I hate slime so much. Slime making kits are the worst. “Can we make slime?” The kid asks. You start helping them spoon out the ingredients into the little plastic container, they lose interest, and then it’s you mixing up this sticky mess by yourself.
Yes!! I hate slime and putty. To the point where my 9yo was sneaking them into the house (I guess she was getting them from friends at school???) and I found containers hidden in her dresser 🤦🏻♀️ so I relaxed my stance a little bit and now we have a dedicated slime/putty basket in the kitchen and they’re only allowed to play with it on the table--not in their rooms!
Glitter is the WORST. And it's unexpectedly on stuff, like birthday cards or princess costumes, and it's all over your house before you realize it's there.
YES. Terrible for the parent who puts them together, for the planet, and for the parents who then have additional toys to have to clean up/coerce their kids into tidying up.
Right? Like at this point it's just revenge for all the crap that other people have sent home with your kid from their kid's birthday. HERE! TAKE THIS CHEAP PLASTIC CLUTTER! RUIN THE ENVIRONMENT AND EVERYONE'S LIVES. (I may be exaggerating a tad there)
Our oldest is only 2.5 so this is just starting to really become a thing. Right now we have a cool box that has all of her random cheap plastic clutter toys, slap bracelets, stickers, etc. And every once in a while she opens it and has fun and makes a huge mess but then it goes away. But now the box is pretty full and my husband tries to just leave the random stuff at the haircut place, the dentist, etc. But she remembers and then it's sad!
YES! In our family we give a book or journal to our party guests (same one for everyone) with a bookmark saying thanks for coming. I just can not/will not bring myself to buy and assemble the same plastic flotsam that makes me cringe when my own kids bring it home...
Oh, this is fabulous. A camp bus driver just shared a link to a pack of 48 colorful blank journals in the lovely, small-but-not-too-small A6 size. They’d be ideal.
We also often just provide paper bags for taking home extra leftover snacks like popcorn, cookies, etc.
Yes! For my 3 year old’s birthday at a playground with a splash pad we gave everyone a reusable water balloon at the beginning and sent them off with bubbles in a paper bag at the end. Fortunately the toddlers were happy with water and bubbles and nobody minded not having plastic junk!
When my kids got a little older I just stopped giving a party favor at all and it has been fine. But I felt more pressure to have them at little kid parties even though many parents I know also hate them.
Same. I hate piñatas. I also hate the societal forces that cause everyone to give kids plastic crap and candy at any and all events. I hate leaving a birthday party, parade, or community event with choking hazard hard candy & tiny plastic toys that will end up all over my house. I will spend the next several years covertly throwing them away when I find them inside my shoe or under my couch or in the bread basket. EVERYONE seems to feel the need to buy tons of plastic crap (contributing to the destruction of the planet in the process) and then give that crap to my children. It drives me completely batty, but I seem to be the only one (at least in my social circle of parents).
Opening gifts at the party. I know kids are excited to watch the bday kid open the gift THEY chose for them, but UGH. I'm mulling over the idea of this year just asking each kid to bring a wrapped new or gently used book and then doing a book swap. No gifts, no gift bags, everyone goes home with a book. I suspect the kids will hate it. :)
In my social circle, almost every birthday party invitation includes "no gifts please," and I love it. Everyone respects the request, and we don't have to deal with any gift drama or hassle. It's great. Hard to institute on your own - if your kid is the only one they know not getting gifts at their party, they'd probably be unhappy.
I have seen several used book swaps at birthday parties that were very successful. The kids loved them and they were easy for parents.
I think it happened naturally. The first birthday party my kids were invited to, a colleague's 1 year old who was in daycare with my kid, had "please no gifts" on the invitation. I loved that idea so much that I did the same when my kid turned 1, and pretty much every party we've been invited to since has been no gifts. The kids are now turning 5 and we're still not having gifts at parties. I think it helps that the kids and their siblings are all in daycare/preschool/elementary school together plus most of the parents know each other from work, because the childcare center is associated with my employer.
