I tend not to do well in September. I have fall anxiety even though it is my favorite season. There are myriad reasons for the anxiety- unresolved feelings of stress from when I worked as an elementary school counselor 2014-2016 so I associate fall with feeling uncertain and overwhelmed; my body remembers the feelings of anxiety from my first miscarriage which occurred in September of 2015; the transitions of those around me (namely my sister and nephews) somewhat affect me because I am her primary sounding board and best friend so if her boys are having a tough time with transition I also feel that anxiety.
My niece just had a baby and we are trying to buy a house for her/her baby and her mom and my mother-in-law to live in (and pay us discounted rent) so that my niece doesn’t have to continue to live with my father-in-law due to financial strain (my father-in-law is not a super supportive family member so ideally she would be in our neighborhood since there are multiple houses for sale). And finally, election stress affects me because my husband supports Trump and I support Kamala, so while we have been mostly civil, election season and having more discussions of our beliefs cause more anxiety.
There’s a lot going on so I am not sleeping well, and the way I am coping is by doing my Swiftie dance parties in the AM and trying to dance it out like Meredith and Cristina on Grey’s Anatomy. It is definitely making me feel better!
I am sorry September is always so rough- August is rougher here so at least we aren’t both having an incredibly hard time in September. As far as my boys go I think they have mostly adjusted to the new school schedule though my 5 yo still has tougher bedtimes since starting K. Coping wise I think working out more regularly is helping my mental health and it’s nice to be done earlier because I drop both my kids off earlier. I also made several playlists to listen to throughout the work day that make me happy. Reading YA books- Phoebe Wahl Phoebe’s Diary is fantastic and Crystal Maldonado are 2 greats, I also liked Sarah Van Name and Casey Mcquiston’s I Kissed Shara Wheeler was my favorite book of the last few years.
I think my election volunteering is another coping mechanism because I feel like I am doing something. I am nervous but excited to go to the Kamala Harris rally in Greensboro today! I have never been to a rally before, my MIL was happy for me and immediately said how can I help when I told her I got the invite.
Oh kindergarten is such a big transition! I'm glad it's going okay (save the bedtime difficulties). I am now exercising early in the morning too again and I love it. And that's awesome about the election volunteering -- thank you for doing that VERY important work for our country!!!
At one point I was working out at 6 am and they got up at 6:45 am and I didn’t like not having my own quiet reading time to ease into my day so after drop off workouts became a necessity. Right after I wrote this we had a kind of rough morning where an out of sequence thing made both of them panic and I wasn’t in as patient of a mood at 7:15 am. But I’m good at the car drive repairing and trying to talk about what we can do differently to make our morning go smoother.
Laura, this sounds really hard. It's wonderful what you're doing for your niece — and also that sounds like a whole lot for you to be carrying and managing this month! Plus the election stuff, ugh. That must a constant emotional strain. Sending love and strength.
YouTube makes me mixes based off of what I listen to so it varies a bit but generally go to songs include: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart, Shake It Off, Cruel Summer, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, Message in a Bottle, Welcome to New York, I Knew You Were Trouble, The Very First Night, The Anti-Hero, Style, and Blank Space.
I also have a couple non Swiftie songs in the playlist including Party In the USA, Good Luck Babe, and Katy Perry songs like Roar or Teenage Dream.
My cool down songs are one of our love songs like A Thousand Years or country love songs.
I am hosting my kids’ school’s book fair, which I usually love, but this years it’s just too much too soon after the transition from summer to school. It’s physically exhausting and I’m working late into the night to keep up with my job. I hate it when I say yes to too many good things and then can’t enjoy any of them because I’m just existing beyond my capacity and can’t incorporate all the normal self-care rituals that keep me sane!
Fall stress, anxiety, depression: yup! The transition to middle school has required graduate-level parenting. My spouse also got diagnosed w a heart condition last month; it’s very common and he’s very ok, but he’s in a long period of med adjustment plus identity rebuilding as he comes to terms with his age and lifelong beliefs and experiences that make it hard for him to, well, love himself. I’m tired and just so sad, 48 and all that this age brings, and outside here is so beautiful, and my husband is brave (which makes it possible for him to question his cowardice), and my kid is an apple and a comet and also another among the billions of precious vulnerable kids who deserve safety and love, and I have a cold, and faith in my creative project is in Orpheus-out-of-Hades mode again. Also, in the realm of The Way Things Are for Almost Everyone, Honey, Lighten Up, I’d like to find a different job, but the money and flexibility of this one are maybe unbeatable, and I’m not sure I have the resources and moxie for a new round of entrepreneurship. It’s all mouldering around in that wry, 85% dark chocolate Venn diagram of normal and exceptional, painful and exciting, demandingly delicious and giving me a headache, “I’m the last one standing against the vengeful night” and “bless my heart, I’m just a little daisy in a field of creation.” And I should feel lucky, I do feel lucky, and so, so, so sad. September!
