***UPDATE: I am hearing that some, but not all, free subscribers are unable to comment. I don’t understand why, because I’ve checked my settings many times and this thread should be open to free subscribers. I AM SO SORRY AND ALSO THIS MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM EVEN MORE.
I will organize another scream soon once I’ve figured out what’s wrong with my settings. I’m so sorry to those of you who’ve joined and can’t comment!!***
Greetings, parents who are barely hanging in there! Tonight’s real-time scream is starting now, so please join if you can. I encourage you to rant, vent, scream, yell, cry in the thread below …. whatever you need in this moment, we understand. I’ll be here until around 9pm ET to virtually wipe your tears and commiserate.
There’s no audio or video in the thread, sorry — but for the sake of those with sleeping children, perhaps that’s for the best? (HOWEVER, by all means, if you want to/can, please also scream loudly at your computer. I do that frequently.)
ALSO, if you enjoy this thread, don’t forget that I host weekly threads for paid subscribers. We vent, support each other, share tips, etc. And right now I’m running a 30% off sale for all paid subscriptions:
Because I’ve opened this up to the public, I also want to share some thread ground rules:
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I reserve the right to delete comments that break these ground rules and/or ban people who make repeat offenses. And ban I will, believe me.
Hi everyone! I literally got my 7yo in bed ONE MINUTE AGO and now I'm definitely ready to scream. So...... I think I'm just going to start by saying AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Also, apologies that we don't have audio and video, but I was kind of terrified of what trolls would do with video, so... I figured we'd just start with comments this time.
Fully vaccinated and boosted. I have a painful sore throat, a headache, and some coughing. I had a negative PCR test one day (tested due to exposure) and got a positive rapid test two days later (sore throat; scraped throat and nose). My kids are okay so far. My husband and I got our positive tests four days apart, which has made it easier to take turns isolating. Don’t ask me how child care went the day that my husband wasn’t yet allowed to be out of isolation and I got my positive test, though.
I don't know what to tell my kids anymore about when we can do the things they keep asking me to do... we'll do that... eventually? after you get a vaccine? But will things be better then? Who knows!!
YES, THIS. I am grateful the Omicron wave seems to have peaked where we are, and am hopeful that maybe in a few weeks we can do some things we haven't been able to do as a family in quite a while. But for how long? That's the thing that gets me. When will the next variant come?
I think there could be many many new variants... maybe forever. But I also think that they may well trend towards becoming milder and milder, and eventually we won't worry about them so much. I HOPE.
One is cry-screaming because he is 18 months and the other is just scream-screaming because she’s 5 and a wreck from all the disruption of, you know, everything. But why always at the same time?!?
I have always had really sensitive ears so the loud noises over time really gets me. Sometimes I can't tell why I'm getting increasingly grumpy but then I realize it's because oh, my children have been yelling nonstop for two hours.
Same. I hate having two noises at the same time (TV and plastic toy noise at the same time is so grating). Screaming at the same time makes me lose it completely.
I feel like it's SO hard to stay on the same page with a partner throughout all of this. There are so many difficult decisions to make and so many varying ways in which you can disagree. I'm so sorry.
So hard. Everything is magnified and all the small things that I used to be able to breathe through are now making me feel like running for the door. I wonder if others are here too.
Ok, I will share something that a researcher said to me a few weeks ago, which I found reassuring. Now, this is not proven -- it's just a hypothesis among some coronavirus experts, but: Covid-19 may be so devastating to our bodies in part because we've never encountered a coronavirus quite like this one before. Its novelty sends our immune system into overdrive. But the silver lining here is that the longer it circulates, and the more we encounter it (and the more vaccines/boosters we get), the more our bodies will get used to it -- and it will slowly become a more mild virus. (There's also other evolutionary theories that suggest it might get milder, too.) GOD I hope this turns out to be true.
My 3yo stopped sleeping through the night in November and I’ve now started sleeping on the floor of his room every night. If I’m not there he throws a tantrum and wakes up the whole house. I’m exhausted and my back hurts. Aghhhhhhhhhhhh!
It’s just so hard when we are already spending SO MUCH time together but now we’re even together when I’m sleeping. Maybe COVID-times has turned him into even more of a barnacle?
Oh Martha, I am so sorry. Yes, the TIME TOGETHER ALL THE TIME is driving me over the edge for sure. Surrender when you can and when you can't I hope you can find help.