Where we live, the "Fiver Party" has caught on, and we love it. Instead of gifts, the kids bring $5 for the birthday kiddo. My kids make cards and tuck the money inside. Simple, easy, and the birthday child gets to go spend the money on whatever they want! Bonus: no gift opening required.
I have always felt overwhelmed by the presents kids give each other for their birthdays. When it’s my kid’s birthday, we end up with a giant pile of stuff that we have to find space for in the house. When it’s another kid’s birthday, if I spend $10-$20 on the gift, I end up spending hundreds of dollars on birthday presents over the course of a year, and it feels...excessive. Then if you say “no gifts, please” on the invite, people bring gifts anyway, and if you don’t, you feel bad, even though they told you not to. I even feel like a horrible Scrooge writing this.
But one mom I know had a brilliant idea: She said, in lieu of a gift, just put $5 in a card, and then the birthday child gets to use the total amount of money to pick out something they really want. Everyone wins: the child gets to pick out a big special gift, the parents don’t have to deal with the giant pile of stuff, and the guests aren’t spending as much money.
That's a really good idea. Lately if they say no gifts I have been bringing a card with a pack of Pokemon cards in it, to straddle the they didn't want gifts/but I don't want to be the only person who shows up without one divide.
In my social circle, all the parties are "no gifts please" parties that everyone respects, and it's great. It works because it's standard in our kids' friend groups, so the kids don't feel they're missing out, because it's all they know. And because it's standard, no one feels guilty for actually honoring the request and not bringing a gift.
I have tried so hard to get the "fiver" bday party off the ground and it is not working. My soon to be 7 year old has begged to "be allowed to get presents" which makes me feel like the Worst Mom Ever. But also, I don't want all that cheap plastic in my house, nor do I want to spend $15 on every kids in your class! There is no good answer. Wait, there IS a good answer . . . it is the FIVER PARTY, GOD DAMN IT!
Aug 10, 2023·edited Aug 10, 2023Liked by Melinda Wenner Moyer
My kiddo’s school does quarterly group birthday parties (and explicitly asks that classmates NOT be included if you’re having a separate party just for your kid) and we almost always do a book exchange. That means every kid goes home with something, you only need only four gifts a year, AND you’re not schlepping to parties every single weekend! (Plus, the book you bring can be absolutely be used!!)
I was a little unsure at first, but it took me only one party to understand the genius and equity of this system.
And the stress of whether all the kids will get a turn at the pinata before it breaks! You see the kids at the end of the line looking anxious.
I recently heard a brilliant strategy for avoiding the pinata candy disappointment: right as it breaks, when the kids are all rushing toward it, an adult quietly scatters extra candy around so there's plenty for everyone. This story was told at the birthday party of a girl who the previous year was in tears because she got nothing from her pinata. Her parents had actually tried to prevent the head injuries part of pinatas by inventing an alternative that was like a big bowl upside down with cardboard taped to close it up, and the kids squirted water guns at it until the cardboard dissolved, and while she was crying her dad ran home and remade it with more treats -- but just the treats they had at home, which made for a kind of hilarious second round attempt, because it was all like Israeli stuff that was totally unfamiliar to most of the kids, and it was more small snacks than treats. Anyway, this year those parents did some kind of noncompetitive scavenger hunt and at the end all of the kids got baggies of candy where they all got the same thing. That seemed to go well.
Lately though I have really been feeling that at least at my kid's age, early elementary, the birthday parties are for the parents. It's for us getting to know each other. I feel this partly because my kid gets really nervous for parties, even when it is 100% kids he sees every day at school, and maybe I'm biased for that reason but it never looks like any of the kids are having *that* much fun, certainly not more than they'd have if you just said "let's all meet at a playground on a random day." I drag my kid to the parties because I want to meet the parents, and it's paid off in that he now has occasional playdates with a school friend where we'd never have made that leap if I hadn't had a good conversation with his mom at a party. But on the whole if there was a way to do that without the stress of it being a birthday party, I'd prefer it and I know he would too.
