I’m pretty protective of my morning tea. It’s also usually when my toddler is the neediest but *most* of the time I’m undeterred. I need a moment to peacefully enjoy my (warmish) tea without a barrage of demands.
Also, each parent gets a solo 3-4 day trip a year. I’m planning mine now. Welcoming any and all ideas from the US northeast.
Please report back how the sleepaway camp goes! I always wanted to go as a kid and my hope is to be able to send my daughter when she’s older. Would love to hear how your kids enjoyed (or didn’t) it!
They have both been to sleepaway camp before and loved it. But this time my daughter is a way for 4 weeks, which feels like a LOT! The camp has been posting photos and it looks like she is having fun though!
My daughter’s family, i.e. my grandchildren, are sick with Covid so no swimming, no burgers and dogs today. No neighborhood parade. I am alone and lonely. So I am going to play pickleball with some other old people. 😕
I travel for work 2-3 times a year, and those work trips feel like vacations, even though I’m working long hours. I’m responsible for wiping no one’s butt but my own, feeding only myself, getting only me to bed on time… I usually have time for a long, uninterrupted workout every morning, which feels like a huge luxury. I’ve been finding ways to recreate some of that independence at home - I’ve started using tv first thing in the morning to give myself uninterrupted workout time. As my kids get a bit older (they’re 4 and almost 6) they need less from me but also can kinda help out - bringing their dishes into the kitchen after meals, getting themselves dressed, etc. I can see hints of their and my own independence coming, and it’s nice.
Yesterday my husband and I both took the day off to go for a long and strenuous hike together. It's the second or third time we have done this and it is so nice to be able to spend time doing something fun and challenging together for several hours! We are trying to spend 3 to 4 days a year this way (on PTO while the kids are in school/camp)
Sarah McLachlan played a concert (including play thru of fumbling towards ecstasy, an album i listened to alone driving to or from college a lot and consider a seminal album for me) on my birthday a few hours fr my house this year. I went to the concert alone and at the urging of my husband made a weekend of it—drove to location the night before and spent 2 nights in a hotel. As a result I was ALONE on my birthday and it was glorious. I went for a long run in the rain, took myself out to tapas for lunch, got a good lawn seat for the concert, read my book while I waited for it to begin and enjoyed the concert. We celebrated my birthday with a homemade cake the day I got back after my birthday.
Part of me wishes the concert hadn’t been on my actual birthday but part of me loves that it was.
This sounds amazing. I'm in a new phase of my life in which I'm celebrating doing things alone and trying to feel more OK doing them. (I feel like there's still a stigma against it but there shouldn't be!) The one thing I find annoying is that restaurant service is SO MUCH WORSE when I'm by myself. I have no idea why but it drives me bonkers!
AMAZING! I've been reading all the press on her and her tour, and she is just such a lovely person. Relatedly, I am *finally* getting to see Jewel on her tour with Melissa Etheridge this year, and I AM SO EXCITED! Meeting a friend (and mom of similarly-aged kids) to make a weekend of it. Woohoo!
I’m finding that with my kids aged 13 and 9 now, the water park is more relaxing. After lunch, the 13yo opted to sit in a lounge chair and digest his lunch rather than immediately hopping onto another water slide. And when both kids wanted to go on the Half Pipe, I luxuriated in the free time I had to lounge in the wave pool while they stood in line for the ride. And the 9yo is no longer wearing a floatie in the wave pool, he’s become a good enough swimmer. So there’s freedom in that.
I had my mom babysit my toddler while I went shopping for craft supplies at Michael’s. I was able to take my sweet time, spending almost 20 minutes selecting the perfect papers & clays for my upcoming projects. No chasing anyone down aisles, or repeatedly saying “no we are not getting that today!”. Looking forward to using said craft supplies next time I have some free time to myself :)
One month from today our 17-going-on-14-year-old leaves for a school year abroad in Denmark. The school year just ended has been hell on wheels for all of us. It’s hard to say who is looking forward to the year most: me, my husband, our son.
I have recently implemented a standing Thursday night babysitter. Some nights we'll have a Thing To Do (play, concert, whatever), and some nights we'll take a yoga class at the Y and sit in the sauna afterwards. And I've also implemented Friday night Dinner with Friends at our house. I feel like my old self again. As a mostly stay-at-home-parent (small remote paying job, many mostly-remote volunteering things) who is also an extreme extrovert, I get lonely and weird all by myself. Sure, it's a fair amount of planning / prepping, but it's SO WORTH IT. And I don't clean the house for guests. There is just dog hair in the corners, and they can just deal. Nobody complains. At least not to my face. Anyway, it's glorious, and it's a kind of freedom - freedom from the anxiety of upending routines (the kids are 3 and 6). Turns out, we can all handle it. My therapist has been trying to get me to do this for, like, oh, I don't know, 3 years? Glad I'm finally listening.
Even though my kids 3 and 1 are in day care it's still super hard to find time for everything I need! Between work and also taking care of our big dogs, cooking for our family (all of the mental load in that!) and most home tasks I am trying to figure out where to work out etc but it's unclear!! I have started spending a little time on Mondays making a giant salad that will keep in the fridge for my lunches. It's kind of random but really nice not worrying about meeting my family's preferences and then having something healthy taken care of for the week, even if I spend a little too much time chopping herbs for a weekday.