OMG that sounds awful. It could be that your 3yo is picking up on the stress of the pandemic, or some other routine change is affecting his sleep. This might not be an option for you, but I worked with a sleep consultant once with my daughter and found her to be EXCEPTIONALLY helpful.
My brother is getting married in May. They’ve had to postpone the wedding twice. It’s a weekend long event at a resort in Colorado - a rehearsal dinner/campfire, the wedding day and reception, and then a brunch. My youngest (4) is supposed to be the flower girl. A lot of the bride’s relatives are anti-vaxxers or think they’re immune because they’ve already had Covid. And I’m expected to pretend the pandemic is over and let my daughter hang out in close proximity to a bunch of anti-vaxxers all weekend for the sake of familial harmony. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I am just so angry. There is no easy choice. Maybe I can find KN94s in the wedding colors. We already aren’t staying at the resort, because if we did we’d be eating all of our meals at their restaurant. My kids have eaten inside a restaurant once since March 2020.
Oh this is so hard. Maybe in May things will have died down a lot and you will feel safer? If the weather is nice will they be holding some of the events outside?
Oh Jessica! That is hard. I can feel your pain when you share this for sure. I am so sorry that you are here in this situation. What are you going to do?
We’re trying to decide. We’re going, but unless there’s unexpected news about a vaccine for 2-5 year olds, she’ll be wearing a KN94 for a lot of the weekend. We found an Airbnb near the resort to stay at, because then we don’t have to eat all of our meals at the on-site restaurant. I’m hoping a lot of the events will be outside, which would make me feel much more comfortable.
Don’t even know what, specifically, to scream about anymore. Could be anything, the years of uncertainty raising kids who don’t get to know the world “as it was”, if we will finally get Covid or not, another quarantine at my kids school, if the cases and incredibly difficult families will ever die down at my partner’s hospital job, what to make everyone for YET another goddamn dinner, will I get my brain back, why is the govt so far behind on how bad it still is 4 TESTS AINT GONNA PLACATE ME SCREAMZ
One thing that's absolutely driving me bananas right now is testing uncertainty. The more I read about Omicron, the less I feel I can trust negative test results. It feels like you can believe a positive, but if it's negative, you still don't know anything. I mean, yes, eventually, after enough negative tests you can feel fairly certain it's not Covid, but some people are only testing positive after a week of symptoms, and who has enough tests for that????
It feels like we have to assume everything is COVID, but there's still so much non-COVID stuff floating around out there! Missing 10 days of school/work/daycare for every head cold is so unsustainable for working parents.
But also, NOT assuming it's COVID feels like it puts the healthcare system under such unfair strain! When my son got a nasty head cold just as Omicron was starting to take off in our area, the doctor was near tears on the phone begging me to get a PCR, wait for the results, and keep him home until we did. "We're seeing so much COVID." (Getting that freakin' PCR was its own nightmare.)
Testing is a big problem with Omicron - local epidemiologist has a good summary about it. Anecdotally, I was negative with a rapid test the day my husband tested positive, negative on a PCR test 2 days later, and positive on a rapid test scraping out my throat and nose about 50 hours after my PCR test - but my throat was already starting to get sore when I had my PCR test. Thankfully I am working from home and my family was already masking due to my husband testing positive (he was in isolation and not leaving his room at all), but I have absolutely no idea when to start the timer for isolation and when to shift out. A good friend tested positive on a rapid test ten days after his first test. It’s just so hard to figure out what to do with any of the testing information.
My parents, who live in the same town as me, are out of town this weekend, so I have decamped to their house to get some rest and time off from the chaos of kids/home. It's been nice, but it's not enough! I have spent half the time spinning my wheels on work stuff because my brain is broken even though I got a lot more sleep last night. When will my brain un-break? It's starting to feel like there will never be a normal again.
I think this is one of the hardest things about it all - that our brains and bodies are responding to the stress of the pandemic in ways we don't anticipate and can't control. I'm so sorry. I hope your brain feels a bit better after a full weekend away.
I understand. We have not had a sitter for over 2 years and I just want everyone to just go away, on a trip, anywhere! Even if only an hour. I would love to be in my home without anyone. Even tonite, I told everyone, let mama be in her room. My family members have come in 3 times, even my husband! It's like, what do you not get about some alone time?