It’s for this reason that I really enjoy kid parties! The gifts and favors might be a burden, but the parties themselves are wonderful for the parents. I also love throwing elaborately themed birthday parties for my kids, which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it feeds a creative impulse for me to devise activities and make things. And they remember the fun themed activities more than the pile of presents. And the party always evolves into the kids all running around and playing, and the parents socializing.
I hate goggles! They never stay on and are never the right level of tightness, constantly leaking, etc. I feel like I’ve tried every brand and none of them work well.
And to add on, the full face snorkel masks! My son was in the deep end and it started to fill with water so now your eyes, nose and mouth are all under there. He was struggling to swim and get the mask off. I feel like it gives them too much of a false sense of confidence.
Co-sign pinatas (and all of these) and adding to the list BALLOONS. In the toddler years, they were a nightmare because they were so beloved but would get hugged and then pop and cause tears. Now they just pile up after birthdays and drift around the house for days/weeks and it is LITERAL FLOATING GARBAGE. I cannot.
Hahaha my husband is with you on this one. We got balloons to celebrate my 9yo’s birthday before she went to overnight camp and as soon as she left, the literal first thing my husband did upon returning home was to gleefully pop all of them.
Also just want to add, for the record, that I have had piñatas at my kids’ parties before. I get that kids really want them! No judgment if you’ve had one!!! I just hate them myself 😂
Snacks at the park. My kid can definitely go without a snack for an hour on the playground, but if she sees another kid having a snack, forget it. She's suddenly starving. We're having lunch in half an hour, give me a break!
I HATED balloon animals! Every street fair or party, somebody was offering my kud a balloon animal that would either pop before we even got to the car, inciting a deep grief meltdown on the part of my daughter or would hang around the house for months, slowly deflating in parts until it was unrecognizable but I couldn't toss it because it was her best friend the unicorn. A few times she ended up with one on vacation and then i had to break her heart because we werent taking it on the airplane. HATE! If I saw one of those balloon vendors, I'd switch courses, but they like hunt down toddlers to give them balloons! The worst part is that they were often free so I couldn't say we didn't have money to get one.
One of the best things about an older kid is that they no longer care about balloon animals!
“Disposable” small pets. (Maybe our kids are terrible, or we are terrible parents?) Give kids a taste of responsibility and also mortality when they’re too young to really understand either. No hamster needs to be pushed around on top of one of those IKEA wheeled activity carts while it cowers in terror, to give an, uh, totally random example. I will never forget my husband getting mad about the budgie that randomly keeled over and his determination to return it to the PetBigBoxStore for a new one. “I have the receipt!!!” 🫣
Yes, and related - those trampoline park places. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKK. The liability waiver you have to sign to go in is disquieting, the sensory overload is so real (it is so loud and it smells like feet and pizza), and someone always gets hurt. And yet my 6 year old cannot stop talking about going back to one.
My 13yo had his teeth knocked in at one of those. We were already there under protest because so many kids break bones there but we risked it….We vowed never again.
A good friend is a pediatric ED doc, and the number of kids he has seen come in with broken limbs from those places is, well, exactly what you would expect.
Slime and glitter! It gets everywhere 😫
Hahaha slime is my husband’s NEMESIS
I hate slime so much. Slime making kits are the worst. “Can we make slime?” The kid asks. You start helping them spoon out the ingredients into the little plastic container, they lose interest, and then it’s you mixing up this sticky mess by yourself.
Yes!! I hate slime and putty. To the point where my 9yo was sneaking them into the house (I guess she was getting them from friends at school???) and I found containers hidden in her dresser 🤦🏻♀️ so I relaxed my stance a little bit and now we have a dedicated slime/putty basket in the kitchen and they’re only allowed to play with it on the table--not in their rooms!
Glitter is the WORST. And it's unexpectedly on stuff, like birthday cards or princess costumes, and it's all over your house before you realize it's there.
"Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." -Demetri Martin
We have this slime ball thing that the kids have stuck to the ceiling so. Many. Times. I’ve given up. It’s stuck there forever. Hate them! Whyyyyyyy?
Party bags. Waste of time, energy and money
YES. Terrible for the parent who puts them together, for the planet, and for the parents who then have additional toys to have to clean up/coerce their kids into tidying up.
Right? Like at this point it's just revenge for all the crap that other people have sent home with your kid from their kid's birthday. HERE! TAKE THIS CHEAP PLASTIC CLUTTER! RUIN THE ENVIRONMENT AND EVERYONE'S LIVES. (I may be exaggerating a tad there)
Our oldest is only 2.5 so this is just starting to really become a thing. Right now we have a cool box that has all of her random cheap plastic clutter toys, slap bracelets, stickers, etc. And every once in a while she opens it and has fun and makes a huge mess but then it goes away. But now the box is pretty full and my husband tries to just leave the random stuff at the haircut place, the dentist, etc. But she remembers and then it's sad!
Ugh agreed!!!
YES! In our family we give a book or journal to our party guests (same one for everyone) with a bookmark saying thanks for coming. I just can not/will not bring myself to buy and assemble the same plastic flotsam that makes me cringe when my own kids bring it home...
This is a GREAT idea!!
Oh, this is fabulous. A camp bus driver just shared a link to a pack of 48 colorful blank journals in the lovely, small-but-not-too-small A6 size. They’d be ideal.
We also often just provide paper bags for taking home extra leftover snacks like popcorn, cookies, etc.
Yes! For my 3 year old’s birthday at a playground with a splash pad we gave everyone a reusable water balloon at the beginning and sent them off with bubbles in a paper bag at the end. Fortunately the toddlers were happy with water and bubbles and nobody minded not having plastic junk!
TERRIBLE.
When my kids got a little older I just stopped giving a party favor at all and it has been fine. But I felt more pressure to have them at little kid parties even though many parents I know also hate them.
I came here to say goodie bags. Our kids once got goodie bags for a party they didn’t even attend. No!!! Just no.
Same. I hate piñatas. I also hate the societal forces that cause everyone to give kids plastic crap and candy at any and all events. I hate leaving a birthday party, parade, or community event with choking hazard hard candy & tiny plastic toys that will end up all over my house. I will spend the next several years covertly throwing them away when I find them inside my shoe or under my couch or in the bread basket. EVERYONE seems to feel the need to buy tons of plastic crap (contributing to the destruction of the planet in the process) and then give that crap to my children. It drives me completely batty, but I seem to be the only one (at least in my social circle of parents).
Opening gifts at the party. I know kids are excited to watch the bday kid open the gift THEY chose for them, but UGH. I'm mulling over the idea of this year just asking each kid to bring a wrapped new or gently used book and then doing a book swap. No gifts, no gift bags, everyone goes home with a book. I suspect the kids will hate it. :)
In my social circle, almost every birthday party invitation includes "no gifts please," and I love it. Everyone respects the request, and we don't have to deal with any gift drama or hassle. It's great. Hard to institute on your own - if your kid is the only one they know not getting gifts at their party, they'd probably be unhappy.
I have seen several used book swaps at birthday parties that were very successful. The kids loved them and they were easy for parents.
This is encouraging! A friend of ours did do "no gifts, a book if you MUST gift" last year, and that seemed to work out well.
Did the "no gifts please" in your social circle happen naturally or was there a conversation and intention amongst the parents behind this choice?
I think it happened naturally. The first birthday party my kids were invited to, a colleague's 1 year old who was in daycare with my kid, had "please no gifts" on the invitation. I loved that idea so much that I did the same when my kid turned 1, and pretty much every party we've been invited to since has been no gifts. The kids are now turning 5 and we're still not having gifts at parties. I think it helps that the kids and their siblings are all in daycare/preschool/elementary school together plus most of the parents know each other from work, because the childcare center is associated with my employer.