Siiiiigh. It’s been a month. Our kiddo had just started Kindergarten and was doing pretty great — but then broke his dominant arm just before Labor Day, got a cast up to his shoulder, and has been a snarly grouchy mess every since. I feel so bad for him (and frustrated that he now basically has zero way to get the wiggles out, all day, for possibly another ~2 months), and I feel guilty that this will be his teacher’s main first impression of him, and my permanent expression these days is just: :-/
Oh a broken bone right before school starts is TOUGH. I hope that your teacher has enough experience and compassion to recognize that things will improve!
My children (4 and 8) both have big changes at school and preschool. New classes, new routines, for the 8-year-old a new building. I have been saying this a lot, but it feels that they have been pelting me with their emotions. That's starting to wane. For which I am very grateful. Still catching up with myself after the intensity of the last few weeks before school started without adequate childcare. I feel like a few weeks ago I wouldn't have even been able to answer this question, because there wasn't any space for it.
Yeah and I know you've been so busy with your book release, too! (Everyone else, stay tuned for an amazing upcoming Q&A with Rachel about her new book ESSENTIAL LABOR!) I'm so glad it's starting to ease.... but you must be exhausted.
My son always struggles with moving to a new classroom, but this year has been particularly challenging for me because it’s the first time he’s been able to articulate how sad he is to go to school each morning and how he only wants to play with one friend. He also just moved from preschool 3 days/week plus my parents 2 days/week to preschool 5 days/week - I knew this would be a tough transition but he cries every morning for Cici and Papa and it’s been a month and a half (he also gets lots of sleepover time with them and they pick him up from school once a week) 😭 I usually consider holding space for my friends/spouse’s feelings a strength of mine, but it’s unexpectedly so much harder with my son. His teachers have been very supportive but their suggestion of more individual play dates with friends from school (which i totally agree with) is just one more thing to worry about, especially as someone who already struggles with social anxiety.
I’m also still processing my and my husband’s decision to stop at one child, plus adjusting my meds/some flare ups for a chronic illness, and the usual work stress. Ugh!
Sending you lots of compassion for your news this week too!
As always, you meet me where I am. I have been on the verge of tears for the past week or so, low-energy, quiet and anti-social (VERY unlike me), and I decided just this morning that it's a legitimate depressive episode. And I don't know why. I, too, love fall and usually "come alive" this time of year. So, what's going on? I don't know.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Kristen. It's really, really hard when a time of year (or event, or whatever) you've been looking forward to ultimately disappoints. That's how I felt about my summer. I tried to remind myself that life sometimes just happens the way it happens, despite our best-laid plans -- and that this can also mean you'll find joy at unexpected times, too. I hope that you do! And I hope you have mental health support as you navigate your depression right now.
The transition to pre-k for my 3 year old has been so rough - I think it's restraint collapse - but he has been having so many BIG feelings and bucking us at every single step of almost every routine. My husband and I are under a lot of stress at work, and potty training is not clicking for my son. I know the only way out is through, but it's been so hard.
I leave on Sunday for an international work trip, and I feel guilty leaving my husband to deal with all this by himself
My daughter just turned 4 and is still in diapers, despite her class requiring the students be potty-trained. Some kids take longer. She wears underwear there and holds it all day or has accidents when she can't. So, I guess we're getting there.
This was my kid! Holding it all day is not healthy. They stayed in diapers at school until they were nearly 5, when a transition gave us a chance for a big reset with a printed out routine and rehearsals at home beforehand and everything. They're 9 now and of course the age at which they potty trained has exactly zero bearing on their life now :)
My kid is neurodivergent and the best thing we did was just give up and use pull-ups. He could handle the mechanics of peeing and stay dry if we stayed on top of him at 3 and 4 and 5, but he refused to poop in the toilet and would *never* self direct his toilet use. So when teachers failed to direct him, he’d have an accident and the stress of the accident would make school terrible. So we used pull ups, took the accident issue off the table, made school better and now at 6, it looks like everything is coming together without anywhere near as much trauma.