I would love to be in my own house by myself! My parents' house is a decent substitute with some comforts of home. I had an unexpected magical 45 minutes alone in my house last summer and it was a revelation. (Clearly have not really been able to make it happen since.)
Melinda- do you have a list of good resources to share with people that don't want to vaccinate their children? I have a sister that does not want to vaccinate her 9 year old and she doesn't see how her unvaccinated 9 year old endangers my parents. She has 3 others kids and only 1 is vaccinated.
Last Tuesday or Wednesday my 20-something coworker was making small talk and asked how my long weekend was, and I was like "completely exhausting," and she looked at me like I was crazy for a few seconds before remembering I have 3 young kids at home.
It's so hard. I got so many comments like this in response to my Atlantic piece. Always from (white) men who were like "Why are you being so melodramatic? Calm down. This isn't that hard." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Things I hate right now: The voicemails I get from our school district when I keep my kindergartner home (he's had one nasty head cold that wasn't COVID and one sore throat that wasn't COVID in the past 4 weeks of school). They're so freakin' preachy about the importance of having "my learner" in school and I'm like, I KNOW!! I WANT HIM IN SCHOOL! Do you think I WANT to keep him home for a "weird throat feeling" and a temp of 99.9?? But I'm trying to not be the a-hole family that infects everyone with COVID by sending in a kid with a low-grade fever and a weird throat and then testing positive the next day! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. (I call in the absences to excuse them, our school allegedly reports the excuse to the district, I don't know why I'm still getting this passive-aggressive scolding on my voicemail, aaaaaaaaargh.)
It's just part of a larger picture where I am trying my best, every day, to keep afloat in every area of my life. And I'm trying to be forgiving when others drop balls or aren't their best selves when dealing with me. But it feels like no one has enough emotional resources left to extend that kind of grace to me. Some days my work inbox feels like a Harry Potter Howler of people snarling at me for things that aren't even remotely my fault. (A colleague literally chewed me out this week for something that happened in 2009. I started my job in 2020.)
SO BORING! I tried last week to tell my husband, let's bring more humor into our lives because I am so grumpy lately. We are trying to watch more Saturday Night Live and comedians. :(
I’m angry that so many moms have had to leave the workforce because of this sh*t. Angry at employers who haven’t adjusted expectations. Angry at capitalism and the government for not doing enough and not quick enough. Where are the grownups? The feeling of powerlessness is crippling.
Hi! This is fun! I'm here screaming with all of you. Also I'm so tired that I just wrote "hear" instead of "here" so that about sums it up. Just so tired. Tired of pandemic parenting and decision making and worrying and worrying about worrying. Just all of it. This will all be over soon. Right? RIGHT?!
What I really want is to take a two week vacation and for people to understand I need it to be NOW. Not when it’s convenient for my team. I need something to stop.
I often wonder about you pandemic moms. It is hard but it must be even harder for you because it is a time to meet new moms and babies and this new life is so limiting. :( I am so sorry! Have you been able to meet any new moms?
That’s been the hardest part. I have friends with kids who are a little older or a little younger but I haven’t had a chance to make mom friends with kids the same age. I realized that I hadn’t thought about preschool applications at all this week (they are due now??) and felt like a terrible mom.
You are not a terrible mom as long as you are trying. It is very important to be gentle with yourself at this time. Forgiveness and self love is super important.
Oh, my word. I cannot imagine how hard it's been for you, to become a first-time parent during this mess. It all definitely gets easier as they get older ... and I really hope that as things improve (which I hope they continue to do after this wave), and you have more of a chance to meet other moms and socialize, things will ease considerably. Hang in there!
I've got a 2-year-old and a 6-year-old. I'm sure some of why it feels harder now is having two kids, but I think a HUGE part of it is the pandemic. Toddlerhood felt so much easier with my older kid because I had regular grandparent backup and fewer childcare interruptions and just less stress in every area of my life.
My local school board has gone to hell and it's not going to get any better because people think the schools are good (wealthy county = high test scores) and vote incumbent every election. They are not contact tracing and do not require quarantine regardless of vaccination status. Mask rate is about 20%. We are losing good teachers to the nearby counties with better protocols and all the anti-science nuts are transferring here. I fear for the long-term impact it's going to have on my children's education. I have so many protest posters my kids build forts out of them.