Hard agree. We either say “no gifts please” or open gifts after the fact. My preference is no gifts (bc my house has enough crap already)
Where we live, the "Fiver Party" has caught on, and we love it. Instead of gifts, the kids bring $5 for the birthday kiddo. My kids make cards and tuck the money inside. Simple, easy, and the birthday child gets to go spend the money on whatever they want! Bonus: no gift opening required.
I have always felt overwhelmed by the presents kids give each other for their birthdays. When it’s my kid’s birthday, we end up with a giant pile of stuff that we have to find space for in the house. When it’s another kid’s birthday, if I spend $10-$20 on the gift, I end up spending hundreds of dollars on birthday presents over the course of a year, and it feels...excessive. Then if you say “no gifts, please” on the invite, people bring gifts anyway, and if you don’t, you feel bad, even though they told you not to. I even feel like a horrible Scrooge writing this.
But one mom I know had a brilliant idea: She said, in lieu of a gift, just put $5 in a card, and then the birthday child gets to use the total amount of money to pick out something they really want. Everyone wins: the child gets to pick out a big special gift, the parents don’t have to deal with the giant pile of stuff, and the guests aren’t spending as much money.
That's a really good idea. Lately if they say no gifts I have been bringing a card with a pack of Pokemon cards in it, to straddle the they didn't want gifts/but I don't want to be the only person who shows up without one divide.
In my social circle, all the parties are "no gifts please" parties that everyone respects, and it's great. It works because it's standard in our kids' friend groups, so the kids don't feel they're missing out, because it's all they know. And because it's standard, no one feels guilty for actually honoring the request and not bringing a gift.
WOW, that's so cool that everyone does this!
I have tried so hard to get the "fiver" bday party off the ground and it is not working. My soon to be 7 year old has begged to "be allowed to get presents" which makes me feel like the Worst Mom Ever. But also, I don't want all that cheap plastic in my house, nor do I want to spend $15 on every kids in your class! There is no good answer. Wait, there IS a good answer . . . it is the FIVER PARTY, GOD DAMN IT!
My kiddo’s school does quarterly group birthday parties (and explicitly asks that classmates NOT be included if you’re having a separate party just for your kid) and we almost always do a book exchange. That means every kid goes home with something, you only need only four gifts a year, AND you’re not schlepping to parties every single weekend! (Plus, the book you bring can be absolutely be used!!)
I was a little unsure at first, but it took me only one party to understand the genius and equity of this system.
And the stress of whether all the kids will get a turn at the pinata before it breaks! You see the kids at the end of the line looking anxious.
I recently heard a brilliant strategy for avoiding the pinata candy disappointment: right as it breaks, when the kids are all rushing toward it, an adult quietly scatters extra candy around so there's plenty for everyone. This story was told at the birthday party of a girl who the previous year was in tears because she got nothing from her pinata. Her parents had actually tried to prevent the head injuries part of pinatas by inventing an alternative that was like a big bowl upside down with cardboard taped to close it up, and the kids squirted water guns at it until the cardboard dissolved, and while she was crying her dad ran home and remade it with more treats -- but just the treats they had at home, which made for a kind of hilarious second round attempt, because it was all like Israeli stuff that was totally unfamiliar to most of the kids, and it was more small snacks than treats. Anyway, this year those parents did some kind of noncompetitive scavenger hunt and at the end all of the kids got baggies of candy where they all got the same thing. That seemed to go well.
Lately though I have really been feeling that at least at my kid's age, early elementary, the birthday parties are for the parents. It's for us getting to know each other. I feel this partly because my kid gets really nervous for parties, even when it is 100% kids he sees every day at school, and maybe I'm biased for that reason but it never looks like any of the kids are having *that* much fun, certainly not more than they'd have if you just said "let's all meet at a playground on a random day." I drag my kid to the parties because I want to meet the parents, and it's paid off in that he now has occasional playdates with a school friend where we'd never have made that leap if I hadn't had a good conversation with his mom at a party. But on the whole if there was a way to do that without the stress of it being a birthday party, I'd prefer it and I know he would too.
