The 2023 "Is My Kid the Asshole?" Annual Report
Everybody hates slime.
Merry belated Christmas to those of you who celebrate! We are in San Diego visiting my husband’s family. It’s been a beautiful visit so far, although we’ve only spent a few precious hours outside as we’ve spent the rest wrapping and opening gifts, cooking, and eating (I mean, I can’t complain). Here’s a photo from our Airbnb on Christmas eve, the night we arrived:
Over the past month, as you know, I’ve been reflecting a lot on this year — trying to make sense of everything that has happened in the world, the changes it’s brought, the decisions I’ve made. Among other things, in 2023, I quit a job, started writing a second book, and embarked on a major home renovation (which is still ongoing).
I also started pouring more and more energy into this newsletter. So today I want to reflect on the newsletter, how far it’s come over the past 12 months, and what you’ve loved the most and the least here in 2023.
This Newsletter Has Grown!
First things first: There are so many more of you now than there were a year ago — and especially two years ago! When 2021 came to a close, I had just under 1,000 subscribers. A year later, in December 2022, there were 9,400 of you. Over the course of 2023, my subscriber numbers have more than doubled, and there are now more than 21,300 of you reading Is My Kid the Asshole?. I couldn’t be happier about this — especially because it means our newsletter community is growing and thriving, too. I love learning from you in the threads, watching you support each other, and hearing all your ideas.
You’re from all over, too — this newsletter has subscribers from 50 states and 154 countries including India, Bulgaria, Zimbabwe, the United Arab Emirates, Vietnam, Zambia, Venezuela, and Bangladesh.
I want to especially thank those of you who have been paid subscribers this year. There were 666 of you at the end of 2022 (uh that’s not ominous or anything) and now there are more than 1,400 of you. I appreciate each and every paid subscriber, because you are providing the income I need to I write my book. (Advances are great, but mine will not cover anything close to this year’s salary!)
As I shared last week, I recently quit my teaching job; I’m also writing a lot less for The New York Times so that I have the time and mental space to dig deep into book reporting. Over the past few months I’ve been reading dozens of studies and interviewing researchers on tons of topics for the book, including how to help kids build self-advocacy skills, self-compassion, financial literacy, empathy, resilience, and more. I couldn’t do this without your support. So thank you, again, from the bottom of my heart.
For those who haven’t yet made the jump: I’m offering 20% off paid subscriptions for the rest of this week.
What You Loved
Okay, let’s see what you enjoyed most this year, shall we?
The Newsletter that Was Shared the Most
This would be my newsletter exploring the science on why boys and men are so lonely and what we as parents can do about it. The boys aren’t alright, folks. And it seems you, like me, are worried about them!
The Newsletter that Brought the Most New Free Subscribers
A bunch of you subscribed after reading this July newsletter in which I debunked the common notion that kids are better off when mothers make more sacrifices.
The Thread with the Most Comments
I’m not at all surprised by this one — it’s when I asked you to rant about the kid stuff you despise. Who doesn’t love to bitch about slime and glitter?
The Essay with the Most (and Best!) Comments
My recent newsletter in which I shared details about my recent mental health struggles and the advice my therapist gave me. You were so supportive and shared a ton about what you’ve been going through and what’s helped you.
What You Didn’t Love
Now let’s take a look at this year’s flops. This is important information for me because I need to know what you want less of, too! Here are some pieces that just didn’t seem to resonate. (Note: I’m excluding this month’s posts from the rankings, because open rates typically continue to increase over the course of weeks. I know what it’s like to be slow to open emails!)
The Essay with the Lowest Open Rate
The prize for biggest essay flop goes to this piece I wrote about the loss of our beloved dog Henry. Look, I get it — I don’t really want to read sad newsletters about pet deaths, either.
The Thread with the Lowest Open Rate
It was this one, celebrating teachers and how awesome they are. HMMM. I know you love teachers (and many of you are teachers!), so maybe you just felt you didn’t have anything original to say? That must be it.
The Free Essay that Brought the Fewest Free Subscribers
Oh yes, that would be the one in which I vented about my daughter having mono and that parenting worries never, ever cease. I bet you were all like “yeah, we know.” Zero new free subscribers from this one!
The Paid Essay that Brought the Fewest Paid Subscribers
It was my newsletter about how to talk to kids about police violence. Either you already knew how to do this (good job!) or you didn’t feel like you could engage with this topic. It was, indeed, a tough read.
What I’ve Learned
I love me a good analysis session. So what do these statistics tell us about what I should strive for here in 2024?
Fewer infectious disease and pet death discussions.
More arguments for why moms should do less.
More deep-dives into why slime should be illegal.
This is content I can get behind.
What were your favorite newsletters from 2023? Share in the comments!
Hi Melinda, thanks for the behind the scenes insight! I'm a rather new subscriber and haven't had the time to go through your archives, so my suggestion might be off base: First of all, I very much enjoy reading your newsletters as they provide me with a lot of insight and scientific evidence for one of the hardest things I have to do in my life: being a working dad. Your writing is accessible and insightful.
But, as a dad who doesn't just "help" raising his kids, I felt a bit unseen and also not as much as I'd like to be part of your audience if that makes sense. When I opened your newsletter about asking your "partner" for help, I was really surprised that it was mostly about mothers, which in general makes sense. But still, it stung a little. (I had the same feeling when I read "Hunt, gather, parent", but I still cherish that book, and yours of course.) This might be a widely unpopular or strange request, but would you consider publishing a few newsletters about fathers and the role they can play in raising their kids, creating a family etc.?
I hope my comment doesn't come across as condescending or sour. I really appreciate your work.
Best wishes,
Tom
Virginia Solesmith's recap also pointed out that her subscribers engaged least with anything touching on social justice. I really hope that this doesn't make you stop covering those things (like police violence). They are unpopular (as we know from literally everything that's happening now), but it's not a sign we shouldn't be talking about it! The more we do talk about it, the easier it becomes too engage with.