Just curious what you all think about my conundrum~should I resume having weekly breakfast with my mom? There’s no outdoor option. I took a break for January due to Omicron, but she’s 80 years old and I’m feeling very strongly that I’m wasting the time I have to be with her. I’m fully vaxxed and boosted, and are we all going to get Omicron anyway?
Reading all these comments has been fun. I’m a free subscriber but I think I’ll take advantage of the sale.
I think in another two to three weeks it might be a lot safer and you could safely resume? I would keep an eye on your local infection rates. And yay, thank you in advance for subscribing!
So hard to have hope for the future of this world we’re raising our kids in. I want to radiate “Look at this big beautiful world and all that is possible!” Instead of “We are so fucked. No one is power cares. Keep your mask on.” 😔
my mom had a serious stroke last weekend and is in the hospital and I can’t visit and I’m so devastated and heartbroken because she is my favorite person in the world and is alone. And my 5 yo only had school open for 2 days last week and just received a positive PCR test!! All this plus the spring semester where i teach starts tomorrow!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
I am so angry today! I have been discriminated against for my anti-vaccine family!
I 45 female, raised my 3 kids, Grace, Cococa, and Jaminson. They haven't had a vaccine and don't need one. They've never got any diseases. I went to a shop and my kid Grace coughed. I simply just asked if she was good and we moved on. She coughed in her elbow too! Then some big overweight man comes near us. He says, "What you doing in the hood baby" I said, "Sir do not talk to me that way." I grabbed my children and we go to the next aisle. He comes near me and comes up to my kids. He grabs Cococa and picks her by her hair! I grabbed my pepperspray and sprayed him but it got on my kid! Then the security comes. And he tells me, "It's gonna be okay." and he pulls out a SWORD. A literal SWORD. So I take my kids back and we leave. Then there is an anti-vaccine PROTEST. Outside of WALMART. And then all my kids get lost! If you see my kids tell me.
Hi everyone! I literally got my 7yo in bed ONE MINUTE AGO and now I'm definitely ready to scream. So...... I think I'm just going to start by saying AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Also, apologies that we don't have audio and video, but I was kind of terrified of what trolls would do with video, so... I figured we'd just start with comments this time.
Ok I see from all the "likes" that people are lurking.... would anyone like to rant/scream/cry/vent?
Ok I am definitely just screaming into the void now, which is fine.... everything's fine
My youngest kid often goes to bed between 10 and 11 pm, sometimes after 11 during the summer months. I'm thinking of cancelling my Netflix membership.
Ohhhh yeah that's late.
Do they at least sleep in? You could have Netflix & Coffee?
My kids sleep at 3:00 a.m.
I can relate to this. I have one child. When he naps at pre-k, he stays up until at least 10. Upside of virtual school is that he goes to be at 8 🙃
Just curious if this shows your full name? Just wondering if there is an anonymous option.
Well I just see initials? You may be able to change your name somehow... hmm
Got COVID after almost two years of being cautious! ARGHHHHH!!!
ughhhhhh I'm so sorry!!!! Are you sick right now?
YES! Got it from my husband who got it from a masked work meeting. I am in isolation right now and am angry at the world!
You have every right to be angry at the world! LET IT OUT!
Did you have the booster? If yes, how bad were your symptoms? And did your family get after you?
Fully vaccinated and boosted. I have a painful sore throat, a headache, and some coughing. I had a negative PCR test one day (tested due to exposure) and got a positive rapid test two days later (sore throat; scraped throat and nose). My kids are okay so far. My husband and I got our positive tests four days apart, which has made it easier to take turns isolating. Don’t ask me how child care went the day that my husband wasn’t yet allowed to be out of isolation and I got my positive test, though.
I don't know what to tell my kids anymore about when we can do the things they keep asking me to do... we'll do that... eventually? after you get a vaccine? But will things be better then? Who knows!!
YES, THIS. I am grateful the Omicron wave seems to have peaked where we are, and am hopeful that maybe in a few weeks we can do some things we haven't been able to do as a family in quite a while. But for how long? That's the thing that gets me. When will the next variant come?
Melinda, I hear that this is how we are going to be living our lives for several years...is this true? How many years of new variants are expected?
I think there could be many many new variants... maybe forever. But I also think that they may well trend towards becoming milder and milder, and eventually we won't worry about them so much. I HOPE.
I feel like we’re going to be trying to carefully time vacations and get together for the foreseeable future.
