Hi everyone, and welcome to my first Thursday thread! This thread is free for everyone, but next week, the paywall will come down on the threads, Dear Melinda columns, and archives. So if you haven’t yet, consider going paid now. For more details on how the paid subscription works and what it includes, click here.
In my first thread, I want to give all of you the chance to vent about what you’re worried about right now with regard to your kids, school, daycare, Covid-19, holiday travel, etc — and I also encourage you to support each other and share thoughts and insight on how you’re coping.
I’ll go first. My kids are back in school (yay!) but I’m so nervous about the spread of the Delta variant. I’m also concerned about how colds and other innocuous viruses will affect our family and others. I’m in New York, where state guidance says that students “with Covid-19 symptoms” can only return to school after they have gotten a negative PCR test, have remained at home for 10 days, or have a doctor’s note — but the guidance never explains what “Covid-19 symptoms” means. I reached out to our school principal for more details, but will other parents do this? Do they realize that kids are supposed to stay home and follow these rules even if their kids just have a runny nose or a headache or a cough or feel tired? Can families even realistically do this?
Ultimately, I’m worried about how much work time I’ll lose if my kids are expected to stay home every time they feel tired or have a headache or get a runny nose or cough; I’m worried about the spread of Covid-19 and other infections if parents don’t keep kids home every time they feel tired or have a headache or get a runny nose or cough; I’m worried about how much learning kids will lose out on if they’re home all the time; I’m worried about how parents will navigate these rules and expectations if they don’t have flexible jobs.
What are YOU worried about, and/or how are you coping? Please be supportive and kind — no shaming or berating. We are all doing the best we can during a very fraught, stressful, scary time, and some of us have more constraints on our lives than others.
We have our first sick kid home today! So I'm right there with you on this worry. It's probably nothing, but what if it's Covid, also what if other parents aren't keeping kids home for this, also is this a one day thing (doable) or are we are on the verge of a 10 day thing or more. Oh! Less earth-shattering, but I'm also worrying about night-training our preschooler. Would love to be done with the pull-ups at last, also don't want wet beds and wake ups. So we just keep kicking that can down the road!
Oh gosh! I hope she feels better very soon! Are you going to get her tested? Another thing that this made me wonder / worry about: Are schools providing / covering the costs of Covid testing when kids get sick? I don't think so, but this then raises all sorts of other issues. If families don't have good insurance or can't afford to test their kids every time they get a sniffle, those families will have the burden of keeping their kids home for ten days each time they get sick... oof.
Well, I guess or they could get a doctor's note (assuming it's easy enough for them to go to the doctor). I wonder, too, how these guidelines differ by state. I imagine there's a wide range.....
So she isn't actually symptomatic yet - she "feels nauseous" but that's it. So we took her home out of an abundance of caution but school said we don't have to test unless she does start throwing up or spikes a fever. And that we could start with a rapid test, but I'm curious abut that seeing your note above about the state guidance! So... at the moment crossing fingers that she doesn't actually develop symptoms and this can just be not a thing. Otherwise we will absolutely test (and prob do PCR since it's our high-risk kid and we need to know what's up).
And no, I don't think schools are paying for tests and agree, that's going to be a major equity issue.
There is so much money available for schools to provide more tests and so few districts and schools are taking advantage. Another thing I’ve asked for and have been told there’s no intention of taking the funds for testing (and therefore no intention to test).
I'm with you on this one. One week in daycare and my 3 and 1 year olds got RSV. We of course had to get them tested to rule out COVID or they're home 10 days. We can have a doctors note, but jury is out on whether the PCR/urgent care visit was more or less expensive than our typical $300+ doctor bill...And now 1 week later seems we have another cold. No winning this year!
I should add, I kept them home the last 18 months and took a semi hiatus on my career to work nights/weekends/naps or half days but I just can't do it anymore. I'm so tired, in my bones, but then it seems daycare is almost as hard. Plus my husband wants to take them out with no clear idea or plan on how that will impact me. He's a good dad but a dad in the most stereotypical sense if you get my drift.
