The Power of Parental Storytelling

Stories shape kids' sense of self, self-esteem, and emotional development.

Before I jump into today’s newsletter, a quick welcome to all the new paid subscribers who have taken advantage of my special pre-order gift. There are a lot of you! As a reminder: If you pre-order my new book Hello, Cruel World!, and send the receipt to HelloCruelWorld@PRH.com, you will get six free months of paid content to this newsletter. You can pre-order from any bookstore, but if you pre-order from Split Rock Books, you can request a signed and/or personalized copy.

Sometimes, when I start a conversation with my tween or teen, it feels like I’m talking into an abyss. I wonder whether they actually ever hear anything I say, and whether the discussions I (attempt to) have with them make any difference.

But this week, after digging into a fascinating collection of studies, I’m reminded that the answer is yes. Yes, the things we say to our kids really matter, and yes, kids really are listening.

I’ve written about the power of conversations before, of course, in terms of the value of talking about complicated and controversial topics such as sex, race, abortion, and troubling current events.

But — and this may be a huge relief to hear — the easy conversations really matter, too. Among other things, the more we coax our kids to talk about their everyday experiences, and the more we share stories about our own experiences, the stronger kids’ social and emotional skills seem to become. These kinds of conversations help kids understand and evaluate their emotional experiences, draw meaning from them, and develop a stronger sense of self.

Let me dig into this research a bit so I can explain how it all works, what kinds of conversations seem to have the biggest impacts at which ages, and why none of this needs to be a source of parental stress.