Hi everyone, and welcome to my first Thursday thread! This thread is free for everyone, but next week, the paywall will come down on the threads, Dear Melinda columns, and archives. So if you haven’t yet, consider going paid now. For more details on how the paid subscription works and what it includes, click here.
In my first thread, I want to give all of you the chance to vent about what you’re worried about right now with regard to your kids, school, daycare, Covid-19, holiday travel, etc — and I also encourage you to support each other and share thoughts and insight on how you’re coping.
I’ll go first. My kids are back in school (yay!) but I’m so nervous about the spread of the Delta variant. I’m also concerned about how colds and other innocuous viruses will affect our family and others. I’m in New York, where state guidance says that students “with Covid-19 symptoms” can only return to school after they have gotten a negative PCR test, have remained at home for 10 days, or have a doctor’s note — but the guidance never explains what “Covid-19 symptoms” means. I reached out to our school principal for more details, but will other parents do this? Do they realize that kids are supposed to stay home and follow these rules even if their kids just have a runny nose or a headache or a cough or feel tired? Can families even realistically do this?
Ultimately, I’m worried about how much work time I’ll lose if my kids are expected to stay home every time they feel tired or have a headache or get a runny nose or cough; I’m worried about the spread of Covid-19 and other infections if parents don’t keep kids home every time they feel tired or have a headache or get a runny nose or cough; I’m worried about how much learning kids will lose out on if they’re home all the time; I’m worried about how parents will navigate these rules and expectations if they don’t have flexible jobs.
What are YOU worried about, and/or how are you coping? Please be supportive and kind — no shaming or berating. We are all doing the best we can during a very fraught, stressful, scary time, and some of us have more constraints on our lives than others.
We have our first sick kid home today! So I'm right there with you on this worry. It's probably nothing, but what if it's Covid, also what if other parents aren't keeping kids home for this, also is this a one day thing (doable) or are we are on the verge of a 10 day thing or more. Oh! Less earth-shattering, but I'm also worrying about night-training our preschooler. Would love to be done with the pull-ups at last, also don't want wet beds and wake ups. So we just keep kicking that can down the road!
Since the end of August, my three year old has been to the doctor twice (first to get a note stating he has seasonal allergies), then the next week to get a COVID and strep test (both negative). Then a couple weeks later, he was home with a cold and we kept him home for four days due to his cough and runny nose). I was also sick with the same cold and had to get a test to return to my office (I work remotely four days a week). It was hard and it's not even cold weather time yet. He most definitely got sick from another kid at daycare (he only goes there) so we've been trying to get him to wear a mask. It's not required in his classroom (yet) so it's really hard. His pediatrician's office is closing at the end of this month, so we also have to deal with that. Just wanted to share that we are also frustrated/scared/nervous. For the record, we live in northern Virginia with a fairly high vaccination rate.
My kids have colds right now (negative covid tests). Technically I can send them to school like this, but I feel so bad about the possibility of causing anxiety to the teachers, the other kids, and any parents who witness a cough or a runny nose. I mean, I practically jump out of my skin when I hear a cough these days! We are all so on edge. Not to mention, I would feel terrible if my kids got other kids sick, and then their parents had to go through the chore of getting their kids tested for covid and keeping them home for a while. Normally I world keep them home until the worst symptoms passed (e.g. no more fever, minor lingering cough only). But what should I do in these fraught pandemic times? It's unrealistic to keep kids out of school for two weeks if all they have is a lingering cough.
I'm worried that I'm being too inflexible about the precautions that we're taking.
I'm worried that I'm being too lax with the precautions that we're taking.
I spent the first 15 months of this being the most conservative, and now I'm trying to be more flexible, as we can't just shut everything down forever, can we? There must be reasonable, low risk things we can do, right?
So, we (vaccinated adults, unvaccinated kids) can go to a friend's house (same vaccination statuses) for dinner, but only if it's outside. But what if it's rains? Do we cancel? What if the kids want to play inside and we make our kids mask but the other parents don't? What if the kids get sick and they get my vaccinated but older parents who provide childcare to us sick? What if no one gets sick but I ruin their social relationships with their peers because I won't let them do anything? What if, what if, what if.