This might not be helpful, but my pediatrician said that RSV is presenting with nausea and vomiting this year. She said it's the first time she's ever seen vomiting as an RSV symptom, but something about it is making kids puke this season. Sure enough, both of my kids who were taken in a couple of months ago for what we thought was a stomach flu tested positive for RSV. Of course, she also said it was odd for RSV to be making the rounds in July, so it could just be something weird going on in our locality. But I wanted to throw that out there since you mentioned it is important to know what's up in your situation.
In my area, the PCR testing has been free from the start. They ask for insurance information and try to charge your insurance, but if insurance won't pay, it's paid for through some federal program, though I've heard that that ends October 17 if it's not extended.
The county has also give out boxes of free at-home rapid tests, with instructions to test unvaccinated (and asymptomatic) family members twice a week. You swab your nose, dunk the swab in fluid, put a test strip in the fluid, and have a result in 10 minutes. I got a box of 25 for free. I've seen the same tests for sale on Amazon for like $20 each.
If we can have these things here, why can't they be everywhere?
Oh wow that's fantastic! I love that they are giving families free at-home rapid tests. My husband was able to get some kits through his work to bring home, but now they have run out because of the BinaxNOW shortages... sigh. Kudos to your county!!!!
Since the end of August, my three year old has been to the doctor twice (first to get a note stating he has seasonal allergies), then the next week to get a COVID and strep test (both negative). Then a couple weeks later, he was home with a cold and we kept him home for four days due to his cough and runny nose). I was also sick with the same cold and had to get a test to return to my office (I work remotely four days a week). It was hard and it's not even cold weather time yet. He most definitely got sick from another kid at daycare (he only goes there) so we've been trying to get him to wear a mask. It's not required in his classroom (yet) so it's really hard. His pediatrician's office is closing at the end of this month, so we also have to deal with that. Just wanted to share that we are also frustrated/scared/nervous. For the record, we live in northern Virginia with a fairly high vaccination rate.
Wow, this sounds so stressful. I'm sorry! Also crazy to me that masks aren't required in his daycare. I know that's the case in so much of the country but it just amplifies all of these issues... then again I also know it can be really hard to get little kids to wear masks... It's just hard all around.
We emailed the director and we're hoping other parents did as well. For now, we're having him wear it into and out of the building. He's in a facility for county employees so it's in an office building. All of the teachers and staff wear them and we wear them at all times and we aren't allowed in the classrooms. They also do not mix the classes at all. They are doing a pretty good job from what we can tell. I hope it didn't appear that I was pooping on them. ;)
My kids have colds right now (negative covid tests). Technically I can send them to school like this, but I feel so bad about the possibility of causing anxiety to the teachers, the other kids, and any parents who witness a cough or a runny nose. I mean, I practically jump out of my skin when I hear a cough these days! We are all so on edge. Not to mention, I would feel terrible if my kids got other kids sick, and then their parents had to go through the chore of getting their kids tested for covid and keeping them home for a while. Normally I world keep them home until the worst symptoms passed (e.g. no more fever, minor lingering cough only). But what should I do in these fraught pandemic times? It's unrealistic to keep kids out of school for two weeks if all they have is a lingering cough.
YES, this is such a good question. Even if your kid only has a mild cold, she could spread it to other kids and then their family has to go through all the rigamarole of figuring out what to do, getting tested, etc. Yet so many parents can't easily keep their kids home for long stretches at a time! I mean geez, runny noses and coughs can last for WEEKS. One key question to me seems to be: How long are kids contagious when they have colds/coughs? I should do some research on that and address it in a future newsletter.......
Yes! That was a good one. Are kids really spending more time outside during quarantine though? I thought that was just a theory and haven't seen data on the question, and definitely not data broken down by socioeconomic class, urban vs. rural, etc. Here in San Francisco, we know some kids whose parents took them hiking, who have backyards, who have access to safe green space in their neighborhoods, etc. and others who spent the vast bulk of their time inside the last 18 months.
We kept ours home until his cough was just in the morning and at night, which happens as he gets better. The last cold we used a nebulizer because it was mostly a cough, so we just waited until then. It was about a week.
I'm worried that I'm being too inflexible about the precautions that we're taking.
