femininity in many different ways. Now that we're parenting a middle-school boy in the suburbs, we have noticed not only a stronger gender division (that could have to do with age) but also more rigid definitions of male/female -- AND at the same time fewer opportunities for in-person connection (can't just walk out your door and meet up with friends on the sidewalk, at the park, on the train, etc. -- takes more work to hang out!). I'm constantly in conversation with other parents about dealing with competition culture, video game addiction, vulnerability, etc. So this book sounds written for us!