FWIW, I live in a highly vaccinated part of an average vaccinated state. Our teachers are highly vaccinated, and our school is mandating masks and working hard to have lunch outside, but we're in the Midwest and winter is coming. My older two will hopefully be eligible for vaccine soon; my youngest will still have to wait.
Loaded question! I’m worried about our one unvaxxed kid and I’m worried I’ve made the school vengeful toward her because I have zero patience and give zero sh*ts about calling out their negligence and disregard for basic precautions (and am in the minority). To your point, last week our principal specifically said headaches and stomachaches aren’t reasons to stay home and attendance is more important.
I’m worried because my child tax credit didn’t arrive on time and I really could use it this month.
I’m coping my tensing every muscle in my body and gnawing my cheeks. Cool!
I'm worried that being so intensely involved in our kids' day-to-day schooling and other aspects of their lives as well as having to be so protective over their health will really set us back as a society on the overparenting front. It's not easy to back off and give kids autonomy once we get accustomed to a certain level of control, and research indicates we'd be swimming against the cultural tide worldwide.
We're coming up on fall break (kids have been in school for around 6 weeks here) and only one of my two kids has been exposed so far in class. She was able to do a "modified quarantine" and keep going to school since she was asymptomatic, but that meant driving to the county testing sites twice. There's no testing through the school, which feels like a huge equity issue to me, and the district is supposedly working on it. The school has been pretty strict about sending home sick kids, but I overheard a parent saying they sent their sick-with-a-cold kid to school "because they're wearing a mask anyway." Drives me bonkers.
On top of all that, I caught a stomach bug from somewhere and have been sick for a week (negative COVID test) and thank goodness at least the kids didn't catch it. I'm feeling much better but still exhausted and not looking forward to figuring out how to entertain two young kiddos on break. Normally I would've made more plans this week but I just haven't felt well enough. I'm worried about people coming back from vacations and introducing more illnesses into the school.
Our daycare has a symptom list for when kids get the boot. The list came from the state licensing board. It's the WORST! Any runny nose and your kiddo can't come in until they've been cleared by a doctor. This goes for every level of education so, now that K-12 is back, it's nearly impossible to get an appointment (in-person or telemed). Our kiddo has been booted almost 10 times in a year for a runny nose. Even the teachers know it's nuts. Our pediatrician's office says it's nuts. Everyone agrees it needs to be a runny nose plus one other symptom.
The symptom list was from the very first days of the virus and has not been updated since. I am all for being careful (particularly with delta) but we need to be reasonable. It's nearly impossible to juggle no childcare and job requirements. If it weren't for my understanding supervisor and employer, I would probably be one of those women dropping out of the workforce.
I'm worry about parents NOT testing their kids even when testing is warranted. We had a situation in which I found out a playmate had been exposed to Covid but their parent disagreed that the criteria were met for exposure. The parent never tested the child or anyone else in the family. Unless testing is mandated for attendance there will be kids attending who are sick. We have a situation between wanting to have teachers and kids be comfortable (by keeping outside doors closed and eating indoors) and Covid safety through increased ventilation and outdoor eating. Today the kids played and many classrooms ate outside: it's drizzling and 50 degrees. Most kids, especially the older ones, were not dressed to stay dry or warm. I worry about the parents becoming angry because their child was cold and wet and demanding that the kids have indoor recess and eat indoors even in slightly bad weather. We also have differences between teachers who are prioritizing Covid safety and asking for extra measures, like air purifiers, and teachers who refuse to keep a door open or accept an air purifier for their classroom. It is hard and feels like much is left to chance.
