Thanks for writing this! Water safety is near and dear to my heart. I have so many thoughts! I was a lifeguard and water safety instructor through college and law school, and emphasizing water safety with my kids is one of my Big Things. They are 15 and 12 now. My older son did Infant Survival Swimming — which was intensive every day training as a 1yo that, after almost a month, really did teach him to roll onto his back and kick to a wall. Unfortunately the instructor moved out of state after his first year, so he didn’t get the critical refresher lessons, and my younger son didn’t learn as an infant at all. I do think it helped my older son learn to swim and develop a healthy respect for the water, but I know it’s not realistic for most people.
One set of preschool swim lessons is not going to make a kid water safe in all conditions. And, as you pointed out, there’s a continuum. I made my kids participate on swim team until they were in middle school (Covid made this difficult, and then they closed our community pool for a year’s renovations; I would have liked to have done this longer!). Every year it seemed we’d hear about some high school or college kids who drown in a lake trying to swim across some expanse that proved to be too much, and I tell my kids that’s why they do swim team (and why you always wear a life jacket in lakes). Swim team creates strong swimmers from swimming every day and working on the proper form for different strokes. My kids hated it because the water was so cold early in the season, so I bought them shorty wet suits when they were really little, and they kept going.
My real test for feeling like they were good swimmers was whether they were comfortable swimming in the ocean with big waves, and I decided they were finally there last year (which is great because that was the year swim team became difficult without the usual pool). But! They have to keep up their skills and have a healthy respect for the water, and I will be sure to emphasize this forever. (Big waves in Lake Michigan, eg, are more dangerous than the same big waves in the ocean; the lack of buoyancy in lakes can be a surprise.) That said, the swim team experience I had as a kid/teen made it so triathlon training for the swim is easy for me as an adult — and swimming is by far my best event. So it’s absolutely a skill that sticks around for life, and I hope my kids continue to swim for exercise as they get older! I will encourage both boys to get lifeguard certified, too.
One thing I tell everyone: I never used any kind of floaties on my kid. Not water wings, not the kind that wrap around the chest. I used coastguard approved life vests when on open water of course, but never an artificial floatation device that gave them “autonomy” in the pool. I wanted them to know they couldn’t swim and that they needed to be with me (and working on swim skills!) or another adult in the water. Small children don’t fully understand that they can’t swim without the floats, and they will make a bad decision to jump in the water without them because they aren’t capable of understanding that sometimes that’s ok and sometimes it’s not. I’ve seen it happen.
That false sense of security can happen for other reasons, too! When my younger son was about 3 or 4, he jumped into an unfamiliar pool thinking he’d be able to hold onto the side of the pool. Instead of a ledge though, there was a slick 3’ tile wall, so he panicked and had to be pushed to safety. It didn’t help that it was winter and it had been awhile since he’d been swimming, so his skills weren’t automatic. (We were visiting friends in Miami.). The pool edge was a crutch for my kid, and I didn’t even realize it. This is another example of why we always watch the pool.
My challenge now is when the boys have friends over to swim in our pool. I watch the pool constantly, and I’m sure my older son in particular wishes I wouldn’t, but he understands. We have an automatic pool cover, which does give me peace of mind when we have small children over to the house because I can really secure the pool. But if the cover is open, I’m watching the pool.
Oh do I have questions! I have two 8 year olds and we have done many, many swim classes at the Y over four years but they still can’t swim (even doggy paddle)- I’m not sure why it hasn’t all clicked yet. They don’t love putting their faces/heads in or under water, which doesn’t help. Anyway, I can’t figure out what we should do around pools- should they always be in life jackets for their safety, especially given the issues you’ve raised here? Or will they never learn if they are always in life jackets and they should be allowed to use the shallow end under close watch? Also looking for general parenting advice on swimming lessons- should we keep going until they actually learn? Or is it better to just go to open swim once a week as a family until it clicks?