My husband and I took our kids to the amusement park recently and we tried a ride which according to Wikipedia is called the "rock-o-plane" - it's like a ferris wheel but you're in a little cage so you can rock around and even flip if you get up enough momentum. My husband was with my nine year old in one cage and they had a ton of fun rocking around... I was with my five year old who decided they did not want to rock, so my job was to rock myself around as a counterweight to keep the cage steady. It took a lot of effort and gave me weird sensations, but I stabilized the cage throughout the ride! Anyway sometimes that's what September feels like as kids go through all these emotional transitions. We have to move and adjust and absorb and stabilize, and the end result looks like not much is happening at all. Phew!
Both August and September are restless months for me, but it's weather-based. It's still just so hot here and we can't run off to the mountains because of school and work. Usually, I fill this time with planning for the cool weather season, but middle school means shifting priorities a bit and holding more space for opportunities and obligations.
I have other coping strategies, and there's nothing especially taxing right now. I'm not sure I need more support, except for the typical wish that other people would offer more invitations/make more asks. It doesn't have to be An Event, just come over and talk, take a walk in the park, let our kids have turns arguing over the switch in someone else's house, etc.
A moment of gratitude to the parent who mentioned that their kid wanted to hang out with my kid sometime and was happy to make sometime = today. It's great going into the weekend with a bounce.
Sometimes for me, just knowing that other families are having a similar tough experience is helpful. My 6-year-old had been complaining about how much he dislikes first grade for the last couple weeks - saying he constantly has a headache and a stomach ache and is crying at school. The teacher never reached out about any of this so I thought he might be might be overplaying things for me to some degree (though I didn't doubt he was having a tough time). At Back to School Night last night, his teacher told the parents, unprompted, that all of the kids were having a tough time adjusting and talking about headaches and tummy aches and just being kinda weepy. It broke my heart to think of a classroom full of sad first graders but also reminded me that most kids go through this and do adjust. And that did make me feel a little relief.
My son has special needs and so the back to school is always rough for him and also us. He’s very unhappy and that’s hard. School is not a great fit for him. September feels harder this year I wonder if it’s the election. Am also in grad school myself which is hard going Everything feels just too much. Am also recovering from Covid which may not help. Wishing everyone well. The weather is beautiful though ! I think being outside always helps through these transitions.
Some good news for this September: I am learning what it feels like when a ten-ton weight is removed from one’s heart.
My sweet, smart, charming, funny, (cranky, angry, frustrated) not-ready-for-prime-time son is an exchange student this year. (empty nest: woo!)
He has ADHD and is 17– where we live (Switzerland), that age puts him in the middle of the competitive, non-compulsory college-prep gymnasium.
Last year was year one of four, and he crashed and burned. He is allowed to repeat, once.
However, he wanted to spend a year abroad and is now in Denmark. And: I have not seen him so happy since he was about 5.
Away from the conformist, grade-and rule-based Swiss system in an alternative “discover yourself” boarding school is the best thing that could have happened to him and our family. He is relaxed, has friends, is enthusiastic, is excited about discovering new ideas. And that’s after six weeks.
I was guiltily relieved to be freed of parenting for a while. But now I am deeply peaceful and near happy tears every time I get a text or photo from my boy. I can’t wait to meet the young man we’ll get back next summer!