I tell them the vaccine prevents worms in their bum.
My children keep screaming at the same time and I am so afraid we are going to be stuck at home quarantining and then screaming more.
Screaming in anger? Or also just like happy screaming? Can I recommend ear plugs?
One is cry-screaming because he is 18 months and the other is just scream-screaming because she’s 5 and a wreck from all the disruption of, you know, everything. But why always at the same time?!?
ALWAYS AT THE SAME TIME.
I have always had really sensitive ears so the loud noises over time really gets me. Sometimes I can't tell why I'm getting increasingly grumpy but then I realize it's because oh, my children have been yelling nonstop for two hours.
Same. I hate having two noises at the same time (TV and plastic toy noise at the same time is so grating). Screaming at the same time makes me lose it completely.
Have you seen sound reducing headphones? They are really helpful!
Noise cancelling headphones have saved my sanity this pandemic.
I am feeling completely overwhelmed and not taking it out on my kids but on my husband. I feel like this pandemic is pushing me towards divorce.
I feel like it's SO hard to stay on the same page with a partner throughout all of this. There are so many difficult decisions to make and so many varying ways in which you can disagree. I'm so sorry.
So hard. Everything is magnified and all the small things that I used to be able to breathe through are now making me feel like running for the door. I wonder if others are here too.
Feels like there are so many more things-important things-to disagree about right now.
I'm quite sure you're not alone in feeling this.
I hope so.
You aren’t alone. I do not love anyone enough to have spent as much time with them as I’ve spent with my husband and kids the last two years.
I am just trying to enjoy small things in this year but terrified about what is coming next?
Ok, I will share something that a researcher said to me a few weeks ago, which I found reassuring. Now, this is not proven -- it's just a hypothesis among some coronavirus experts, but: Covid-19 may be so devastating to our bodies in part because we've never encountered a coronavirus quite like this one before. Its novelty sends our immune system into overdrive. But the silver lining here is that the longer it circulates, and the more we encounter it (and the more vaccines/boosters we get), the more our bodies will get used to it -- and it will slowly become a more mild virus. (There's also other evolutionary theories that suggest it might get milder, too.) GOD I hope this turns out to be true.
PLEASE be true!
My 3yo stopped sleeping through the night in November and I’ve now started sleeping on the floor of his room every night. If I’m not there he throws a tantrum and wakes up the whole house. I’m exhausted and my back hurts. Aghhhhhhhhhhhh!
So hard! Sometimes just deciding which battle to fight is stressful. It will eventually get better but scream while you can!
It’s just so hard when we are already spending SO MUCH time together but now we’re even together when I’m sleeping. Maybe COVID-times has turned him into even more of a barnacle?
Oh Martha, I am so sorry. Yes, the TIME TOGETHER ALL THE TIME is driving me over the edge for sure. Surrender when you can and when you can't I hope you can find help.
OMG that sounds awful. It could be that your 3yo is picking up on the stress of the pandemic, or some other routine change is affecting his sleep. This might not be an option for you, but I worked with a sleep consultant once with my daughter and found her to be EXCEPTIONALLY helpful.
I may ask you for a referral! I’m
at the breaking point with this. I’m sleeping on the floor because he had started sleeping in our bed with us and that was even more of a disaster.
We had a great one! Her site is Mara’s Sleeping Beauties.
Thank you!
Good luck!! That sounds awful :(
Our wonderful sleep consultant, Arielle Greenleaf, is now part of Restfully Sleep: https://www.restfullysleep.com/
Thank you!!!!
Can you put him to sleep on the floor in your room, on a pallet or mattress? If somebody's sleeping on the floor in my house, it's not going to be me!
We did try that but he couldn’t resist climbing in our bed! We may try it again though. Cause this SUUUCKS.
My brother is getting married in May. They’ve had to postpone the wedding twice. It’s a weekend long event at a resort in Colorado - a rehearsal dinner/campfire, the wedding day and reception, and then a brunch. My youngest (4) is supposed to be the flower girl. A lot of the bride’s relatives are anti-vaxxers or think they’re immune because they’ve already had Covid. And I’m expected to pretend the pandemic is over and let my daughter hang out in close proximity to a bunch of anti-vaxxers all weekend for the sake of familial harmony. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
oh nooooooooo
I am just so angry. There is no easy choice. Maybe I can find KN94s in the wedding colors. We already aren’t staying at the resort, because if we did we’d be eating all of our meals at their restaurant. My kids have eaten inside a restaurant once since March 2020.