Hi! I am definitely not an expert on these issues — I just know what the data say on what I covered in my post today. It's a great question about the life jackets. I certainly used them with my kids but I think in some ways they can be similar to swim lessons in that they can give parents a false sense of security. I remember my nephew, when he was about four, quietly taking off his arm floaties one day and jumping into the deep end — thank goodness my sister saw it happen and went in right after him, but things like that can happen fast (and Amy's comment above confirms it's a thing). I also worry that overuse of life jackets could impede skill learning -- I think swimming with your kids in shallow water at least sometimes, and teaching them skills as you do it, is probably really useful. As for your question about why the swim lessons aren't clicking... I am not sure! We experimented with a few different swim schools before we found one that really seemed to work well with our kids -- are there other local options you could try?
My advice as a former instructor/coach: If you are able, get them private or semi-private lessons and tell the instructor exactly what you want them to focus on. This could be someone at the Y or could be a lifeguard at your community pool if you have them. The one-on-one focus can make things click that a group lesson cannot. In your case, say you want them comfortable with their faces in the water, and you want them able to swim 15 yards competently.
Yeah, my kids are stuck after many lessons with our rec center. We did a few private lessons last year and have purchased more this year. I think my older son is close but just needs some one-on-one help.
I've had a similar experience with my almost 5 year old. She had been doing group swim lessons at the Y since she was 2 and still wouldn't put her face in the water, and still couldn't swim (or float) at all. I stay home with her, so we did EVERY session of lessons over those years, AND went to "family swim" at least once a week. We just switched to private lessons (with her favorite swim teacher from group lessons) and within a month she is putting her face in the water and has started swimming short distances on her own. While I know every kid/situation is different, I've heard from other parents that private lessons also helped with their reluctant swimmers. So maybe something to try?
As far as life jackets, we used to never use them in pools because we worried she would never learn to swim. Now we let her wear one during "family swim" as one of us is in the pool directly playing with her--it gives her some autonomy making it more fun. We say that swim lessons are for working on skills (so no floaties), and family swim is for fun (can wear floaties). That being said we only let her wear a life jacket/floaties if one of us is in the pool with her. Otherwise she has to stay in the shallow end with one of us closely watching. I hope this feels helpful!
We’ve had good results with ‘intensive’ (ie, daily - for two weeks) lessons in private or semi private settings (sometimes we’ve signed up for small group and lucked into private because everyone else was on vacation/ doing some other activity).
Thanks for this. It's a good reminder going into the summer not to get overconfident.
My kid will go to two different camps with swimming instruction, one that has it twice a week and one that has it every day. I'm not sure the quality is what I'd really want but he does seem to be learning -- on a recent vacation at a place with pools, he was reasonably confident swimming in water above his head for short stretches. But at the end of the summer we'll be at a family member's house with a pool and we need to remember not to think we can step away for just a minute while he's swimming.
Reading this I feel lucky to be alive. I grew up with a pool. My older siblings and I all took swim lessons. They became strong swimmers. I became “water safe” - I can tread water, dog paddle and do an ugly breaststroke.
We did not have a fence around the pool and my parents let us swim unsupervised all.the.time. At least from when I remember, so I was 5 and my siblings were 10 and 12. We’d just spend hours in the pool and it was fun. This was the late 80s to mid 90s. My parents meant well but were busy people and the pool kept us occupied while they had to work. Similarly, my one other friend who had a pool also didn’t have a fence. Her mom would sort of watch us but she was often napping, reading a book or day drinking while we swam. I feel so fortunate nothing bad ever happened at either house.
Now as a grandma, my mom has a fence around her pool and my niece and nephew only swim with close supervision. We live in NYC and my son is taking swim lessons. Because we swim at public pools, we’re always in the water playing with him. What worries me is when he’s old enough to go to the pool on his own with friends. The comforting part is that the pools are shallow at 3.5’ and there are always two lifeguards on duty. I hope I can teach him swim survival skills in addition to learning strokes.
Just yesterday, there was a drowning incident here. I love along the Mississippi River - which is known for strong undercurrents in the Quad Cities area. There will be drowning incidents all summer long. Yesterday was a heat advisory, and 4 kids were swimming in the river. 3 nearly drowned and were taken to the hospital. The fourth’s body was recovered by dive teams after he disappeared into the water. It’s so sad and heartbreaking.
