My husband does not care at all whether our 4 year old believes in Santa, but she does for now, and I am certainly not going to tell her the truth if she hasn’t asked! My husband is on call on Christmas Day which means we are celebrating Christmas with my family this weekend since we have to be back in town by Sunday night. We are doing presents from Santa with her at my Papa’s house on Sunday morning without her cousins present. She accepted very easily that Santa knows Daddy has to work and wants to make sure she gets her presents when Daddy, Mommy, Nana, Pop, and Papa can all be there to see how happy she is with her presents.
My nearly 7 year old nephew has started saying things to my sister like, “Admit it, you buy all the presents!” She easily deflected it with “I don’t buy all the presents” (which of course is true, my mom and her in-laws and our grandparents also buy him presents). She is not ready to tell the total truth because her 4.5 year old still really believes and she doesn’t want his brother to ruin it for him. We were skeptical but still believed until we were maybe 9? I can’t remember exactly, but we definitely felt like we got a lot of presents at Christmas and viewed our parents as too budget minded/responsible to spend what we felt like must have been a lot of money. We convinced friends of ours with our rationale to believe for longer!
I will say — and I don't know your 7yo nephew, obviously! — but my son LOVED being in the know about Santa and still pretending for his little sister. I think it made him feel mature and special. So it's possible that even if the 7yo does learn the truth, he'll keep the magic alive for his brother!
My daughter is almost 3, and this is the first year that she really understands holidays like Christmas. So far we’re not really opting into the Santa myth, but multiple adults have asked her if Santa is coming to her house, so
I know eventually she’s probably going to have some pointed questions, if not this year then next year. My plan is to make sure she knows that she will get presents on Christmas, that every family is different and believes different things, and that our family is extremely lucky to be able to share nice presents and do fun things at Christmas time and throughout the year. If she latches onto the idea of Santa in the future, then I’ll let her go down that road, but I’m not going to lead her down it.
That's more or less what we're doing with our 3yo and 1yo. But Santa is everywhere! We went on a holiday train with my sister's family, and my kids were just very confused by Santa. We've also seen him in books, movies, on people's lawns... We're neither discouraging nor encouraging.
My sister has opted out of the Santa, et al myths with her kids, but lets them be part of the traditions as make-believe; e.g. they get “tooth fairy” money under their pillows for lost teeth and know their mom is the tooth fairy. That’s made sense to me, because it seems similar to every other way kids kind of live in a perpetual, intentional fantasy.
I’d be curious, though, to know about the effects of *not* going along with the Santa lie. Does it ostracize kids among their peers? Make them feel othered in the culture? Promote social health in some way? It’s interesting to learn from Candice that the myth doesn’t have a lasting impact on most people!
We did Christmas but not Santa. I didn't feel ostracized - you feel a little more like an adult since you know your friends believe something that's a lie.
My 11 year old is very innocent and I think mostly knows the truth and otherwise wants to believe, like Fox Mulder. I have tried to relay to him you can still enjoy Santa/Xmas even when you know who does the actually work (which I think is important for kids to realize, for us real Santas out there.)
my friend told me recently a bunch of 5th grade moms at her school are mad b/c the kids have to research Xmas in other countries and their research may make them realize there is no Santa which I think is absurd. Fine if you're a 5th grader who still believes but as a parent if you think THIS is the tipping point, when your kid can be online/have friends who are online/have friends who are older/have friends who are not Christian, you need to get real. I think a "knowledge is the enemy" attitude, for kids about to be in middle school, is not it.
LOL Fox Mulder - that's a name I haven't heard in a while.
That's so fascinating and odd about the 5th grade moms. I totally agree -- 5th grade is a perfectly appropriate time to learn the truth, and if the kids have access to the Internet and half a brain, it's pretty unreasonable to expect the myth to live on! And not great from a broader media literacy perspective, either, as you point out.
They also posit that “if you don’t believe, you don’t receive.” So weird! “Santa” was still putting batteries and cute tissues and earrings in my stocking well into my 30’s. Still fun.