I'm worried that I'm being too lax with the precautions that we're taking.
I spent the first 15 months of this being the most conservative, and now I'm trying to be more flexible, as we can't just shut everything down forever, can we? There must be reasonable, low risk things we can do, right?
So, we (vaccinated adults, unvaccinated kids) can go to a friend's house (same vaccination statuses) for dinner, but only if it's outside. But what if it's rains? Do we cancel? What if the kids want to play inside and we make our kids mask but the other parents don't? What if the kids get sick and they get my vaccinated but older parents who provide childcare to us sick? What if no one gets sick but I ruin their social relationships with their peers because I won't let them do anything? What if, what if, what if.
FWIW, I live in a highly vaccinated part of an average vaccinated state. Our teachers are highly vaccinated, and our school is mandating masks and working hard to have lunch outside, but we're in the Midwest and winter is coming. My older two will hopefully be eligible for vaccine soon; my youngest will still have to wait.
In the same boat. So far the only change we’ve made to our rigid stance is school, because same-school virtual options don’t exist anymore even though things are worse now than they were 9/2020. I was very close to homeschooling but said we’d give it a go for the reason you list—maintaining some semblance of relationships with her peers. So for now I just continue to be the raging mom to school and county admin in a low vaxx, high anti-mask district.
You have all of my sympathy and admiration - as stressed as this all makes me, I am very grateful to have a governor, and superintendent, and principal who all generally align with my values.
So well put -- I feel like we're navigating situations that have no clear answers, and which have downsides / risks no matter what we choose. It's like we just can't win! But you're right that Covid isn't the only thing to consider here. We have to think about our kids and their development and what they need and how they're struggling. I think you're smart to prioritize and do what feels right (but still relatively safe) in the moment — and that what feels right might change from day to day.
Loaded question! I’m worried about our one unvaxxed kid and I’m worried I’ve made the school vengeful toward her because I have zero patience and give zero sh*ts about calling out their negligence and disregard for basic precautions (and am in the minority). To your point, last week our principal specifically said headaches and stomachaches aren’t reasons to stay home and attendance is more important.
I’m worried because my child tax credit didn’t arrive on time and I really could use it this month.
I’m coping my tensing every muscle in my body and gnawing my cheeks. Cool!
Good for you! I live in a low-vaxx state and both of mine are too little for the shot. I wish more parents would stand up for OUR kids like you are. Because it's not just your children that are impacted by the laxity, it's all of them. As grown-ups we owe it to them to do better. (Also, how the he'll are stomachaches not a reason to stay home? I don't want my kid to come home and puke on my shoes anymore than I want him to have COVID!)
People really don’t get the whole “it’s not you, it’s us” thing about contagious diseases. If I hear “we decided we were ok with the risk” one more time without “but didn’t want to infect the whole class so didn’t do the activity,” I will just explode.
I'm worried that being so intensely involved in our kids' day-to-day schooling and other aspects of their lives as well as having to be so protective over their health will really set us back as a society on the overparenting front. It's not easy to back off and give kids autonomy once we get accustomed to a certain level of control, and research indicates we'd be swimming against the cultural tide worldwide.
We're coming up on fall break (kids have been in school for around 6 weeks here) and only one of my two kids has been exposed so far in class. She was able to do a "modified quarantine" and keep going to school since she was asymptomatic, but that meant driving to the county testing sites twice. There's no testing through the school, which feels like a huge equity issue to me, and the district is supposedly working on it. The school has been pretty strict about sending home sick kids, but I overheard a parent saying they sent their sick-with-a-cold kid to school "because they're wearing a mask anyway." Drives me bonkers.
On top of all that, I caught a stomach bug from somewhere and have been sick for a week (negative COVID test) and thank goodness at least the kids didn't catch it. I'm feeling much better but still exhausted and not looking forward to figuring out how to entertain two young kiddos on break. Normally I would've made more plans this week but I just haven't felt well enough. I'm worried about people coming back from vacations and introducing more illnesses into the school.
Stomach bugs are THE ABSOLUTE WORST, so I hope you feel better very soon. And you bring up so many good points here. The equity issues with testing are really concerning.