Oh this is so hard. Maybe in May things will have died down a lot and you will feel safer? If the weather is nice will they be holding some of the events outside?
I’m hoping case rates will be WAY lower then. And as long as it doesn’t rain, the wedding rehearsal and wedding are supposed to be happening outside.
I hope so for you too!
Shop Vida has high efficiency kid masks in a rainbow of colors.
Oh Jessica! That is hard. I can feel your pain when you share this for sure. I am so sorry that you are here in this situation. What are you going to do?
We’re trying to decide. We’re going, but unless there’s unexpected news about a vaccine for 2-5 year olds, she’ll be wearing a KN94 for a lot of the weekend. We found an Airbnb near the resort to stay at, because then we don’t have to eat all of our meals at the on-site restaurant. I’m hoping a lot of the events will be outside, which would make me feel much more comfortable.
SCREAMING
same
Don’t even know what, specifically, to scream about anymore. Could be anything, the years of uncertainty raising kids who don’t get to know the world “as it was”, if we will finally get Covid or not, another quarantine at my kids school, if the cases and incredibly difficult families will ever die down at my partner’s hospital job, what to make everyone for YET another goddamn dinner, will I get my brain back, why is the govt so far behind on how bad it still is 4 TESTS AINT GONNA PLACATE ME SCREAMZ
One thing that's absolutely driving me bananas right now is testing uncertainty. The more I read about Omicron, the less I feel I can trust negative test results. It feels like you can believe a positive, but if it's negative, you still don't know anything. I mean, yes, eventually, after enough negative tests you can feel fairly certain it's not Covid, but some people are only testing positive after a week of symptoms, and who has enough tests for that????
It feels like we have to assume everything is COVID, but there's still so much non-COVID stuff floating around out there! Missing 10 days of school/work/daycare for every head cold is so unsustainable for working parents.
Yes!!!!
But also, NOT assuming it's COVID feels like it puts the healthcare system under such unfair strain! When my son got a nasty head cold just as Omicron was starting to take off in our area, the doctor was near tears on the phone begging me to get a PCR, wait for the results, and keep him home until we did. "We're seeing so much COVID." (Getting that freakin' PCR was its own nightmare.)
Testing is a big problem with Omicron - local epidemiologist has a good summary about it. Anecdotally, I was negative with a rapid test the day my husband tested positive, negative on a PCR test 2 days later, and positive on a rapid test scraping out my throat and nose about 50 hours after my PCR test - but my throat was already starting to get sore when I had my PCR test. Thankfully I am working from home and my family was already masking due to my husband testing positive (he was in isolation and not leaving his room at all), but I have absolutely no idea when to start the timer for isolation and when to shift out. A good friend tested positive on a rapid test ten days after his first test. It’s just so hard to figure out what to do with any of the testing information.
My parents, who live in the same town as me, are out of town this weekend, so I have decamped to their house to get some rest and time off from the chaos of kids/home. It's been nice, but it's not enough! I have spent half the time spinning my wheels on work stuff because my brain is broken even though I got a lot more sleep last night. When will my brain un-break? It's starting to feel like there will never be a normal again.
I think this is one of the hardest things about it all - that our brains and bodies are responding to the stress of the pandemic in ways we don't anticipate and can't control. I'm so sorry. I hope your brain feels a bit better after a full weekend away.
Just saying hello, my brain is also broken.
Me too. I find it so hard to focus on anything.
I understand. We have not had a sitter for over 2 years and I just want everyone to just go away, on a trip, anywhere! Even if only an hour. I would love to be in my home without anyone. Even tonite, I told everyone, let mama be in her room. My family members have come in 3 times, even my husband! It's like, what do you not get about some alone time?
I would love to be in my own house by myself! My parents' house is a decent substitute with some comforts of home. I had an unexpected magical 45 minutes alone in my house last summer and it was a revelation. (Clearly have not really been able to make it happen since.)
Mah brain is also broke
I feel like my brain is day old spaghetti at this point.
Melinda- do you have a list of good resources to share with people that don't want to vaccinate their children? I have a sister that does not want to vaccinate her 9 year old and she doesn't see how her unvaccinated 9 year old endangers my parents. She has 3 others kids and only 1 is vaccinated.