Oooh, I hate that "if you don't believe you don't receive." I'm delighted to give presents and I kinda like getting the credit anyway instead of Santa. Why would you force your kids to play along and hold them hostage to this belief??? Uggghhh. Just like we don't do "the naughty list" thing either--presents are about sharing joy with others, not things you have to earn by being good.
I grew up not believing in Santa (my parents didn't perpetuate the idea, partly for religious reasons), and I don't do Santa with my kids either. As a non-Santa family, the thing I feel like I run into the most from other parents is some skepticism about how the holidays can be magical without it - but they're plenty magical! We had lots of holiday traditions as a kid that I loved, and we have some that my own kids love. My kids are still very excited about getting their presents on Christmas and it doesn't matter to them who they're from. And personally, any language about "naughty and nice" lists makes me salty. ;)
I don't believe that my own children are obligated to perpetuate a myth for others, but at the same time (with my oldest, who's in second grade) we do talk about the ways that different families have different beliefs and traditions and that's okay. So while we might not believe in Santa, other friends might and it's important to respect that belief they have.
Yes! Same here. My parents had the pretty reasonable concern that if they lied to us about Santa (and the tooth fairy etc), we might end up with some rather pointed doubts about God, so they took an "honesty is best" policy. It definitely didn't make the holidays less magical, and I think it helped us be more grateful for our gifts, knowing that they all came from our cash-strapped parents. I do remember my mother explaining that some people, like my grandmother, believed in Santa, so we should be considerate of their beliefs and not argue with them. No different than dealing with other religions tbh (which my grandparents also were).
And yes, my daughter (almost 6) also knows there is no Santa or tooth fairy. Asking about their reality was basically the first thing she did when she heard about them, so I'm glad I already had made up my mind. She still gets plenty of Christmas presents, we still do pictures with "Santa" when she's interested, she still gets tooth money, and she still hasn't told her cousin (who does believe in Santa and the tooth fairy) so I think it's working out so far.
Yes, I love this! While we do have some Santa traditions, the vast majority of our holiday traditions aren't santa and are still just as magical! We go see the Nutcracker, we have a "Chrismukkah" party with our friends, we celebrate Hanukkah and bake treats for our neighbors, we go to a holiday tea, we take walks to look at the holiday lights, we visit family and decorate cookies together. We make or buy presents for friends and family. And watching my kid get excited about giving her gifts is really really special. And all of that is magic that's not about Santa.
What I find really interesting is how the parenting social media sphere has really turned towards the "don't lie about santa" messaging in recent years. SO many accounts have been going at this for weeks and weeks. It's yet another thing to worry about, where we are prompted to unpack our own childhood experiences, and think deeply about what we want to pass on to our kids. All of which can be a bit emotionally exhausting! I appreciate you sharing this interview and hearing about the research. As always, it is comforting to know that there are a range of approaches for families, and it's ok.
For my kid, who is 4, I was sort of planning to "do" santa for a few years. But this past summer, I'm talking in the middle of July, he woke up at 2 am and called out to me. When I went into his room he said "how does Santa get into our house if we don't have a chimney". I was obviously unprepared for the discussion but I said "well, Santa is magic". He said "but magic isn't real right? Like dragons, not real right?" (we had recently had a discussion about dinosaurs being real but dragons being imaginary). And that was that. I said- ya, like dragons, santa is a fun imaginary thing. He said ok. This xmas season he is super excited, and is expecting to get presents from imaginary Santa under the tree.
Such an interesting observation about parenting social media. It totally tracks -- many of these accounts seek to increase parental anxiety so that they can make money off of the fear! So of course they're warning parents that lying about Santa will ruin their kids for life. Blargh. It's so frustrating.
On the flip side, I love your anecdote! I bet he felt proud that he figured it out, too.
I fully, 100% believed in Santa until I was 12. And I only found out because an adult told another adult, right next to me, "It took me until I was a grown-up to figure out that Santa Claus was daddy" (yeah, that's burned into my brain! I can still hear her voice!). I was devastated for a short time, I don't quite recall exactly how long, I mostly remember the immediate aftermath and wrestling with myself in my head about how surely her daddy was Santa Claus but mine was not. I did spend several months in denial after that, helping my mom pick out candy for the Easter Bunny but insisting in my head that while the Easter Bunny wasn't real, Santa was.