Our daycare has a symptom list for when kids get the boot. The list came from the state licensing board. It's the WORST! Any runny nose and your kiddo can't come in until they've been cleared by a doctor. This goes for every level of education so, now that K-12 is back, it's nearly impossible to get an appointment (in-person or telemed). Our kiddo has been booted almost 10 times in a year for a runny nose. Even the teachers know it's nuts. Our pediatrician's office says it's nuts. Everyone agrees it needs to be a runny nose plus one other symptom.
The symptom list was from the very first days of the virus and has not been updated since. I am all for being careful (particularly with delta) but we need to be reasonable. It's nearly impossible to juggle no childcare and job requirements. If it weren't for my understanding supervisor and employer, I would probably be one of those women dropping out of the workforce.
Wow... ten times in a year. That's awful. And very good point about pediatrician's offices being so busy that there are no appointments available. (And also - I worry about kids being exposed to other germs while they're there!!)
I'm worry about parents NOT testing their kids even when testing is warranted. We had a situation in which I found out a playmate had been exposed to Covid but their parent disagreed that the criteria were met for exposure. The parent never tested the child or anyone else in the family. Unless testing is mandated for attendance there will be kids attending who are sick. We have a situation between wanting to have teachers and kids be comfortable (by keeping outside doors closed and eating indoors) and Covid safety through increased ventilation and outdoor eating. Today the kids played and many classrooms ate outside: it's drizzling and 50 degrees. Most kids, especially the older ones, were not dressed to stay dry or warm. I worry about the parents becoming angry because their child was cold and wet and demanding that the kids have indoor recess and eat indoors even in slightly bad weather. We also have differences between teachers who are prioritizing Covid safety and asking for extra measures, like air purifiers, and teachers who refuse to keep a door open or accept an air purifier for their classroom. It is hard and feels like much is left to chance.
Yes... Midwest winters are no joke (I went to college in Michigan), and you're right, keeping the kids outside in the cold/rain/snow raises other equity-related issues. So interesting, too, that the protocols can change so much depending on the teacher's preferences/attitudes. I hadn't even thought about that. Oof.
I'm so wrung-out with post-Ida stress that I keep forgetting about COVID. My four-year-old has multiple meltdowns a day and has started acting aggressively toward his brother. My two-year-old can't bear to sleep alone. We were having issues with garbage collection long before the storm, and now nothing has been picked up in nearly a month. The whole town literally stinks! I called a friend who happens to be a child psychologist and she gave me some behavioral tricks to try, but mostly she stressed love and patience. And I really am trying but dealing with the kids and the insurance company and my mother-in-law having to stay with us because her house was wrecked and to top it all off I have to work full time because I make 80% of the family's income...I'm barely holding on y'all. I tried to get an appointment with an on-line therapist through my health insurance, but it's a three-week wait! I'm worried it will be months before my son's preschool reopens and that he will fall behind because I'm not up to working with him at home right now. I'm worried that my stress is making their lives worse, when I know it is my job to make their lives better. I'm worried that I'm not putting enough work into my marriage (although to be fair my husband insists our marriage is fine) because I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day for intimacy. My mom keeps saying we've only been back home for a few days and I need to give it more time to get back to normal, and I know she's right (this being my fourth major natural disaster--I really need to move) but it's the first time I've gone through this with children and it seems infinitely harder. I just want to be a good wife and mother and lawyer and it feels impossible to be even one of those things, much less all of them, right now.
Oh my gosh, it sounds like you are really struggling right now. I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much. I asked around on what you could do re: therapists, and someone suggested trying university psychology / counseling centers, which often have sliding scale fees (but may well have wait lists). There is also the National Parent Hotline if you want someone to talk to - they can give you emotional support, and may have other suggestions that could help.
Roberta, some therapist friends have offered to try to find more resources for you, but are asking what state you live in and what insurance you have. No pressure AT ALL but if you want to see if they can help, feel free email me at melindawmoyer at gmail.