THANK YOU for writing this. It's so incredibly important especially as we see a rise in drownings post-pandemic. I'm a former lifeguard, swim coach, and swim instructor. My son, who will be 7 at the end of the summer, is a total fish and just made swim team. He's taken swim lessons since he was a baby, both safety-focused and technique-focused. And I watch him like a hawk because you just never, ever know. We are super lucky to live in a community with a huge, well-staffed public pool and where I know a lot of the lifeguards - they've given my son lessons, or coach him on team, or are our neighbors - and know they do some very rigorous training, and they cannot have their phones or even smartwatches on the chair with them. I'm comfortable letting my kid go off the diving boards, for instance, while I sit on the side because guards are on him. The ocean's a whole different ballgame, for both of us.
Anyway, my thoughts are - keep putting your kid in lessons, if you are able, because one set of lessons won't make them a swimmer and you need constant reinforcement. Invest in the safety lessons but know that the technique ones will help them panic less if they do need to swim to safety as well. Emphasize repeatedly that the water is fun but safety is key.
Thank you for this. My sister-in-law (who is a hospital chaplain) counseled a family earlier this week after two cousins drowned in a pool. I’m haunted a bit by my lackadaisical attitude when my son was playing in the very shallow end of the lake some years back. Luckily nothing happened, but I realized later that I was not nearly careful enough.
I hear you. I am forever haunted by the vision of my son quietly sinking under the water. I have never swum so fast in my life... when I came up with him my bathing suit top was down to my waist.
Last summer my husband had to save our 4 yo cousin who fell off the float in deep water- thankfully my husband was a few feet away and worked as a lifeguard for years but his parents were on the opposite side of the pool and wouldn’t have been able to get to him. My niece also fell in a pool at 2 yo and her mom jumped in fully clothed to get her as she sank to the bottom.
Both my kids have been in swim lessons this year but my 5 yo is nowhere near able to swim independently yet, he’s mostly at the comfortable in water level. My 7 yo has been in lessons since he was 4 but still lacks endurance- he does fine if he’s just jumping off the diving board or side of the pool/going down a slide and swimming to the side but even 2 full laps seems to tap him out. My husband did summer swim team at the pool we are members of and always touts it as making him a solid swimmer but 9-10 am practice isn’t much of a childcare plan (his mom was a teacher).
Yes! The childcare element of summer swim team is such a problem. My own mom was a teacher so it was easy for me to get to swim team practice. I was so frustrated making it happen for my own kids. I thought I had it all worked out one year but then my sitter got Covid and the whole summer was kerfuffled. Our local team has evening hours during the offseason at least, and you can go every day, but even that was difficult with a 9-5 job. I begged our daycare to take a group of kids to swim practice one summer, and it was only sort of successful. They didn’t do it again. I wish there were a better solution!
With one of the incidents involving my son, he was in the middle of a large club pool and I was on a chaise - maybe 50-75 feet away from him. It felt SO far away when I saw him under the water and had to start the swim over to him. I really can't believe that he was okay. The second time, I was fully clothed when I had to jump in.
Thank you for writing this. It is so critical for people to be aware of and take seriously. We buckle our kids up in the car like their lives depend on it but when around pools adults tend to get comfortable with taking their eyes off the water and we often get distracted, despite the much higher risk to their lives. I was in the pool playing with the older kids in the deep end this spring when our friend's two-year-old walked in unnoticed, despite there being two adults sitting less than 10 feet away and myself inside the pool. Not sure how long he was under but when we noticed him he was at the bottom of the pool. We had to do CPR to revive him (he was not breathing and was totally blue) and thankfully he is ok. I'm a nurse practitioner and take CPR re-certification classes every two years. Despite that, I felt quite unprepared to manage a drowning situation. It struck me as a huge oversight that CPR classes teach how to treat cardiac arrest and choking in children but there is no mention of how to resuscitate a child (or adult, for that matter) who is a drowning victim.
Some thoughts on the more recent comments since my own:
1. If your older child has had a bunch of lessons that still haven’t quite clicked, there are some things you can try (only if you’re comfortable with helping them if they get into trouble!).
A. Have them push off the wall in streamline position (Google a video) or “Superman” position in the shallow end and see how far they can glide. This can be a friendly competition.