I was not taught to be either skeptical or how to think critically, though, and I had five younger siblings and my parents were very, very good at Santa. Their special Santa paper was extremely well-hidden and they had a distinct but consistent Santa handwriting on the labels, and one year when I accidentally found some small Santa presents in a closet they got new ones.
My kid is 7 and we have actively taught him how to be skeptical and ask questions and not necessarily believe everything that everyone tells you. He hasn't asked us directly if Santa is real, but he's started saying things like "if Santa is real". He got a Magic 8 Ball from his grandparents for early Christmas and immediately asked it if Santa was real, ha. My sense is that he's suspicious but isn't asking us directly because if Santa's not real, he doesn't want to know about it, and he knows that I won't lie to him if he asks me point-blank.
Interestingly, Dr. Mills's research has found that the older kids are when they find out he isn't real, the harder they tend to take the news. So I can imagine it was tough when you learned at 12!
I don't remember the moment of realization -- I remember understanding it as a shared fiction between myself and my parents, so that the Christmas I was eight, when one of my parents slipped a little I was just surprised that they'd said it outright. When I was younger than that I had accidentally found a doll that ended up in my stocking, and I don't remember any surprise seeing it there.
So what I'm struggling with with my kid is that he wants my confirmation that Santa isn't real, and I'm like, kid, come on, you can talk about it with whoever you want but it's supposed to remain unspoken between *us*! Because that's how I'd felt as a kid. He does do the thing of going back and forth, though. With the tooth fairy, one month he'll be saying "the tooth fairy is you guys" and the next month he has a whole plan to reuse teeth to get extra tooth fairy money (he always leaves a note asking to have his tooth left so he has a collection).
Last night he did ask about elf on the shelf (which we don't do) and I was very blunt that it's a thing parents do.
My daughter is 11 and I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe anymore, but she's not interested in owning up to the fact that she doesn't believe. My husband even asked her this year "so what are you thinking about Santa this year?" and she shrugged and said "I think he's a nice man who gives gifts". My husband is Jewish so Santa has only been a small part of our holiday season and she knows we get her the Hanukkah presents obviously. When we spend Christmas at my sister's, she knows she gets fewer presents than her cousins because she also gets Hanukkah presents. We never super stressed Santa--never did Elf on the Shelf (best parenting decision I ever made) or stressed the "be good or Santa won't bring you gifts" usually didn't make a big production over being surprised about what her Santa gift was. Santa generally does the stockings and one or two gifts and the rest are from parents. But I've owned a few gifts in her stockings some years and she knows my husband and I fill each other's stockings. But she did see Santa at the annual Christmas tea we go to every year and she was happy to wait in line and bring him a letter she wrote, she liked leaving him cookies and a note every year and if she asked Santa a question in her note, we would write back because she absolutely loves that sort of thing. And I think that's because she likes magic--she's all in on fantasy. And just like she knows now she won't get a Hogwarts letter or find out she's really a demi god like Percy Jackson, I think she knows Santa isn't real. But that knowledge doesn't stop her from having heated debates with her friends about which Percy Jackson characters should be a couple and it doesn't stop her from enjoying Christmas with a little bit of make believe. She stood in line for Santa at the tea this year, mostly for the photo op, (I told her she could opt out) and didn't really ask for anything. I doubt she's the kind of kid who will ever feel the need to confront me about whether Santa is real, like her cousins have done with my sister. I was like this too--eventually we just stopped referencing Santa in our house but I never needed to flat out tell my parents I didn't believe anymore. And I don't need to make a production out of not doing Santa anymore either. I think it'll just gradually fade away.
My parents didn't do Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc. I don't feel like I missed out. Well, I didn't miss out on Christmas or the Easter Bunny, but I would have liked some coin for losing my teeth haha. My parents made it very clear we should never tell someone Santa didn't exist, so I never did. It was fun being in on the lie with the grownups. Nobody every asked me if he was real.