It’s for this reason that I really enjoy kid parties! The gifts and favors might be a burden, but the parties themselves are wonderful for the parents. I also love throwing elaborately themed birthday parties for my kids, which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it feeds a creative impulse for me to devise activities and make things. And they remember the fun themed activities more than the pile of presents. And the party always evolves into the kids all running around and playing, and the parents socializing.
I hate goggles! They never stay on and are never the right level of tightness, constantly leaking, etc. I feel like I’ve tried every brand and none of them work well.
OMG all the goggles are bad.
yes and they cause so much kid frustration!!!
Ugh so much this. You’ve reminded me that I had to buy another pair because they last ones we tried were an utter fail.
And they ALWAYS get tangled in long hair 😵💫
And to add on, the full face snorkel masks! My son was in the deep end and it started to fill with water so now your eyes, nose and mouth are all under there. He was struggling to swim and get the mask off. I feel like it gives them too much of a false sense of confidence.
Co-sign pinatas (and all of these) and adding to the list BALLOONS. In the toddler years, they were a nightmare because they were so beloved but would get hugged and then pop and cause tears. Now they just pile up after birthdays and drift around the house for days/weeks and it is LITERAL FLOATING GARBAGE. I cannot.
Hahaha my husband is with you on this one. We got balloons to celebrate my 9yo’s birthday before she went to overnight camp and as soon as she left, the literal first thing my husband did upon returning home was to gleefully pop all of them.
We are having my kid's 5th birthday party at a nature reserve that bans balloons and I am SO GLAD
YOUTUBE.
yup yup yup
Yep and Roblox
Also just want to add, for the record, that I have had piñatas at my kids’ parties before. I get that kids really want them! No judgment if you’ve had one!!! I just hate them myself 😂
Snacks at the park. My kid can definitely go without a snack for an hour on the playground, but if she sees another kid having a snack, forget it. She's suddenly starving. We're having lunch in half an hour, give me a break!
I HATED balloon animals! Every street fair or party, somebody was offering my kud a balloon animal that would either pop before we even got to the car, inciting a deep grief meltdown on the part of my daughter or would hang around the house for months, slowly deflating in parts until it was unrecognizable but I couldn't toss it because it was her best friend the unicorn. A few times she ended up with one on vacation and then i had to break her heart because we werent taking it on the airplane. HATE! If I saw one of those balloon vendors, I'd switch courses, but they like hunt down toddlers to give them balloons! The worst part is that they were often free so I couldn't say we didn't have money to get one.
One of the best things about an older kid is that they no longer care about balloon animals!
GLITTER
Also balloons
“Disposable” small pets. (Maybe our kids are terrible, or we are terrible parents?) Give kids a taste of responsibility and also mortality when they’re too young to really understand either. No hamster needs to be pushed around on top of one of those IKEA wheeled activity carts while it cowers in terror, to give an, uh, totally random example. I will never forget my husband getting mad about the budgie that randomly keeled over and his determination to return it to the PetBigBoxStore for a new one. “I have the receipt!!!” 🫣
Face painting at events. The worst.
Can't stand bouncy castles. Every time, at least one kid emerges in tears.
Yes, and related - those trampoline park places. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKK. The liability waiver you have to sign to go in is disquieting, the sensory overload is so real (it is so loud and it smells like feet and pizza), and someone always gets hurt. And yet my 6 year old cannot stop talking about going back to one.
😆
We walked into one once, read over the waiver - or tried to over the sounds and smells - felt confused and horrified, and walked out.
OMG THEY ALL SMELL LIKE FEET (also the indoor climbing wall places)
My 13yo had his teeth knocked in at one of those. We were already there under protest because so many kids break bones there but we risked it….We vowed never again.
A good friend is a pediatric ED doc, and the number of kids he has seen come in with broken limbs from those places is, well, exactly what you would expect.