Hang on - let me ping a friend who might be able to help...
OK, here's something that addresses many of the concerns parents have: https://yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/p/pediatric-vaccines-top-8-parental
Great resource! Thank you! Just sent to my sister who is married to a man who is an anti vaxxer.
Shoot, I'm hearing free subscribers can't comment. Is this true? Trying to fix!!!
Yes, true.
I ended up getting the annual I think.
omg I'M SO MAD!!! I have this set up to allow everyone to comment! AHHHHHHHH ANOTHER REASON TO SCREAM
I got the annual too! But yeah, it wasn’t working for me otherwise. But happy to support your work in any case!
Last Tuesday or Wednesday my 20-something coworker was making small talk and asked how my long weekend was, and I was like "completely exhausting," and she looked at me like I was crazy for a few seconds before remembering I have 3 young kids at home.
It's just so hard for people who aren't in it to understand the depth of how exhausting it is
Oh, I feel you! I would probably be like, "what weekend?!"
hahah YES
It's so hard. I got so many comments like this in response to my Atlantic piece. Always from (white) men who were like "Why are you being so melodramatic? Calm down. This isn't that hard." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Hi. And AHHHHHHH $&@!!
Things I hate right now: The voicemails I get from our school district when I keep my kindergartner home (he's had one nasty head cold that wasn't COVID and one sore throat that wasn't COVID in the past 4 weeks of school). They're so freakin' preachy about the importance of having "my learner" in school and I'm like, I KNOW!! I WANT HIM IN SCHOOL! Do you think I WANT to keep him home for a "weird throat feeling" and a temp of 99.9?? But I'm trying to not be the a-hole family that infects everyone with COVID by sending in a kid with a low-grade fever and a weird throat and then testing positive the next day! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. (I call in the absences to excuse them, our school allegedly reports the excuse to the district, I don't know why I'm still getting this passive-aggressive scolding on my voicemail, aaaaaaaaargh.)
It's just part of a larger picture where I am trying my best, every day, to keep afloat in every area of my life. And I'm trying to be forgiving when others drop balls or aren't their best selves when dealing with me. But it feels like no one has enough emotional resources left to extend that kind of grace to me. Some days my work inbox feels like a Harry Potter Howler of people snarling at me for things that aren't even remotely my fault. (A colleague literally chewed me out this week for something that happened in 2009. I started my job in 2020.)
That is all you can do, try your best everyday. Sometimes the best is just not available and then you have to find it in you to surrender.
Finding a way to surrender would probably be better and less HR-worthy than the words I thought at that colleague this week, lol. (Thought, not said.)
I love this, RRH. What wise words.
Ughhhh I'm very mad at your school and your co-workers! AHHHHHHHH! Show some grace, people!
Some things I hate right now:
Hearing my husband judging all my friends that don't do things the way that we do.
Hearing my husband complain about everyone around him or us in front of my kids.
Not being able to have my dear friends in my home to share with me.
Not being able to go do exercise or yoga in a place that is not my home.
Feeling unmotivated because of my new medication.
Fuck this shit. I am angry and seriously want to kick someone's ass! Ok, I said it. That felt good and now I am laughing to myself like a crazy woman!
I miss having fun, seeing people and leaving the house. So very bored
SO BORING! I tried last week to tell my husband, let's bring more humor into our lives because I am so grumpy lately. We are trying to watch more Saturday Night Live and comedians. :(
Comedies are so necessary right now!!!
We just started a show called Derry Girls that's on Netflix and set in Northern Ireland. You might need subtitles but it's hilarious.
So funny! If you’re enjoying Derry Girls, Sex Education on Netflix is also hilarious.
That’s a good idea. We did that at the very beginning of aondemic but that was so long ago I’d forgotten….
:(
I’m angry that so many moms have had to leave the workforce because of this sh*t. Angry at employers who haven’t adjusted expectations. Angry at capitalism and the government for not doing enough and not quick enough. Where are the grownups? The feeling of powerlessness is crippling.
It's so infuriating and unfair and sexist and AHHHHHHHHHHHHRHGH
Hi! This is fun! I'm here screaming with all of you. Also I'm so tired that I just wrote "hear" instead of "here" so that about sums it up. Just so tired. Tired of pandemic parenting and decision making and worrying and worrying about worrying. Just all of it. This will all be over soon. Right? RIGHT?!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
God I hope so. (Also so tired.)