Thank you so much for this. I'm going to talk to my gp this week and see if he knows someone who can squeeze me in, but if I don't find something soon I will reach out to you. I'm well aware that I need to care for myself to care for my family, and I appreciate the site you have created and the work you are doing <3
We have our first sick kid home today! So I'm right there with you on this worry. It's probably nothing, but what if it's Covid, also what if other parents aren't keeping kids home for this, also is this a one day thing (doable) or are we are on the verge of a 10 day thing or more. Oh! Less earth-shattering, but I'm also worrying about night-training our preschooler. Would love to be done with the pull-ups at last, also don't want wet beds and wake ups. So we just keep kicking that can down the road!
So sorry to hear your kid is sick, I hope they feel better soon. So much of this resonated with me. Thank you.
Thanks! (She's happily watching TV and snacking while we work, so doesn't seem too dire!)
Oh gosh! I hope she feels better very soon! Are you going to get her tested? Another thing that this made me wonder / worry about: Are schools providing / covering the costs of Covid testing when kids get sick? I don't think so, but this then raises all sorts of other issues. If families don't have good insurance or can't afford to test their kids every time they get a sniffle, those families will have the burden of keeping their kids home for ten days each time they get sick... oof.
Well, I guess or they could get a doctor's note (assuming it's easy enough for them to go to the doctor). I wonder, too, how these guidelines differ by state. I imagine there's a wide range.....
So she isn't actually symptomatic yet - she "feels nauseous" but that's it. So we took her home out of an abundance of caution but school said we don't have to test unless she does start throwing up or spikes a fever. And that we could start with a rapid test, but I'm curious abut that seeing your note above about the state guidance! So... at the moment crossing fingers that she doesn't actually develop symptoms and this can just be not a thing. Otherwise we will absolutely test (and prob do PCR since it's our high-risk kid and we need to know what's up).
And no, I don't think schools are paying for tests and agree, that's going to be a major equity issue.
Kudos to you for keeping her home out of an abundance of caution. Those are such hard decisions... especially when the symptoms aren't clear-cut!
There is so much money available for schools to provide more tests and so few districts and schools are taking advantage. Another thing I’ve asked for and have been told there’s no intention of taking the funds for testing (and therefore no intention to test).
I'm with you on this one. One week in daycare and my 3 and 1 year olds got RSV. We of course had to get them tested to rule out COVID or they're home 10 days. We can have a doctors note, but jury is out on whether the PCR/urgent care visit was more or less expensive than our typical $300+ doctor bill...And now 1 week later seems we have another cold. No winning this year!
I should add, I kept them home the last 18 months and took a semi hiatus on my career to work nights/weekends/naps or half days but I just can't do it anymore. I'm so tired, in my bones, but then it seems daycare is almost as hard. Plus my husband wants to take them out with no clear idea or plan on how that will impact me. He's a good dad but a dad in the most stereotypical sense if you get my drift.
This might not be helpful, but my pediatrician said that RSV is presenting with nausea and vomiting this year. She said it's the first time she's ever seen vomiting as an RSV symptom, but something about it is making kids puke this season. Sure enough, both of my kids who were taken in a couple of months ago for what we thought was a stomach flu tested positive for RSV. Of course, she also said it was odd for RSV to be making the rounds in July, so it could just be something weird going on in our locality. But I wanted to throw that out there since you mentioned it is important to know what's up in your situation.
In my area, the PCR testing has been free from the start. They ask for insurance information and try to charge your insurance, but if insurance won't pay, it's paid for through some federal program, though I've heard that that ends October 17 if it's not extended.
The county has also give out boxes of free at-home rapid tests, with instructions to test unvaccinated (and asymptomatic) family members twice a week. You swab your nose, dunk the swab in fluid, put a test strip in the fluid, and have a result in 10 minutes. I got a box of 25 for free. I've seen the same tests for sale on Amazon for like $20 each.
If we can have these things here, why can't they be everywhere?
Oh wow that's fantastic! I love that they are giving families free at-home rapid tests. My husband was able to get some kits through his work to bring home, but now they have run out because of the BinaxNOW shortages... sigh. Kudos to your county!!!!