B. Retrieve coins/pool toys from the bottom. Start on the steps and then try progressively deeper.
C. Work on turning somersaults in the water in the shallow end. Blow bubbles out your nose when you do this!
D. For older kids/adults: If you’re at a pool with swim paddles, they can really help give a swimmer a “feel for the water.” Practice just standing or sitting in the water on a step and pushing the water with your paddles in all directions. “Scull” by pushing your hands back-and-forth in a sideways Figure Eight pattern. Swim fins (flippers) work similarly and can really help them figure out how to kick. (Only wear them in the water though; kids want to walk in them and it’s a disaster.) Also it’s super sad when you take them off and you don’t swim as easily! So just be ready for that. :)
2. Private lessons can be really helpful and there’s usually a lifeguard/high school swimmer who offers them for reasonable rates!
3. It can take a bit for the lessons to click. Lots of time in the water and water play in shallow spaces help a lot! When my kids wanted to ride a particular slide that they could only ride after passing a swim test, it was unbelievably motivating.
My 7 yo is loving diving toys and turning somersaults this summer! Love these tips! His camp with the 2 full lap swim test is next week and I’m interested to see how it goes.
That could be so motivating! Sometimes it is something like that that gives a kid the focus to achieve that flow state to get all their limbs moving the right way. I think watching the other kids do it helps, too. Then it sticks and they just get better and better. I’ll be cheering for him!
I agree with all the appreciation for covering this topic. When I was in grad school I summer nannied for a woman who taught at NYU Law (so to my 24 yo self, she knew EVERYTHING). She had a summer pool party every year. She hired lifeguards for the party. She told me, “the parents are having a drink. They are there, but they’re not there.” She was right - it’s always stuck with me and is true to my experience.
I also think parents can sometimes have a false sense of security at pools with lifeguards. I’m glad to see guards, but they can’t watch every developing swimmer in the way they need to be watched to be safe.
My kid had a close call a couple of summers ago - getting tired at the end of a long, fun day. I saw it happen and grabbed him. There are so many things current parents are told to pull back on, let our kids experience failure/natural consequences, etc. This is a realm where I continue to carry my hawkish mantle.
This piece isn’t leaving me alone tonight, so the story it brought to mind after I stopped thinking through the lessons for my own parenting: when I was a kid I was on the local Y swim team and I knew a kid a couple years younger than me named T. A few years later we ended up in the same lane for practices on our high school team. Between sets he would hang out underwater, and he could stay down there quite a while.
One day the summer I graduated high school, I heard from a neighbor that her daughter had been at Y swim team and a kid had died. It was T. As far as I understand it, everyone just figured he was doing his thing hanging out underwater between sets, until it was too late. I don’t know if something happened to him to make him unable to come back up or if he pushed a little too far or what. But he’d been on swim team for years and he died in a pool full of other swimmers, with coaches standing on the deck. He was a sweet kid.
My son almost drowned in a hotel hot tub when he was two. I was alone with the kids and had literally just turned my back to rummage around in my bag for pool toys, goggles and sunscreen when I heard one of my four year-old twins say, in an eerily calm voice, "Mommy, [ ] is in the pool." He WAS in the pool -- floating face down. I dove in, fully clothed, to rescue him and luckily he was fine. To this day, I am so grateful that one of his brothers said something -- had he not, my youngest might have drowned. Just goes to show that it CAN happen right under your nose!
"In another study, researchers asked parents to judge how well their kids had mastered various swim skills in their lessons and found that parents overestimated one in every five skills. (This overestimation of swimming competence tends to be especially bad among fathers.)" This is definitely me! If I send my kids to swim lessons for a reasonable period of time, then I expect they learn to swim. If not, don't call them swim lessons! Call them water familiarization lessons or drown proofing lessons. However, we learned early in our parenting of 10 kids, that watching your kids around water is your responsibility and cannot really be delegated. We've had those scary moments too. It is only by God's grace my wife and I's children are still alive.
Thanks for writing this! Water safety is near and dear to my heart. I have so many thoughts! I was a lifeguard and water safety instructor through college and law school, and emphasizing water safety with my kids is one of my Big Things. They are 15 and 12 now. My older son did Infant Survival Swimming — which was intensive every day training as a 1yo that, after almost a month, really did teach him to roll onto his back and kick to a wall. Unfortunately the instructor moved out of state after his first year, so he didn’t get the critical refresher lessons, and my younger son didn’t learn as an infant at all. I do think it helped my older son learn to swim and develop a healthy respect for the water, but I know it’s not realistic for most people.
