Why It's Good To Screw Up

Parenting mistakes are useful for kids.

TGIF, everyone. Thanks to those of you who joined the PARENT SCREAM last night — we vented and screamed, yes, but we also had productive conversations about social movements and bedwetting and regression and other things. I always love connecting with you in my threads!

I’ve been slowly making my way through your responses to my reader survey (please take it if you haven’t already!) and will be putting some of your suggestions into practice over the next few weeks. I’m learning that some of you love my long essays, while others have trouble finding time to read the really wordy stuff. So I’m going to start publishing a mixture of formats. Today’s newsletter is on the shorter side.

I’ve written before about how there’s so much pressure on parents these days, and that parenting has almost become a form of religion. We feel we’re supposed to subscribe to a particular parenting philosophy and always stick to it. We’re told we should never yell and have endless patience and yet also set limits and yada yada yada. None of this is realistic, and honestly, I think some of these “ideals” are actually counterproductive.

For instance, I think it’s actually a good thing when you screw up in front of your kids — when you yell at them and then apologize, when they see you fall over and over again as you’re learning to waterski, when you forget to pack their swimsuit for camp. We tell ourselves that we need to be perfect parents, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I actually interviewed my kids about this on the drive to camp today. I said: Do you think it’s useful for you when you see me mess up? My 11-year-old practically yelled in response, YES! Oh yes, mom, it’s so helpful. He said it’s useful to know that everyone, including grown-ups, makes mistakes. My 7-year-old daughter added that when I apologize after making a mistake (like if I yell at her when I probably shouldn’t have), it also makes her feel much better.

Here are three key reasons why it’s useful to screw up regularly — and some tips for helping your kids benefit from your mistakes.