Since the end of August, my three year old has been to the doctor twice (first to get a note stating he has seasonal allergies), then the next week to get a COVID and strep test (both negative). Then a couple weeks later, he was home with a cold and we kept him home for four days due to his cough and runny nose). I was also sick with the same cold and had to get a test to return to my office (I work remotely four days a week). It was hard and it's not even cold weather time yet. He most definitely got sick from another kid at daycare (he only goes there) so we've been trying to get him to wear a mask. It's not required in his classroom (yet) so it's really hard. His pediatrician's office is closing at the end of this month, so we also have to deal with that. Just wanted to share that we are also frustrated/scared/nervous. For the record, we live in northern Virginia with a fairly high vaccination rate.
Wow, this sounds so stressful. I'm sorry! Also crazy to me that masks aren't required in his daycare. I know that's the case in so much of the country but it just amplifies all of these issues... then again I also know it can be really hard to get little kids to wear masks... It's just hard all around.
We emailed the director and we're hoping other parents did as well. For now, we're having him wear it into and out of the building. He's in a facility for county employees so it's in an office building. All of the teachers and staff wear them and we wear them at all times and we aren't allowed in the classrooms. They also do not mix the classes at all. They are doing a pretty good job from what we can tell. I hope it didn't appear that I was pooping on them. ;)
Got it. Happy to hear!
My kids have colds right now (negative covid tests). Technically I can send them to school like this, but I feel so bad about the possibility of causing anxiety to the teachers, the other kids, and any parents who witness a cough or a runny nose. I mean, I practically jump out of my skin when I hear a cough these days! We are all so on edge. Not to mention, I would feel terrible if my kids got other kids sick, and then their parents had to go through the chore of getting their kids tested for covid and keeping them home for a while. Normally I world keep them home until the worst symptoms passed (e.g. no more fever, minor lingering cough only). But what should I do in these fraught pandemic times? It's unrealistic to keep kids out of school for two weeks if all they have is a lingering cough.
YES, this is such a good question. Even if your kid only has a mild cold, she could spread it to other kids and then their family has to go through all the rigamarole of figuring out what to do, getting tested, etc. Yet so many parents can't easily keep their kids home for long stretches at a time! I mean geez, runny noses and coughs can last for WEEKS. One key question to me seems to be: How long are kids contagious when they have colds/coughs? I should do some research on that and address it in a future newsletter.......
The other question is how long does it take from when they are exposed to when they show symptoms. It's really tricky.
Absolutely -- they can spread so much during that time...
And also, what does it do to our immune systems to not have any practice with little viruses?
Ooh! I wrote about this. Basically: We don't really know. And there are other things to weigh, like that kids are spending more time outside, which is exposing them to lots of good bacteria, too. Here's a link to the story I wrote: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/10/parenting/children-immunity-staying-home-coronavirus.html
Yes! That was a good one. Are kids really spending more time outside during quarantine though? I thought that was just a theory and haven't seen data on the question, and definitely not data broken down by socioeconomic class, urban vs. rural, etc. Here in San Francisco, we know some kids whose parents took them hiking, who have backyards, who have access to safe green space in their neighborhoods, etc. and others who spent the vast bulk of their time inside the last 18 months.
Good point.
We kept ours home until his cough was just in the morning and at night, which happens as he gets better. The last cold we used a nebulizer because it was mostly a cough, so we just waited until then. It was about a week.
I'm worried that I'm being too inflexible about the precautions that we're taking.
I'm worried that I'm being too lax with the precautions that we're taking.
I spent the first 15 months of this being the most conservative, and now I'm trying to be more flexible, as we can't just shut everything down forever, can we? There must be reasonable, low risk things we can do, right?
So, we (vaccinated adults, unvaccinated kids) can go to a friend's house (same vaccination statuses) for dinner, but only if it's outside. But what if it's rains? Do we cancel? What if the kids want to play inside and we make our kids mask but the other parents don't? What if the kids get sick and they get my vaccinated but older parents who provide childcare to us sick? What if no one gets sick but I ruin their social relationships with their peers because I won't let them do anything? What if, what if, what if.