One set of preschool swim lessons is not going to make a kid water safe in all conditions. And, as you pointed out, there’s a continuum. I made my kids participate on swim team until they were in middle school (Covid made this difficult, and then they closed our community pool for a year’s renovations; I would have liked to have done this longer!). Every year it seemed we’d hear about some high school or college kids who drown in a lake trying to swim across some expanse that proved to be too much, and I tell my kids that’s why they do swim team (and why you always wear a life jacket in lakes). Swim team creates strong swimmers from swimming every day and working on the proper form for different strokes. My kids hated it because the water was so cold early in the season, so I bought them shorty wet suits when they were really little, and they kept going.
My real test for feeling like they were good swimmers was whether they were comfortable swimming in the ocean with big waves, and I decided they were finally there last year (which is great because that was the year swim team became difficult without the usual pool). But! They have to keep up their skills and have a healthy respect for the water, and I will be sure to emphasize this forever. (Big waves in Lake Michigan, eg, are more dangerous than the same big waves in the ocean; the lack of buoyancy in lakes can be a surprise.) That said, the swim team experience I had as a kid/teen made it so triathlon training for the swim is easy for me as an adult — and swimming is by far my best event. So it’s absolutely a skill that sticks around for life, and I hope my kids continue to swim for exercise as they get older! I will encourage both boys to get lifeguard certified, too.
One thing I tell everyone: I never used any kind of floaties on my kid. Not water wings, not the kind that wrap around the chest. I used coastguard approved life vests when on open water of course, but never an artificial floatation device that gave them “autonomy” in the pool. I wanted them to know they couldn’t swim and that they needed to be with me (and working on swim skills!) or another adult in the water. Small children don’t fully understand that they can’t swim without the floats, and they will make a bad decision to jump in the water without them because they aren’t capable of understanding that sometimes that’s ok and sometimes it’s not. I’ve seen it happen.
That false sense of security can happen for other reasons, too! When my younger son was about 3 or 4, he jumped into an unfamiliar pool thinking he’d be able to hold onto the side of the pool. Instead of a ledge though, there was a slick 3’ tile wall, so he panicked and had to be pushed to safety. It didn’t help that it was winter and it had been awhile since he’d been swimming, so his skills weren’t automatic. (We were visiting friends in Miami.). The pool edge was a crutch for my kid, and I didn’t even realize it. This is another example of why we always watch the pool.
My challenge now is when the boys have friends over to swim in our pool. I watch the pool constantly, and I’m sure my older son in particular wishes I wouldn’t, but he understands. We have an automatic pool cover, which does give me peace of mind when we have small children over to the house because I can really secure the pool. But if the cover is open, I’m watching the pool.
Thanks again for posting this!
This is SO helpful, thank you!!!!!
Oh do I have questions! I have two 8 year olds and we have done many, many swim classes at the Y over four years but they still can’t swim (even doggy paddle)- I’m not sure why it hasn’t all clicked yet. They don’t love putting their faces/heads in or under water, which doesn’t help. Anyway, I can’t figure out what we should do around pools- should they always be in life jackets for their safety, especially given the issues you’ve raised here? Or will they never learn if they are always in life jackets and they should be allowed to use the shallow end under close watch? Also looking for general parenting advice on swimming lessons- should we keep going until they actually learn? Or is it better to just go to open swim once a week as a family until it clicks?
Hi! I am definitely not an expert on these issues — I just know what the data say on what I covered in my post today. It's a great question about the life jackets. I certainly used them with my kids but I think in some ways they can be similar to swim lessons in that they can give parents a false sense of security. I remember my nephew, when he was about four, quietly taking off his arm floaties one day and jumping into the deep end — thank goodness my sister saw it happen and went in right after him, but things like that can happen fast (and Amy's comment above confirms it's a thing). I also worry that overuse of life jackets could impede skill learning -- I think swimming with your kids in shallow water at least sometimes, and teaching them skills as you do it, is probably really useful. As for your question about why the swim lessons aren't clicking... I am not sure! We experimented with a few different swim schools before we found one that really seemed to work well with our kids -- are there other local options you could try?