I have a 4 yo. I haven't told her Santa was real - her grandparents and my husband would sometimes obliquely mention Santa, but I wasn't going to be super into keeping up the lie. She announced at dinner the other day she didn't believe Santa was real. We laughed and told her he wasn't, but the idea of him is - of giving gifts and being generous. She seemed okay with that, though she did have some pointed questions for me in the middle of Target when she was talking about him again and I was telling her she should never tell people he wasn't real. "Why should I not tell people he's not real?" Me: "Because people think it ruins the magic of Christmas." Her: "Why?" Me: "I don't really know, I think we can have Christmas magic without him"... Fine questions, but not surrounded by possible believers haha
We just sat down with our son who will be 12 in a few weeks. He is very young for his age and tries desperately to fit in at school. We weren’t sure if he still believed because he is a pretty critical thinker, but we knew that if he DID believe and mentioned something at school and someone ELSE told him or made fun of him, he’d be devastated. He gets so embarrassed. I have this book called The wonderful truth about Santa, and while it is meant for younger kids, we read the book with him and it formed the basis for our discussion. We also told him that if he felt sad about it at any point he could talk with us, and empowered him to keep Santa alive for his little sister. I think he took it ok, but I’ll tell you what: I cried about it later that night (alone, lol). There is something about ending that chapter of his life that hit me hard. I’m determined to keep making Christmas magical for him, Santa or not.
My family is Jewish but we do Christmas with relatives. No tree or anything at our house but we open gifts every Christmas morning with my family that celebrates.
My kids have asked about Santa and I just say he is a fun magical game. My 3 year old is at a Jewish preschool so she calls him “Christmas guy” and knows nothing but my 1st grader gets so much Santa messaging. I really struggle with asking him to pretend for other kids. I’m not willing to do that but I do say well some families believe so who are we to say.
My question: would you all be upset if another kid did tell your child? How do you reconcile that? I’m hoping my kids won’t ask many questions and won’t tell anyone but I live in fear of them telling someone and a parent being upset.
My husband does not care at all whether our 4 year old believes in Santa, but she does for now, and I am certainly not going to tell her the truth if she hasn’t asked! My husband is on call on Christmas Day which means we are celebrating Christmas with my family this weekend since we have to be back in town by Sunday night. We are doing presents from Santa with her at my Papa’s house on Sunday morning without her cousins present. She accepted very easily that Santa knows Daddy has to work and wants to make sure she gets her presents when Daddy, Mommy, Nana, Pop, and Papa can all be there to see how happy she is with her presents.
My nearly 7 year old nephew has started saying things to my sister like, “Admit it, you buy all the presents!” She easily deflected it with “I don’t buy all the presents” (which of course is true, my mom and her in-laws and our grandparents also buy him presents). She is not ready to tell the total truth because her 4.5 year old still really believes and she doesn’t want his brother to ruin it for him. We were skeptical but still believed until we were maybe 9? I can’t remember exactly, but we definitely felt like we got a lot of presents at Christmas and viewed our parents as too budget minded/responsible to spend what we felt like must have been a lot of money. We convinced friends of ours with our rationale to believe for longer!
I will say — and I don't know your 7yo nephew, obviously! — but my son LOVED being in the know about Santa and still pretending for his little sister. I think it made him feel mature and special. So it's possible that even if the 7yo does learn the truth, he'll keep the magic alive for his brother!
My daughter is almost 3, and this is the first year that she really understands holidays like Christmas. So far we’re not really opting into the Santa myth, but multiple adults have asked her if Santa is coming to her house, so
I know eventually she’s probably going to have some pointed questions, if not this year then next year. My plan is to make sure she knows that she will get presents on Christmas, that every family is different and believes different things, and that our family is extremely lucky to be able to share nice presents and do fun things at Christmas time and throughout the year. If she latches onto the idea of Santa in the future, then I’ll let her go down that road, but I’m not going to lead her down it.
That's more or less what we're doing with our 3yo and 1yo. But Santa is everywhere! We went on a holiday train with my sister's family, and my kids were just very confused by Santa. We've also seen him in books, movies, on people's lawns... We're neither discouraging nor encouraging.
My sister has opted out of the Santa, et al myths with her kids, but lets them be part of the traditions as make-believe; e.g. they get “tooth fairy” money under their pillows for lost teeth and know their mom is the tooth fairy. That’s made sense to me, because it seems similar to every other way kids kind of live in a perpetual, intentional fantasy.