I'm so wrung-out with post-Ida stress that I keep forgetting about COVID. My four-year-old has multiple meltdowns a day and has started acting aggressively toward his brother. My two-year-old can't bear to sleep alone. We were having issues with garbage collection long before the storm, and now nothing has been picked up in nearly a month. The whole town literally stinks! I called a friend who happens to be a child psychologist and she gave me some behavioral tricks to try, but mostly she stressed love and patience. And I really am trying but dealing with the kids and the insurance company and my mother-in-law having to stay with us because her house was wrecked and to top it all off I have to work full time because I make 80% of the family's income...I'm barely holding on y'all. I tried to get an appointment with an on-line therapist through my health insurance, but it's a three-week wait! I'm worried it will be months before my son's preschool reopens and that he will fall behind because I'm not up to working with him at home right now. I'm worried that my stress is making their lives worse, when I know it is my job to make their lives better. I'm worried that I'm not putting enough work into my marriage (although to be fair my husband insists our marriage is fine) because I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day for intimacy. My mom keeps saying we've only been back home for a few days and I need to give it more time to get back to normal, and I know she's right (this being my fourth major natural disaster--I really need to move) but it's the first time I've gone through this with children and it seems infinitely harder. I just want to be a good wife and mother and lawyer and it feels impossible to be even one of those things, much less all of them, right now.
We have our first sick kid home today! So I'm right there with you on this worry. It's probably nothing, but what if it's Covid, also what if other parents aren't keeping kids home for this, also is this a one day thing (doable) or are we are on the verge of a 10 day thing or more. Oh! Less earth-shattering, but I'm also worrying about night-training our preschooler. Would love to be done with the pull-ups at last, also don't want wet beds and wake ups. So we just keep kicking that can down the road!
Since the end of August, my three year old has been to the doctor twice (first to get a note stating he has seasonal allergies), then the next week to get a COVID and strep test (both negative). Then a couple weeks later, he was home with a cold and we kept him home for four days due to his cough and runny nose). I was also sick with the same cold and had to get a test to return to my office (I work remotely four days a week). It was hard and it's not even cold weather time yet. He most definitely got sick from another kid at daycare (he only goes there) so we've been trying to get him to wear a mask. It's not required in his classroom (yet) so it's really hard. His pediatrician's office is closing at the end of this month, so we also have to deal with that. Just wanted to share that we are also frustrated/scared/nervous. For the record, we live in northern Virginia with a fairly high vaccination rate.
My kids have colds right now (negative covid tests). Technically I can send them to school like this, but I feel so bad about the possibility of causing anxiety to the teachers, the other kids, and any parents who witness a cough or a runny nose. I mean, I practically jump out of my skin when I hear a cough these days! We are all so on edge. Not to mention, I would feel terrible if my kids got other kids sick, and then their parents had to go through the chore of getting their kids tested for covid and keeping them home for a while. Normally I world keep them home until the worst symptoms passed (e.g. no more fever, minor lingering cough only). But what should I do in these fraught pandemic times? It's unrealistic to keep kids out of school for two weeks if all they have is a lingering cough.
I'm worried that I'm being too inflexible about the precautions that we're taking.
I'm worried that I'm being too lax with the precautions that we're taking.
I spent the first 15 months of this being the most conservative, and now I'm trying to be more flexible, as we can't just shut everything down forever, can we? There must be reasonable, low risk things we can do, right?
So, we (vaccinated adults, unvaccinated kids) can go to a friend's house (same vaccination statuses) for dinner, but only if it's outside. But what if it's rains? Do we cancel? What if the kids want to play inside and we make our kids mask but the other parents don't? What if the kids get sick and they get my vaccinated but older parents who provide childcare to us sick? What if no one gets sick but I ruin their social relationships with their peers because I won't let them do anything? What if, what if, what if.
FWIW, I live in a highly vaccinated part of an average vaccinated state. Our teachers are highly vaccinated, and our school is mandating masks and working hard to have lunch outside, but we're in the Midwest and winter is coming. My older two will hopefully be eligible for vaccine soon; my youngest will still have to wait.
Loaded question! I’m worried about our one unvaxxed kid and I’m worried I’ve made the school vengeful toward her because I have zero patience and give zero sh*ts about calling out their negligence and disregard for basic precautions (and am in the minority). To your point, last week our principal specifically said headaches and stomachaches aren’t reasons to stay home and attendance is more important.
I’m worried because my child tax credit didn’t arrive on time and I really could use it this month.
I’m coping my tensing every muscle in my body and gnawing my cheeks. Cool!