Thanks! Yes maybe I’ll put the money that would have gone into a few more sessions of group lessons for a round of private lessons!
My advice as a former instructor/coach: If you are able, get them private or semi-private lessons and tell the instructor exactly what you want them to focus on. This could be someone at the Y or could be a lifeguard at your community pool if you have them. The one-on-one focus can make things click that a group lesson cannot. In your case, say you want them comfortable with their faces in the water, and you want them able to swim 15 yards competently.
This is great advice. In the end we got our kids private lessons, too, and they made WAY more headway that way. But of course, they can be expensive!
Yeah, my kids are stuck after many lessons with our rec center. We did a few private lessons last year and have purchased more this year. I think my older son is close but just needs some one-on-one help.
So frustrating when progress is slower for some kids! It’s hard for me not to compare.
I've had a similar experience with my almost 5 year old. She had been doing group swim lessons at the Y since she was 2 and still wouldn't put her face in the water, and still couldn't swim (or float) at all. I stay home with her, so we did EVERY session of lessons over those years, AND went to "family swim" at least once a week. We just switched to private lessons (with her favorite swim teacher from group lessons) and within a month she is putting her face in the water and has started swimming short distances on her own. While I know every kid/situation is different, I've heard from other parents that private lessons also helped with their reluctant swimmers. So maybe something to try?
As far as life jackets, we used to never use them in pools because we worried she would never learn to swim. Now we let her wear one during "family swim" as one of us is in the pool directly playing with her--it gives her some autonomy making it more fun. We say that swim lessons are for working on skills (so no floaties), and family swim is for fun (can wear floaties). That being said we only let her wear a life jacket/floaties if one of us is in the pool with her. Otherwise she has to stay in the shallow end with one of us closely watching. I hope this feels helpful!
That is helpful, thanks!
We’ve had good results with ‘intensive’ (ie, daily - for two weeks) lessons in private or semi private settings (sometimes we’ve signed up for small group and lucked into private because everyone else was on vacation/ doing some other activity).
Yes, the camp my kid goes to that has daily swimming has made the biggest difference, even though I don’t think the instruction is stellar.
Thanks for this. It's a good reminder going into the summer not to get overconfident.
My kid will go to two different camps with swimming instruction, one that has it twice a week and one that has it every day. I'm not sure the quality is what I'd really want but he does seem to be learning -- on a recent vacation at a place with pools, he was reasonably confident swimming in water above his head for short stretches. But at the end of the summer we'll be at a family member's house with a pool and we need to remember not to think we can step away for just a minute while he's swimming.
Reading this I feel lucky to be alive. I grew up with a pool. My older siblings and I all took swim lessons. They became strong swimmers. I became “water safe” - I can tread water, dog paddle and do an ugly breaststroke.
We did not have a fence around the pool and my parents let us swim unsupervised all.the.time. At least from when I remember, so I was 5 and my siblings were 10 and 12. We’d just spend hours in the pool and it was fun. This was the late 80s to mid 90s. My parents meant well but were busy people and the pool kept us occupied while they had to work. Similarly, my one other friend who had a pool also didn’t have a fence. Her mom would sort of watch us but she was often napping, reading a book or day drinking while we swam. I feel so fortunate nothing bad ever happened at either house.
Now as a grandma, my mom has a fence around her pool and my niece and nephew only swim with close supervision. We live in NYC and my son is taking swim lessons. Because we swim at public pools, we’re always in the water playing with him. What worries me is when he’s old enough to go to the pool on his own with friends. The comforting part is that the pools are shallow at 3.5’ and there are always two lifeguards on duty. I hope I can teach him swim survival skills in addition to learning strokes.
I also grew up swimming in pools mostly unsupervised and keep thinking about how fortunate I was that nothing happened!
Just yesterday, there was a drowning incident here. I love along the Mississippi River - which is known for strong undercurrents in the Quad Cities area. There will be drowning incidents all summer long. Yesterday was a heat advisory, and 4 kids were swimming in the river. 3 nearly drowned and were taken to the hospital. The fourth’s body was recovered by dive teams after he disappeared into the water. It’s so sad and heartbreaking.
Ohhhh that is so heartbreaking.