I feel like I tell people "I'm hanging by a thread" when life gets stressful, but this last month I have felt it more acutely than ever and now I need a new idiom. My father in law was hospitalized a month ago for yet another heart-related incident. After a myriad of tests and bloodwork, he was released 3 days later with approval from his doc and follow-ups scheduled with his cardiologist and PCP. He died 3 days later, and our world tipped upside down. My FIL was the patriarch for his siblings when their father passed away (heart-related illness, no surprise) at a young age and we have all been reeling from the loss. Although we knew this day would come given his health history, to say we weren't prepared is an understatement. Because I have a fraught relationship with my own father, my FIL's passing has brought up so many layers of thoughts and feelings to process, since I got along better with my FIL than my father. His death came on the first day of school for my children, and my husband has been driving back and forth (100 miles separate our families) to be with his family between the hospital visits and all of the funeral rites and rituals of his father's faith. My mother-in-law suffered a compression fracture in her spine right before the death, and needed surgery in the coming weeks, to add on to the pile. My sister-in-law contracted Covid at some point while coming in for the funeral and I have been dealing with Covid symptoms for the past 2 weeks. My husband tested positive and was symptomatic for a few days, but I've been so worn down that I haven't been able to properly recuperate. Months ago, I signed up to train for a marathon this fall, a goal that I never thought I wanted to achieve (I'm a runner but haven't wanted to tick the marathon box before) and have essentially lost a month+ of training while trying to juggle everything. Running was the one thing that I felt I had control over and kept me sane, and that's been missing. Fall is my absolute favorite season but I feel like I'm just in a constant state of misery. My son's birthday is this weekend and of course, I dropped the ball as a mom and didn't plan a party. My husband has helped to try and get a few of his friends together for an impromptu get-together, but all I wanna do is curl up in a ball and scream. One of my best friends and I have been planning a trip to Scotland for the past year to celebrate turning 40 this year. I should be thrilled this is a few weeks away, and yet, I'm just anxious about all of the things I feel I haven't done or prepared. I'm a mess.
Thank you! Just typing those words felt cathartic and having someone else read them and validate my feelings felt wonderful. I appreciate your comments!
Change and transitions can be messy for all. But children with unidentified and/or under-supported learning differences have been known to hold it together at school — only to let it all out when they come home. Their safe place. Just something to keep in mind if the pattern is uncharacteristically extreme and does not really change over time. My tips in general would be: seek outside supports in any and every form, rest, reframe away from guilt, take a walk in nature, and remember to have FUN with your kids. Little good things add up over time too.
I tend not to do well in September. I have fall anxiety even though it is my favorite season. There are myriad reasons for the anxiety- unresolved feelings of stress from when I worked as an elementary school counselor 2014-2016 so I associate fall with feeling uncertain and overwhelmed; my body remembers the feelings of anxiety from my first miscarriage which occurred in September of 2015; the transitions of those around me (namely my sister and nephews) somewhat affect me because I am her primary sounding board and best friend so if her boys are having a tough time with transition I also feel that anxiety.
My niece just had a baby and we are trying to buy a house for her/her baby and her mom and my mother-in-law to live in (and pay us discounted rent) so that my niece doesn’t have to continue to live with my father-in-law due to financial strain (my father-in-law is not a super supportive family member so ideally she would be in our neighborhood since there are multiple houses for sale). And finally, election stress affects me because my husband supports Trump and I support Kamala, so while we have been mostly civil, election season and having more discussions of our beliefs cause more anxiety.
There’s a lot going on so I am not sleeping well, and the way I am coping is by doing my Swiftie dance parties in the AM and trying to dance it out like Meredith and Cristina on Grey’s Anatomy. It is definitely making me feel better!
I am sorry September is always so rough- August is rougher here so at least we aren’t both having an incredibly hard time in September. As far as my boys go I think they have mostly adjusted to the new school schedule though my 5 yo still has tougher bedtimes since starting K. Coping wise I think working out more regularly is helping my mental health and it’s nice to be done earlier because I drop both my kids off earlier. I also made several playlists to listen to throughout the work day that make me happy. Reading YA books- Phoebe Wahl Phoebe’s Diary is fantastic and Crystal Maldonado are 2 greats, I also liked Sarah Van Name and Casey Mcquiston’s I Kissed Shara Wheeler was my favorite book of the last few years.
I think my election volunteering is another coping mechanism because I feel like I am doing something. I am nervous but excited to go to the Kamala Harris rally in Greensboro today! I have never been to a rally before, my MIL was happy for me and immediately said how can I help when I told her I got the invite.
Oh kindergarten is such a big transition! I'm glad it's going okay (save the bedtime difficulties). I am now exercising early in the morning too again and I love it. And that's awesome about the election volunteering -- thank you for doing that VERY important work for our country!!!
At one point I was working out at 6 am and they got up at 6:45 am and I didn’t like not having my own quiet reading time to ease into my day so after drop off workouts became a necessity. Right after I wrote this we had a kind of rough morning where an out of sequence thing made both of them panic and I wasn’t in as patient of a mood at 7:15 am. But I’m good at the car drive repairing and trying to talk about what we can do differently to make our morning go smoother.