I'm worried that being so intensely involved in our kids' day-to-day schooling and other aspects of their lives as well as having to be so protective over their health will really set us back as a society on the overparenting front. It's not easy to back off and give kids autonomy once we get accustomed to a certain level of control, and research indicates we'd be swimming against the cultural tide worldwide.
We're coming up on fall break (kids have been in school for around 6 weeks here) and only one of my two kids has been exposed so far in class. She was able to do a "modified quarantine" and keep going to school since she was asymptomatic, but that meant driving to the county testing sites twice. There's no testing through the school, which feels like a huge equity issue to me, and the district is supposedly working on it. The school has been pretty strict about sending home sick kids, but I overheard a parent saying they sent their sick-with-a-cold kid to school "because they're wearing a mask anyway." Drives me bonkers.
On top of all that, I caught a stomach bug from somewhere and have been sick for a week (negative COVID test) and thank goodness at least the kids didn't catch it. I'm feeling much better but still exhausted and not looking forward to figuring out how to entertain two young kiddos on break. Normally I would've made more plans this week but I just haven't felt well enough. I'm worried about people coming back from vacations and introducing more illnesses into the school.
Our daycare has a symptom list for when kids get the boot. The list came from the state licensing board. It's the WORST! Any runny nose and your kiddo can't come in until they've been cleared by a doctor. This goes for every level of education so, now that K-12 is back, it's nearly impossible to get an appointment (in-person or telemed). Our kiddo has been booted almost 10 times in a year for a runny nose. Even the teachers know it's nuts. Our pediatrician's office says it's nuts. Everyone agrees it needs to be a runny nose plus one other symptom.
The symptom list was from the very first days of the virus and has not been updated since. I am all for being careful (particularly with delta) but we need to be reasonable. It's nearly impossible to juggle no childcare and job requirements. If it weren't for my understanding supervisor and employer, I would probably be one of those women dropping out of the workforce.
I'm worry about parents NOT testing their kids even when testing is warranted. We had a situation in which I found out a playmate had been exposed to Covid but their parent disagreed that the criteria were met for exposure. The parent never tested the child or anyone else in the family. Unless testing is mandated for attendance there will be kids attending who are sick. We have a situation between wanting to have teachers and kids be comfortable (by keeping outside doors closed and eating indoors) and Covid safety through increased ventilation and outdoor eating. Today the kids played and many classrooms ate outside: it's drizzling and 50 degrees. Most kids, especially the older ones, were not dressed to stay dry or warm. I worry about the parents becoming angry because their child was cold and wet and demanding that the kids have indoor recess and eat indoors even in slightly bad weather. We also have differences between teachers who are prioritizing Covid safety and asking for extra measures, like air purifiers, and teachers who refuse to keep a door open or accept an air purifier for their classroom. It is hard and feels like much is left to chance.
I'm so wrung-out with post-Ida stress that I keep forgetting about COVID. My four-year-old has multiple meltdowns a day and has started acting aggressively toward his brother. My two-year-old can't bear to sleep alone. We were having issues with garbage collection long before the storm, and now nothing has been picked up in nearly a month. The whole town literally stinks! I called a friend who happens to be a child psychologist and she gave me some behavioral tricks to try, but mostly she stressed love and patience. And I really am trying but dealing with the kids and the insurance company and my mother-in-law having to stay with us because her house was wrecked and to top it all off I have to work full time because I make 80% of the family's income...I'm barely holding on y'all. I tried to get an appointment with an on-line therapist through my health insurance, but it's a three-week wait! I'm worried it will be months before my son's preschool reopens and that he will fall behind because I'm not up to working with him at home right now. I'm worried that my stress is making their lives worse, when I know it is my job to make their lives better. I'm worried that I'm not putting enough work into my marriage (although to be fair my husband insists our marriage is fine) because I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day for intimacy. My mom keeps saying we've only been back home for a few days and I need to give it more time to get back to normal, and I know she's right (this being my fourth major natural disaster--I really need to move) but it's the first time I've gone through this with children and it seems infinitely harder. I just want to be a good wife and mother and lawyer and it feels impossible to be even one of those things, much less all of them, right now.