I’d be curious, though, to know about the effects of *not* going along with the Santa lie. Does it ostracize kids among their peers? Make them feel othered in the culture? Promote social health in some way? It’s interesting to learn from Candice that the myth doesn’t have a lasting impact on most people!
We did Christmas but not Santa. I didn't feel ostracized - you feel a little more like an adult since you know your friends believe something that's a lie.
I love that! That’s the sense I get from my niblings, like they love knowing something the other kids don’t know.
My 11 year old is very innocent and I think mostly knows the truth and otherwise wants to believe, like Fox Mulder. I have tried to relay to him you can still enjoy Santa/Xmas even when you know who does the actually work (which I think is important for kids to realize, for us real Santas out there.)
my friend told me recently a bunch of 5th grade moms at her school are mad b/c the kids have to research Xmas in other countries and their research may make them realize there is no Santa which I think is absurd. Fine if you're a 5th grader who still believes but as a parent if you think THIS is the tipping point, when your kid can be online/have friends who are online/have friends who are older/have friends who are not Christian, you need to get real. I think a "knowledge is the enemy" attitude, for kids about to be in middle school, is not it.
LOL Fox Mulder - that's a name I haven't heard in a while.
That's so fascinating and odd about the 5th grade moms. I totally agree -- 5th grade is a perfectly appropriate time to learn the truth, and if the kids have access to the Internet and half a brain, it's pretty unreasonable to expect the myth to live on! And not great from a broader media literacy perspective, either, as you point out.
They also posit that “if you don’t believe, you don’t receive.” So weird! “Santa” was still putting batteries and cute tissues and earrings in my stocking well into my 30’s. Still fun.
Whaaaaat! OMG! That's terrible. And only encourages the kids to lie and say they still believe when they don't...
Oooh, I hate that "if you don't believe you don't receive." I'm delighted to give presents and I kinda like getting the credit anyway instead of Santa. Why would you force your kids to play along and hold them hostage to this belief??? Uggghhh. Just like we don't do "the naughty list" thing either--presents are about sharing joy with others, not things you have to earn by being good.
I grew up not believing in Santa (my parents didn't perpetuate the idea, partly for religious reasons), and I don't do Santa with my kids either. As a non-Santa family, the thing I feel like I run into the most from other parents is some skepticism about how the holidays can be magical without it - but they're plenty magical! We had lots of holiday traditions as a kid that I loved, and we have some that my own kids love. My kids are still very excited about getting their presents on Christmas and it doesn't matter to them who they're from. And personally, any language about "naughty and nice" lists makes me salty. ;)
I don't believe that my own children are obligated to perpetuate a myth for others, but at the same time (with my oldest, who's in second grade) we do talk about the ways that different families have different beliefs and traditions and that's okay. So while we might not believe in Santa, other friends might and it's important to respect that belief they have.
Gah, if only adults could understand how other people believe different things and it’s none of their business!
I love this! Thank you for sharing!
Yes! Same here. My parents had the pretty reasonable concern that if they lied to us about Santa (and the tooth fairy etc), we might end up with some rather pointed doubts about God, so they took an "honesty is best" policy. It definitely didn't make the holidays less magical, and I think it helped us be more grateful for our gifts, knowing that they all came from our cash-strapped parents. I do remember my mother explaining that some people, like my grandmother, believed in Santa, so we should be considerate of their beliefs and not argue with them. No different than dealing with other religions tbh (which my grandparents also were).
And yes, my daughter (almost 6) also knows there is no Santa or tooth fairy. Asking about their reality was basically the first thing she did when she heard about them, so I'm glad I already had made up my mind. She still gets plenty of Christmas presents, we still do pictures with "Santa" when she's interested, she still gets tooth money, and she still hasn't told her cousin (who does believe in Santa and the tooth fairy) so I think it's working out so far.
Yes, I love this! While we do have some Santa traditions, the vast majority of our holiday traditions aren't santa and are still just as magical! We go see the Nutcracker, we have a "Chrismukkah" party with our friends, we celebrate Hanukkah and bake treats for our neighbors, we go to a holiday tea, we take walks to look at the holiday lights, we visit family and decorate cookies together. We make or buy presents for friends and family. And watching my kid get excited about giving her gifts is really really special. And all of that is magic that's not about Santa.