FWIW, I live in a highly vaccinated part of an average vaccinated state. Our teachers are highly vaccinated, and our school is mandating masks and working hard to have lunch outside, but we're in the Midwest and winter is coming. My older two will hopefully be eligible for vaccine soon; my youngest will still have to wait.
In the same boat. So far the only change we’ve made to our rigid stance is school, because same-school virtual options don’t exist anymore even though things are worse now than they were 9/2020. I was very close to homeschooling but said we’d give it a go for the reason you list—maintaining some semblance of relationships with her peers. So for now I just continue to be the raging mom to school and county admin in a low vaxx, high anti-mask district.
You have all of my sympathy and admiration - as stressed as this all makes me, I am very grateful to have a governor, and superintendent, and principal who all generally align with my values.
Agreed - my kids' school seems to be handling things well and has good Covid protocols in place.
So well put -- I feel like we're navigating situations that have no clear answers, and which have downsides / risks no matter what we choose. It's like we just can't win! But you're right that Covid isn't the only thing to consider here. We have to think about our kids and their development and what they need and how they're struggling. I think you're smart to prioritize and do what feels right (but still relatively safe) in the moment — and that what feels right might change from day to day.
Loaded question! I’m worried about our one unvaxxed kid and I’m worried I’ve made the school vengeful toward her because I have zero patience and give zero sh*ts about calling out their negligence and disregard for basic precautions (and am in the minority). To your point, last week our principal specifically said headaches and stomachaches aren’t reasons to stay home and attendance is more important.
I’m worried because my child tax credit didn’t arrive on time and I really could use it this month.
I’m coping my tensing every muscle in my body and gnawing my cheeks. Cool!
Good for you for calling out negligence!! And I really hope your tax credit comes soon. Sending virtual (germ-free) hugs!!!
Good for you! I live in a low-vaxx state and both of mine are too little for the shot. I wish more parents would stand up for OUR kids like you are. Because it's not just your children that are impacted by the laxity, it's all of them. As grown-ups we owe it to them to do better. (Also, how the he'll are stomachaches not a reason to stay home? I don't want my kid to come home and puke on my shoes anymore than I want him to have COVID!)
People really don’t get the whole “it’s not you, it’s us” thing about contagious diseases. If I hear “we decided we were ok with the risk” one more time without “but didn’t want to infect the whole class so didn’t do the activity,” I will just explode.
I'm worried that being so intensely involved in our kids' day-to-day schooling and other aspects of their lives as well as having to be so protective over their health will really set us back as a society on the overparenting front. It's not easy to back off and give kids autonomy once we get accustomed to a certain level of control, and research indicates we'd be swimming against the cultural tide worldwide.
This is such a good point. You should write about this!!
Thanks! I did a piece at the very beginning of quarantine, but you're right that there's likely need for a follow-up once we have good research on how parents' involvement in schooling, restrictive health decisions, etc. changed. https://www.salon.com/2021/01/17/giving-kids-no-autonomy-at-all-has-become-a-parenting-norm--and-the-pandemic-is-worsening-the-trend/
We're coming up on fall break (kids have been in school for around 6 weeks here) and only one of my two kids has been exposed so far in class. She was able to do a "modified quarantine" and keep going to school since she was asymptomatic, but that meant driving to the county testing sites twice. There's no testing through the school, which feels like a huge equity issue to me, and the district is supposedly working on it. The school has been pretty strict about sending home sick kids, but I overheard a parent saying they sent their sick-with-a-cold kid to school "because they're wearing a mask anyway." Drives me bonkers.
On top of all that, I caught a stomach bug from somewhere and have been sick for a week (negative COVID test) and thank goodness at least the kids didn't catch it. I'm feeling much better but still exhausted and not looking forward to figuring out how to entertain two young kiddos on break. Normally I would've made more plans this week but I just haven't felt well enough. I'm worried about people coming back from vacations and introducing more illnesses into the school.
Stomach bugs are THE ABSOLUTE WORST, so I hope you feel better very soon. And you bring up so many good points here. The equity issues with testing are really concerning.