Laura, this sounds really hard. It's wonderful what you're doing for your niece — and also that sounds like a whole lot for you to be carrying and managing this month! Plus the election stuff, ugh. That must a constant emotional strain. Sending love and strength.
I love picturing the Swiftie dance parties in the midst of this time of enormous strain. Go-to songs? Much much love to you.
YouTube makes me mixes based off of what I listen to so it varies a bit but generally go to songs include: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart, Shake It Off, Cruel Summer, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, Message in a Bottle, Welcome to New York, I Knew You Were Trouble, The Very First Night, The Anti-Hero, Style, and Blank Space.
I also have a couple non Swiftie songs in the playlist including Party In the USA, Good Luck Babe, and Katy Perry songs like Roar or Teenage Dream.
My cool down songs are one of our love songs like A Thousand Years or country love songs.
Ahhhh perfection!!!!!
Ahh I haven’t listened to Teenage Dream in so long!! I loved the Glee version!
I am hosting my kids’ school’s book fair, which I usually love, but this years it’s just too much too soon after the transition from summer to school. It’s physically exhausting and I’m working late into the night to keep up with my job. I hate it when I say yes to too many good things and then can’t enjoy any of them because I’m just existing beyond my capacity and can’t incorporate all the normal self-care rituals that keep me sane!
Oh that sounds like a lot to manage right after school starts! When is the fair? (In other words, when will it be overrrrrrrrr?)
Fall stress, anxiety, depression: yup! The transition to middle school has required graduate-level parenting. My spouse also got diagnosed w a heart condition last month; it’s very common and he’s very ok, but he’s in a long period of med adjustment plus identity rebuilding as he comes to terms with his age and lifelong beliefs and experiences that make it hard for him to, well, love himself. I’m tired and just so sad, 48 and all that this age brings, and outside here is so beautiful, and my husband is brave (which makes it possible for him to question his cowardice), and my kid is an apple and a comet and also another among the billions of precious vulnerable kids who deserve safety and love, and I have a cold, and faith in my creative project is in Orpheus-out-of-Hades mode again. Also, in the realm of The Way Things Are for Almost Everyone, Honey, Lighten Up, I’d like to find a different job, but the money and flexibility of this one are maybe unbeatable, and I’m not sure I have the resources and moxie for a new round of entrepreneurship. It’s all mouldering around in that wry, 85% dark chocolate Venn diagram of normal and exceptional, painful and exciting, demandingly delicious and giving me a headache, “I’m the last one standing against the vengeful night” and “bless my heart, I’m just a little daisy in a field of creation.” And I should feel lucky, I do feel lucky, and so, so, so sad. September!
Siiiiigh. It’s been a month. Our kiddo had just started Kindergarten and was doing pretty great — but then broke his dominant arm just before Labor Day, got a cast up to his shoulder, and has been a snarly grouchy mess every since. I feel so bad for him (and frustrated that he now basically has zero way to get the wiggles out, all day, for possibly another ~2 months), and I feel guilty that this will be his teacher’s main first impression of him, and my permanent expression these days is just: :-/
Oh a broken bone right before school starts is TOUGH. I hope that your teacher has enough experience and compassion to recognize that things will improve!
My children (4 and 8) both have big changes at school and preschool. New classes, new routines, for the 8-year-old a new building. I have been saying this a lot, but it feels that they have been pelting me with their emotions. That's starting to wane. For which I am very grateful. Still catching up with myself after the intensity of the last few weeks before school started without adequate childcare. I feel like a few weeks ago I wouldn't have even been able to answer this question, because there wasn't any space for it.
Yeah and I know you've been so busy with your book release, too! (Everyone else, stay tuned for an amazing upcoming Q&A with Rachel about her new book ESSENTIAL LABOR!) I'm so glad it's starting to ease.... but you must be exhausted.
Thank you!
Yes--it has been a lot. And to your point: September is also, no matter what happened over the summer, a lot!