+1
What I find really interesting is how the parenting social media sphere has really turned towards the "don't lie about santa" messaging in recent years. SO many accounts have been going at this for weeks and weeks. It's yet another thing to worry about, where we are prompted to unpack our own childhood experiences, and think deeply about what we want to pass on to our kids. All of which can be a bit emotionally exhausting! I appreciate you sharing this interview and hearing about the research. As always, it is comforting to know that there are a range of approaches for families, and it's ok.
For my kid, who is 4, I was sort of planning to "do" santa for a few years. But this past summer, I'm talking in the middle of July, he woke up at 2 am and called out to me. When I went into his room he said "how does Santa get into our house if we don't have a chimney". I was obviously unprepared for the discussion but I said "well, Santa is magic". He said "but magic isn't real right? Like dragons, not real right?" (we had recently had a discussion about dinosaurs being real but dragons being imaginary). And that was that. I said- ya, like dragons, santa is a fun imaginary thing. He said ok. This xmas season he is super excited, and is expecting to get presents from imaginary Santa under the tree.
Such an interesting observation about parenting social media. It totally tracks -- many of these accounts seek to increase parental anxiety so that they can make money off of the fear! So of course they're warning parents that lying about Santa will ruin their kids for life. Blargh. It's so frustrating.
On the flip side, I love your anecdote! I bet he felt proud that he figured it out, too.
I fully, 100% believed in Santa until I was 12. And I only found out because an adult told another adult, right next to me, "It took me until I was a grown-up to figure out that Santa Claus was daddy" (yeah, that's burned into my brain! I can still hear her voice!). I was devastated for a short time, I don't quite recall exactly how long, I mostly remember the immediate aftermath and wrestling with myself in my head about how surely her daddy was Santa Claus but mine was not. I did spend several months in denial after that, helping my mom pick out candy for the Easter Bunny but insisting in my head that while the Easter Bunny wasn't real, Santa was.
I was not taught to be either skeptical or how to think critically, though, and I had five younger siblings and my parents were very, very good at Santa. Their special Santa paper was extremely well-hidden and they had a distinct but consistent Santa handwriting on the labels, and one year when I accidentally found some small Santa presents in a closet they got new ones.
My kid is 7 and we have actively taught him how to be skeptical and ask questions and not necessarily believe everything that everyone tells you. He hasn't asked us directly if Santa is real, but he's started saying things like "if Santa is real". He got a Magic 8 Ball from his grandparents for early Christmas and immediately asked it if Santa was real, ha. My sense is that he's suspicious but isn't asking us directly because if Santa's not real, he doesn't want to know about it, and he knows that I won't lie to him if he asks me point-blank.
Interestingly, Dr. Mills's research has found that the older kids are when they find out he isn't real, the harder they tend to take the news. So I can imagine it was tough when you learned at 12!
I don't remember the moment of realization -- I remember understanding it as a shared fiction between myself and my parents, so that the Christmas I was eight, when one of my parents slipped a little I was just surprised that they'd said it outright. When I was younger than that I had accidentally found a doll that ended up in my stocking, and I don't remember any surprise seeing it there.
So what I'm struggling with with my kid is that he wants my confirmation that Santa isn't real, and I'm like, kid, come on, you can talk about it with whoever you want but it's supposed to remain unspoken between *us*! Because that's how I'd felt as a kid. He does do the thing of going back and forth, though. With the tooth fairy, one month he'll be saying "the tooth fairy is you guys" and the next month he has a whole plan to reuse teeth to get extra tooth fairy money (he always leaves a note asking to have his tooth left so he has a collection).
Last night he did ask about elf on the shelf (which we don't do) and I was very blunt that it's a thing parents do.
When my kids were in wanting-confirmation-about-Santa stage I often answered their questions with questions. "What do YOU think?" It usually worked!