Our daycare has a symptom list for when kids get the boot. The list came from the state licensing board. It's the WORST! Any runny nose and your kiddo can't come in until they've been cleared by a doctor. This goes for every level of education so, now that K-12 is back, it's nearly impossible to get an appointment (in-person or telemed). Our kiddo has been booted almost 10 times in a year for a runny nose. Even the teachers know it's nuts. Our pediatrician's office says it's nuts. Everyone agrees it needs to be a runny nose plus one other symptom.
The symptom list was from the very first days of the virus and has not been updated since. I am all for being careful (particularly with delta) but we need to be reasonable. It's nearly impossible to juggle no childcare and job requirements. If it weren't for my understanding supervisor and employer, I would probably be one of those women dropping out of the workforce.
Wow... ten times in a year. That's awful. And very good point about pediatrician's offices being so busy that there are no appointments available. (And also - I worry about kids being exposed to other germs while they're there!!)
I'm worry about parents NOT testing their kids even when testing is warranted. We had a situation in which I found out a playmate had been exposed to Covid but their parent disagreed that the criteria were met for exposure. The parent never tested the child or anyone else in the family. Unless testing is mandated for attendance there will be kids attending who are sick. We have a situation between wanting to have teachers and kids be comfortable (by keeping outside doors closed and eating indoors) and Covid safety through increased ventilation and outdoor eating. Today the kids played and many classrooms ate outside: it's drizzling and 50 degrees. Most kids, especially the older ones, were not dressed to stay dry or warm. I worry about the parents becoming angry because their child was cold and wet and demanding that the kids have indoor recess and eat indoors even in slightly bad weather. We also have differences between teachers who are prioritizing Covid safety and asking for extra measures, like air purifiers, and teachers who refuse to keep a door open or accept an air purifier for their classroom. It is hard and feels like much is left to chance.
Yes... Midwest winters are no joke (I went to college in Michigan), and you're right, keeping the kids outside in the cold/rain/snow raises other equity-related issues. So interesting, too, that the protocols can change so much depending on the teacher's preferences/attitudes. I hadn't even thought about that. Oof.
I'm so wrung-out with post-Ida stress that I keep forgetting about COVID. My four-year-old has multiple meltdowns a day and has started acting aggressively toward his brother. My two-year-old can't bear to sleep alone. We were having issues with garbage collection long before the storm, and now nothing has been picked up in nearly a month. The whole town literally stinks! I called a friend who happens to be a child psychologist and she gave me some behavioral tricks to try, but mostly she stressed love and patience. And I really am trying but dealing with the kids and the insurance company and my mother-in-law having to stay with us because her house was wrecked and to top it all off I have to work full time because I make 80% of the family's income...I'm barely holding on y'all. I tried to get an appointment with an on-line therapist through my health insurance, but it's a three-week wait! I'm worried it will be months before my son's preschool reopens and that he will fall behind because I'm not up to working with him at home right now. I'm worried that my stress is making their lives worse, when I know it is my job to make their lives better. I'm worried that I'm not putting enough work into my marriage (although to be fair my husband insists our marriage is fine) because I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day for intimacy. My mom keeps saying we've only been back home for a few days and I need to give it more time to get back to normal, and I know she's right (this being my fourth major natural disaster--I really need to move) but it's the first time I've gone through this with children and it seems infinitely harder. I just want to be a good wife and mother and lawyer and it feels impossible to be even one of those things, much less all of them, right now.
Oh my gosh, it sounds like you are really struggling right now. I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much. I asked around on what you could do re: therapists, and someone suggested trying university psychology / counseling centers, which often have sliding scale fees (but may well have wait lists). There is also the National Parent Hotline if you want someone to talk to - they can give you emotional support, and may have other suggestions that could help.
I am sending all my strength your way. https://nationalparenthelpline.org/
Roberta, some therapist friends have offered to try to find more resources for you, but are asking what state you live in and what insurance you have. No pressure AT ALL but if you want to see if they can help, feel free email me at melindawmoyer at gmail.
Thank you so much for this. I'm going to talk to my gp this week and see if he knows someone who can squeeze me in, but if I don't find something soon I will reach out to you. I'm well aware that I need to care for myself to care for my family, and I appreciate the site you have created and the work you are doing <3