My son always struggles with moving to a new classroom, but this year has been particularly challenging for me because it’s the first time he’s been able to articulate how sad he is to go to school each morning and how he only wants to play with one friend. He also just moved from preschool 3 days/week plus my parents 2 days/week to preschool 5 days/week - I knew this would be a tough transition but he cries every morning for Cici and Papa and it’s been a month and a half (he also gets lots of sleepover time with them and they pick him up from school once a week) 😭 I usually consider holding space for my friends/spouse’s feelings a strength of mine, but it’s unexpectedly so much harder with my son. His teachers have been very supportive but their suggestion of more individual play dates with friends from school (which i totally agree with) is just one more thing to worry about, especially as someone who already struggles with social anxiety.
I’m also still processing my and my husband’s decision to stop at one child, plus adjusting my meds/some flare ups for a chronic illness, and the usual work stress. Ugh!
Sending you lots of compassion for your news this week too!
This is a LOT! I also do not love hosting playdates because of social anxiety, so i feel you on that. And they are indeed a lot of labor.
As always, you meet me where I am. I have been on the verge of tears for the past week or so, low-energy, quiet and anti-social (VERY unlike me), and I decided just this morning that it's a legitimate depressive episode. And I don't know why. I, too, love fall and usually "come alive" this time of year. So, what's going on? I don't know.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Kristen. It's really, really hard when a time of year (or event, or whatever) you've been looking forward to ultimately disappoints. That's how I felt about my summer. I tried to remind myself that life sometimes just happens the way it happens, despite our best-laid plans -- and that this can also mean you'll find joy at unexpected times, too. I hope that you do! And I hope you have mental health support as you navigate your depression right now.
The transition to pre-k for my 3 year old has been so rough - I think it's restraint collapse - but he has been having so many BIG feelings and bucking us at every single step of almost every routine. My husband and I are under a lot of stress at work, and potty training is not clicking for my son. I know the only way out is through, but it's been so hard.
I leave on Sunday for an international work trip, and I feel guilty leaving my husband to deal with all this by himself
My daughter just turned 4 and is still in diapers, despite her class requiring the students be potty-trained. Some kids take longer. She wears underwear there and holds it all day or has accidents when she can't. So, I guess we're getting there.
This was my kid! Holding it all day is not healthy. They stayed in diapers at school until they were nearly 5, when a transition gave us a chance for a big reset with a printed out routine and rehearsals at home beforehand and everything. They're 9 now and of course the age at which they potty trained has exactly zero bearing on their life now :)
My kid is neurodivergent and the best thing we did was just give up and use pull-ups. He could handle the mechanics of peeing and stay dry if we stayed on top of him at 3 and 4 and 5, but he refused to poop in the toilet and would *never* self direct his toilet use. So when teachers failed to direct him, he’d have an accident and the stress of the accident would make school terrible. So we used pull ups, took the accident issue off the table, made school better and now at 6, it looks like everything is coming together without anywhere near as much trauma.
My husband and I took our kids to the amusement park recently and we tried a ride which according to Wikipedia is called the "rock-o-plane" - it's like a ferris wheel but you're in a little cage so you can rock around and even flip if you get up enough momentum. My husband was with my nine year old in one cage and they had a ton of fun rocking around... I was with my five year old who decided they did not want to rock, so my job was to rock myself around as a counterweight to keep the cage steady. It took a lot of effort and gave me weird sensations, but I stabilized the cage throughout the ride! Anyway sometimes that's what September feels like as kids go through all these emotional transitions. We have to move and adjust and absorb and stabilize, and the end result looks like not much is happening at all. Phew!
Hahaha omg this is such an amazing metaphor for September parenting!!!!!
Both August and September are restless months for me, but it's weather-based. It's still just so hot here and we can't run off to the mountains because of school and work. Usually, I fill this time with planning for the cool weather season, but middle school means shifting priorities a bit and holding more space for opportunities and obligations.
I have other coping strategies, and there's nothing especially taxing right now. I'm not sure I need more support, except for the typical wish that other people would offer more invitations/make more asks. It doesn't have to be An Event, just come over and talk, take a walk in the park, let our kids have turns arguing over the switch in someone else's house, etc.
A moment of gratitude to the parent who mentioned that their kid wanted to hang out with my kid sometime and was happy to make sometime = today. It's great going into the weekend with a bounce.