What I really want is to take a two week vacation and for people to understand I need it to be NOW. Not when it’s convenient for my team. I need something to stop.
Any suggestions for super funny shows or movies that I can watch to escape life?
We've just started Derry Girls. On Netflix. You'll want subtitles. Also loved The Great, with Elle Fanning.
I loved The Other Two on HBO Max
My favorite recent escapism watch is Get Back (the Beatles doc) on Disney+
My son is 27 months so most of my experience of motherhood has been in a pandemic. Is it always this hard??
I often wonder about you pandemic moms. It is hard but it must be even harder for you because it is a time to meet new moms and babies and this new life is so limiting. :( I am so sorry! Have you been able to meet any new moms?
That’s been the hardest part. I have friends with kids who are a little older or a little younger but I haven’t had a chance to make mom friends with kids the same age. I realized that I hadn’t thought about preschool applications at all this week (they are due now??) and felt like a terrible mom.
Don’t feel bad! Also a pandemic mom - 16 month old. We’re so tired. So little help. And even allowing someone to help us froguht with a covid risk.
You are not a terrible mom as long as you are trying. It is very important to be gentle with yourself at this time. Forgiveness and self love is super important.
Oh, my word. I cannot imagine how hard it's been for you, to become a first-time parent during this mess. It all definitely gets easier as they get older ... and I really hope that as things improve (which I hope they continue to do after this wave), and you have more of a chance to meet other moms and socialize, things will ease considerably. Hang in there!
I've got a 2-year-old and a 6-year-old. I'm sure some of why it feels harder now is having two kids, but I think a HUGE part of it is the pandemic. Toddlerhood felt so much easier with my older kid because I had regular grandparent backup and fewer childcare interruptions and just less stress in every area of my life.
My local school board has gone to hell and it's not going to get any better because people think the schools are good (wealthy county = high test scores) and vote incumbent every election. They are not contact tracing and do not require quarantine regardless of vaccination status. Mask rate is about 20%. We are losing good teachers to the nearby counties with better protocols and all the anti-science nuts are transferring here. I fear for the long-term impact it's going to have on my children's education. I have so many protest posters my kids build forts out of them.
Oh I'm so sorry. This sounds so hard.
I have to go but thank you for this opportunity. It felt good to vent a little. Thank you for this. Going to watch some funny now.
Thank you for joining!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Just curious what you all think about my conundrum~should I resume having weekly breakfast with my mom? There’s no outdoor option. I took a break for January due to Omicron, but she’s 80 years old and I’m feeling very strongly that I’m wasting the time I have to be with her. I’m fully vaxxed and boosted, and are we all going to get Omicron anyway?
Reading all these comments has been fun. I’m a free subscriber but I think I’ll take advantage of the sale.
I think in another two to three weeks it might be a lot safer and you could safely resume? I would keep an eye on your local infection rates. And yay, thank you in advance for subscribing!
So hard to have hope for the future of this world we’re raising our kids in. I want to radiate “Look at this big beautiful world and all that is possible!” Instead of “We are so fucked. No one is power cares. Keep your mask on.” 😔
SO MUCH SCREAMING!!!!
my mom had a serious stroke last weekend and is in the hospital and I can’t visit and I’m so devastated and heartbroken because she is my favorite person in the world and is alone. And my 5 yo only had school open for 2 days last week and just received a positive PCR test!! All this plus the spring semester where i teach starts tomorrow!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
I seem to be able to comment here :)
I am so angry today! I have been discriminated against for my anti-vaccine family!
I 45 female, raised my 3 kids, Grace, Cococa, and Jaminson. They haven't had a vaccine and don't need one. They've never got any diseases. I went to a shop and my kid Grace coughed. I simply just asked if she was good and we moved on. She coughed in her elbow too! Then some big overweight man comes near us. He says, "What you doing in the hood baby" I said, "Sir do not talk to me that way." I grabbed my children and we go to the next aisle. He comes near me and comes up to my kids. He grabs Cococa and picks her by her hair! I grabbed my pepperspray and sprayed him but it got on my kid! Then the security comes. And he tells me, "It's gonna be okay." and he pulls out a SWORD. A literal SWORD. So I take my kids back and we leave. Then there is an anti-vaccine PROTEST. Outside of WALMART. And then all my kids get lost! If you see my kids tell me.