THANK YOU for writing this. It's so incredibly important especially as we see a rise in drownings post-pandemic. I'm a former lifeguard, swim coach, and swim instructor. My son, who will be 7 at the end of the summer, is a total fish and just made swim team. He's taken swim lessons since he was a baby, both safety-focused and technique-focused. And I watch him like a hawk because you just never, ever know. We are super lucky to live in a community with a huge, well-staffed public pool and where I know a lot of the lifeguards - they've given my son lessons, or coach him on team, or are our neighbors - and know they do some very rigorous training, and they cannot have their phones or even smartwatches on the chair with them. I'm comfortable letting my kid go off the diving boards, for instance, while I sit on the side because guards are on him. The ocean's a whole different ballgame, for both of us.
Anyway, my thoughts are - keep putting your kid in lessons, if you are able, because one set of lessons won't make them a swimmer and you need constant reinforcement. Invest in the safety lessons but know that the technique ones will help them panic less if they do need to swim to safety as well. Emphasize repeatedly that the water is fun but safety is key.
Thank you for this. My sister-in-law (who is a hospital chaplain) counseled a family earlier this week after two cousins drowned in a pool. I’m haunted a bit by my lackadaisical attitude when my son was playing in the very shallow end of the lake some years back. Luckily nothing happened, but I realized later that I was not nearly careful enough.
I hear you. I am forever haunted by the vision of my son quietly sinking under the water. I have never swum so fast in my life... when I came up with him my bathing suit top was down to my waist.
Last summer my husband had to save our 4 yo cousin who fell off the float in deep water- thankfully my husband was a few feet away and worked as a lifeguard for years but his parents were on the opposite side of the pool and wouldn’t have been able to get to him. My niece also fell in a pool at 2 yo and her mom jumped in fully clothed to get her as she sank to the bottom.
Both my kids have been in swim lessons this year but my 5 yo is nowhere near able to swim independently yet, he’s mostly at the comfortable in water level. My 7 yo has been in lessons since he was 4 but still lacks endurance- he does fine if he’s just jumping off the diving board or side of the pool/going down a slide and swimming to the side but even 2 full laps seems to tap him out. My husband did summer swim team at the pool we are members of and always touts it as making him a solid swimmer but 9-10 am practice isn’t much of a childcare plan (his mom was a teacher).
Yes! The childcare element of summer swim team is such a problem. My own mom was a teacher so it was easy for me to get to swim team practice. I was so frustrated making it happen for my own kids. I thought I had it all worked out one year but then my sitter got Covid and the whole summer was kerfuffled. Our local team has evening hours during the offseason at least, and you can go every day, but even that was difficult with a 9-5 job. I begged our daycare to take a group of kids to swim practice one summer, and it was only sort of successful. They didn’t do it again. I wish there were a better solution!
With one of the incidents involving my son, he was in the middle of a large club pool and I was on a chaise - maybe 50-75 feet away from him. It felt SO far away when I saw him under the water and had to start the swim over to him. I really can't believe that he was okay. The second time, I was fully clothed when I had to jump in.
Thank you for writing this. It is so critical for people to be aware of and take seriously. We buckle our kids up in the car like their lives depend on it but when around pools adults tend to get comfortable with taking their eyes off the water and we often get distracted, despite the much higher risk to their lives. I was in the pool playing with the older kids in the deep end this spring when our friend's two-year-old walked in unnoticed, despite there being two adults sitting less than 10 feet away and myself inside the pool. Not sure how long he was under but when we noticed him he was at the bottom of the pool. We had to do CPR to revive him (he was not breathing and was totally blue) and thankfully he is ok. I'm a nurse practitioner and take CPR re-certification classes every two years. Despite that, I felt quite unprepared to manage a drowning situation. It struck me as a huge oversight that CPR classes teach how to treat cardiac arrest and choking in children but there is no mention of how to resuscitate a child (or adult, for that matter) who is a drowning victim.
Some thoughts on the more recent comments since my own:
1. If your older child has had a bunch of lessons that still haven’t quite clicked, there are some things you can try (only if you’re comfortable with helping them if they get into trouble!).
A. Have them push off the wall in streamline position (Google a video) or “Superman” position in the shallow end and see how far they can glide. This can be a friendly competition.