Sometimes for me, just knowing that other families are having a similar tough experience is helpful. My 6-year-old had been complaining about how much he dislikes first grade for the last couple weeks - saying he constantly has a headache and a stomach ache and is crying at school. The teacher never reached out about any of this so I thought he might be might be overplaying things for me to some degree (though I didn't doubt he was having a tough time). At Back to School Night last night, his teacher told the parents, unprompted, that all of the kids were having a tough time adjusting and talking about headaches and tummy aches and just being kinda weepy. It broke my heart to think of a classroom full of sad first graders but also reminded me that most kids go through this and do adjust. And that did make me feel a little relief.
My son has special needs and so the back to school is always rough for him and also us. He’s very unhappy and that’s hard. School is not a great fit for him. September feels harder this year I wonder if it’s the election. Am also in grad school myself which is hard going Everything feels just too much. Am also recovering from Covid which may not help. Wishing everyone well. The weather is beautiful though ! I think being outside always helps through these transitions.
Some good news for this September: I am learning what it feels like when a ten-ton weight is removed from one’s heart.
My sweet, smart, charming, funny, (cranky, angry, frustrated) not-ready-for-prime-time son is an exchange student this year. (empty nest: woo!)
He has ADHD and is 17– where we live (Switzerland), that age puts him in the middle of the competitive, non-compulsory college-prep gymnasium.
Last year was year one of four, and he crashed and burned. He is allowed to repeat, once.
However, he wanted to spend a year abroad and is now in Denmark. And: I have not seen him so happy since he was about 5.
Away from the conformist, grade-and rule-based Swiss system in an alternative “discover yourself” boarding school is the best thing that could have happened to him and our family. He is relaxed, has friends, is enthusiastic, is excited about discovering new ideas. And that’s after six weeks.
I was guiltily relieved to be freed of parenting for a while. But now I am deeply peaceful and near happy tears every time I get a text or photo from my boy. I can’t wait to meet the young man we’ll get back next summer!
I feel like I tell people "I'm hanging by a thread" when life gets stressful, but this last month I have felt it more acutely than ever and now I need a new idiom. My father in law was hospitalized a month ago for yet another heart-related incident. After a myriad of tests and bloodwork, he was released 3 days later with approval from his doc and follow-ups scheduled with his cardiologist and PCP. He died 3 days later, and our world tipped upside down. My FIL was the patriarch for his siblings when their father passed away (heart-related illness, no surprise) at a young age and we have all been reeling from the loss. Although we knew this day would come given his health history, to say we weren't prepared is an understatement. Because I have a fraught relationship with my own father, my FIL's passing has brought up so many layers of thoughts and feelings to process, since I got along better with my FIL than my father. His death came on the first day of school for my children, and my husband has been driving back and forth (100 miles separate our families) to be with his family between the hospital visits and all of the funeral rites and rituals of his father's faith. My mother-in-law suffered a compression fracture in her spine right before the death, and needed surgery in the coming weeks, to add on to the pile. My sister-in-law contracted Covid at some point while coming in for the funeral and I have been dealing with Covid symptoms for the past 2 weeks. My husband tested positive and was symptomatic for a few days, but I've been so worn down that I haven't been able to properly recuperate. Months ago, I signed up to train for a marathon this fall, a goal that I never thought I wanted to achieve (I'm a runner but haven't wanted to tick the marathon box before) and have essentially lost a month+ of training while trying to juggle everything. Running was the one thing that I felt I had control over and kept me sane, and that's been missing. Fall is my absolute favorite season but I feel like I'm just in a constant state of misery. My son's birthday is this weekend and of course, I dropped the ball as a mom and didn't plan a party. My husband has helped to try and get a few of his friends together for an impromptu get-together, but all I wanna do is curl up in a ball and scream. One of my best friends and I have been planning a trip to Scotland for the past year to celebrate turning 40 this year. I should be thrilled this is a few weeks away, and yet, I'm just anxious about all of the things I feel I haven't done or prepared. I'm a mess.
What a season of transition and stress! Sending wishes for a space to rest and recover as you move through these stages of life.
Thank you! Just typing those words felt cathartic and having someone else read them and validate my feelings felt wonderful. I appreciate your comments!
Change and transitions can be messy for all. But children with unidentified and/or under-supported learning differences have been known to hold it together at school — only to let it all out when they come home. Their safe place. Just something to keep in mind if the pattern is uncharacteristically extreme and does not really change over time. My tips in general would be: seek outside supports in any and every form, rest, reframe away from guilt, take a walk in nature, and remember to have FUN with your kids. Little good things add up over time too.