My daughter is 11 and I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe anymore, but she's not interested in owning up to the fact that she doesn't believe. My husband even asked her this year "so what are you thinking about Santa this year?" and she shrugged and said "I think he's a nice man who gives gifts". My husband is Jewish so Santa has only been a small part of our holiday season and she knows we get her the Hanukkah presents obviously. When we spend Christmas at my sister's, she knows she gets fewer presents than her cousins because she also gets Hanukkah presents. We never super stressed Santa--never did Elf on the Shelf (best parenting decision I ever made) or stressed the "be good or Santa won't bring you gifts" usually didn't make a big production over being surprised about what her Santa gift was. Santa generally does the stockings and one or two gifts and the rest are from parents. But I've owned a few gifts in her stockings some years and she knows my husband and I fill each other's stockings. But she did see Santa at the annual Christmas tea we go to every year and she was happy to wait in line and bring him a letter she wrote, she liked leaving him cookies and a note every year and if she asked Santa a question in her note, we would write back because she absolutely loves that sort of thing. And I think that's because she likes magic--she's all in on fantasy. And just like she knows now she won't get a Hogwarts letter or find out she's really a demi god like Percy Jackson, I think she knows Santa isn't real. But that knowledge doesn't stop her from having heated debates with her friends about which Percy Jackson characters should be a couple and it doesn't stop her from enjoying Christmas with a little bit of make believe. She stood in line for Santa at the tea this year, mostly for the photo op, (I told her she could opt out) and didn't really ask for anything. I doubt she's the kind of kid who will ever feel the need to confront me about whether Santa is real, like her cousins have done with my sister. I was like this too--eventually we just stopped referencing Santa in our house but I never needed to flat out tell my parents I didn't believe anymore. And I don't need to make a production out of not doing Santa anymore either. I think it'll just gradually fade away.
My parents didn't do Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc. I don't feel like I missed out. Well, I didn't miss out on Christmas or the Easter Bunny, but I would have liked some coin for losing my teeth haha. My parents made it very clear we should never tell someone Santa didn't exist, so I never did. It was fun being in on the lie with the grownups. Nobody every asked me if he was real.
I have a 4 yo. I haven't told her Santa was real - her grandparents and my husband would sometimes obliquely mention Santa, but I wasn't going to be super into keeping up the lie. She announced at dinner the other day she didn't believe Santa was real. We laughed and told her he wasn't, but the idea of him is - of giving gifts and being generous. She seemed okay with that, though she did have some pointed questions for me in the middle of Target when she was talking about him again and I was telling her she should never tell people he wasn't real. "Why should I not tell people he's not real?" Me: "Because people think it ruins the magic of Christmas." Her: "Why?" Me: "I don't really know, I think we can have Christmas magic without him"... Fine questions, but not surrounded by possible believers haha
Haha yes that's the tricky part isn't it. I love that your 4yo figured it out by herself!!!!
Well, she *does* want to be a detective when she grows up.
We just sat down with our son who will be 12 in a few weeks. He is very young for his age and tries desperately to fit in at school. We weren’t sure if he still believed because he is a pretty critical thinker, but we knew that if he DID believe and mentioned something at school and someone ELSE told him or made fun of him, he’d be devastated. He gets so embarrassed. I have this book called The wonderful truth about Santa, and while it is meant for younger kids, we read the book with him and it formed the basis for our discussion. We also told him that if he felt sad about it at any point he could talk with us, and empowered him to keep Santa alive for his little sister. I think he took it ok, but I’ll tell you what: I cried about it later that night (alone, lol). There is something about ending that chapter of his life that hit me hard. I’m determined to keep making Christmas magical for him, Santa or not.
My family is Jewish but we do Christmas with relatives. No tree or anything at our house but we open gifts every Christmas morning with my family that celebrates.
My kids have asked about Santa and I just say he is a fun magical game. My 3 year old is at a Jewish preschool so she calls him “Christmas guy” and knows nothing but my 1st grader gets so much Santa messaging. I really struggle with asking him to pretend for other kids. I’m not willing to do that but I do say well some families believe so who are we to say.
My question: would you all be upset if another kid did tell your child? How do you reconcile that? I’m hoping my kids won’t ask many questions and won’t tell anyone but I live in fear of them telling someone and a parent being upset.