B. Retrieve coins/pool toys from the bottom. Start on the steps and then try progressively deeper.
C. Work on turning somersaults in the water in the shallow end. Blow bubbles out your nose when you do this!
D. For older kids/adults: If you’re at a pool with swim paddles, they can really help give a swimmer a “feel for the water.” Practice just standing or sitting in the water on a step and pushing the water with your paddles in all directions. “Scull” by pushing your hands back-and-forth in a sideways Figure Eight pattern. Swim fins (flippers) work similarly and can really help them figure out how to kick. (Only wear them in the water though; kids want to walk in them and it’s a disaster.) Also it’s super sad when you take them off and you don’t swim as easily! So just be ready for that. :)
2. Private lessons can be really helpful and there’s usually a lifeguard/high school swimmer who offers them for reasonable rates!
3. It can take a bit for the lessons to click. Lots of time in the water and water play in shallow spaces help a lot! When my kids wanted to ride a particular slide that they could only ride after passing a swim test, it was unbelievably motivating.
Thank you!!!
My 7 yo is loving diving toys and turning somersaults this summer! Love these tips! His camp with the 2 full lap swim test is next week and I’m interested to see how it goes.
That could be so motivating! Sometimes it is something like that that gives a kid the focus to achieve that flow state to get all their limbs moving the right way. I think watching the other kids do it helps, too. Then it sticks and they just get better and better. I’ll be cheering for him!
My kid passed his swim test today! He was very excited.
Yay!!!!
Hooray!! I was hoping you’d update us! Congrats to all of you. :)
Really appreciate this article. Gives voice to the unacknowledged things we know when it comes to water safety. Pertinent. Thank you.
I agree with all the appreciation for covering this topic. When I was in grad school I summer nannied for a woman who taught at NYU Law (so to my 24 yo self, she knew EVERYTHING). She had a summer pool party every year. She hired lifeguards for the party. She told me, “the parents are having a drink. They are there, but they’re not there.” She was right - it’s always stuck with me and is true to my experience.
I also think parents can sometimes have a false sense of security at pools with lifeguards. I’m glad to see guards, but they can’t watch every developing swimmer in the way they need to be watched to be safe.
My kid had a close call a couple of summers ago - getting tired at the end of a long, fun day. I saw it happen and grabbed him. There are so many things current parents are told to pull back on, let our kids experience failure/natural consequences, etc. This is a realm where I continue to carry my hawkish mantle.
This piece isn’t leaving me alone tonight, so the story it brought to mind after I stopped thinking through the lessons for my own parenting: when I was a kid I was on the local Y swim team and I knew a kid a couple years younger than me named T. A few years later we ended up in the same lane for practices on our high school team. Between sets he would hang out underwater, and he could stay down there quite a while.
One day the summer I graduated high school, I heard from a neighbor that her daughter had been at Y swim team and a kid had died. It was T. As far as I understand it, everyone just figured he was doing his thing hanging out underwater between sets, until it was too late. I don’t know if something happened to him to make him unable to come back up or if he pushed a little too far or what. But he’d been on swim team for years and he died in a pool full of other swimmers, with coaches standing on the deck. He was a sweet kid.
Oh god that is so sad.
My son almost drowned in a hotel hot tub when he was two. I was alone with the kids and had literally just turned my back to rummage around in my bag for pool toys, goggles and sunscreen when I heard one of my four year-old twins say, in an eerily calm voice, "Mommy, [ ] is in the pool." He WAS in the pool -- floating face down. I dove in, fully clothed, to rescue him and luckily he was fine. To this day, I am so grateful that one of his brothers said something -- had he not, my youngest might have drowned. Just goes to show that it CAN happen right under your nose!
"In another study, researchers asked parents to judge how well their kids had mastered various swim skills in their lessons and found that parents overestimated one in every five skills. (This overestimation of swimming competence tends to be especially bad among fathers.)" This is definitely me! If I send my kids to swim lessons for a reasonable period of time, then I expect they learn to swim. If not, don't call them swim lessons! Call them water familiarization lessons or drown proofing lessons. However, we learned early in our parenting of 10 kids, that watching your kids around water is your responsibility and cannot really be delegated. We've had those scary moments too. It is only by God's grace my wife and I's children are still alive.