This is a small thing, but this trip I gave myself freedom from double-checking the calculations we do in order to get to the airport on time. One leg of our annual trip is from Atlanta--we have almost two hours of driving if there is no traffic, then figuring out how long it will take to turn in the rental car, deal with security, get to our gate, we always need a meal, etc. I just didn't do any of that this year. Whatever my spouse said was it and I went with it. It was great!
This past year, I've realized that I'm doing too much when it comes to prepping for trips and consciously cutting back/giving responsibility to everyone else. Not thinking about every little detail is very freeing. Of course, when my kids were little and I was flying with them solo, that level of prep wasn't optional! Finding out when we've crossed over from necessary mental load/responsibility to optional is a lot of parenting older kids for me.
All the stars aligned for a last minute, long weekend trip to my hometown. You know you are deep in Momland when a 6 hr drive is framed as "so much time to MYSELF!"
My kids are 10 and 7 and I've been really noticing lately that the load feels a lot lighter to me these days. My kids don't need so much from me physically anymore, and I've been working for years on scaffolding them to independence with some chores around the house. Now they know that when a basket of towels or kitchen linens (or their own laundry) appears upstairs that they must work together to fold it all and put it away, my older daughter often unloads the dishwasher, etc. This kind of stuff is a huge relief! We also have been conditioning them for years to be comfortable with sitters and care from other familiar adults, so my wife and I tend to get out for dates or events ~ every couple weeks, and usually we each have a solo social thing 1x a week. I feel it is very important to model for the kids that we take time for our relationship and our social lives and I think they accept it easily now. I'm so grateful we've found a good roster of sitters they love and who are reliable, and also have the privilege of family support from time to time. My wife and I just got back from 2 nights in Seattle to see a WNBA game and then Missy Elliott's tour this past weekend while the kids stayed with my mom (we live in Portland). We ALL had so much fun and I feel really restored after getting a good bolus of grown-up time with my wife and the kids were thoroughly spoiled by grandma.
I’m pretty protective of my morning tea. It’s also usually when my toddler is the neediest but *most* of the time I’m undeterred. I need a moment to peacefully enjoy my (warmish) tea without a barrage of demands.
Also, each parent gets a solo 3-4 day trip a year. I’m planning mine now. Welcoming any and all ideas from the US northeast.
Please report back how the sleepaway camp goes! I always wanted to go as a kid and my hope is to be able to send my daughter when she’s older. Would love to hear how your kids enjoyed (or didn’t) it!
They have both been to sleepaway camp before and loved it. But this time my daughter is a way for 4 weeks, which feels like a LOT! The camp has been posting photos and it looks like she is having fun though!
My daughter’s family, i.e. my grandchildren, are sick with Covid so no swimming, no burgers and dogs today. No neighborhood parade. I am alone and lonely. So I am going to play pickleball with some other old people. 😕
I’m so sorry your day got derailed. Enjoy the pickleball. Hopefully you’ll discover something delightful in your unexpected free day.
Oh Susan I'm so sorry! What Annette said -- hope you can find something that brings you joy today!
I travel for work 2-3 times a year, and those work trips feel like vacations, even though I’m working long hours. I’m responsible for wiping no one’s butt but my own, feeding only myself, getting only me to bed on time… I usually have time for a long, uninterrupted workout every morning, which feels like a huge luxury. I’ve been finding ways to recreate some of that independence at home - I’ve started using tv first thing in the morning to give myself uninterrupted workout time. As my kids get a bit older (they’re 4 and almost 6) they need less from me but also can kinda help out - bringing their dishes into the kitchen after meals, getting themselves dressed, etc. I can see hints of their and my own independence coming, and it’s nice.
yay! I love solo work trips for these reasons, too.
Yesterday my husband and I both took the day off to go for a long and strenuous hike together. It's the second or third time we have done this and it is so nice to be able to spend time doing something fun and challenging together for several hours! We are trying to spend 3 to 4 days a year this way (on PTO while the kids are in school/camp)
Such a great idea!
We also try to do this. We have some time booked at the end of the month to go biking while our daughter is in daycare!
Sarah McLachlan played a concert (including play thru of fumbling towards ecstasy, an album i listened to alone driving to or from college a lot and consider a seminal album for me) on my birthday a few hours fr my house this year. I went to the concert alone and at the urging of my husband made a weekend of it—drove to location the night before and spent 2 nights in a hotel. As a result I was ALONE on my birthday and it was glorious. I went for a long run in the rain, took myself out to tapas for lunch, got a good lawn seat for the concert, read my book while I waited for it to begin and enjoyed the concert. We celebrated my birthday with a homemade cake the day I got back after my birthday.
Part of me wishes the concert hadn’t been on my actual birthday but part of me loves that it was.
This sounds amazing. I'm in a new phase of my life in which I'm celebrating doing things alone and trying to feel more OK doing them. (I feel like there's still a stigma against it but there shouldn't be!) The one thing I find annoying is that restaurant service is SO MUCH WORSE when I'm by myself. I have no idea why but it drives me bonkers!
AMAZING! I've been reading all the press on her and her tour, and she is just such a lovely person. Relatedly, I am *finally* getting to see Jewel on her tour with Melissa Etheridge this year, and I AM SO EXCITED! Meeting a friend (and mom of similarly-aged kids) to make a weekend of it. Woohoo!
I’m finding that with my kids aged 13 and 9 now, the water park is more relaxing. After lunch, the 13yo opted to sit in a lounge chair and digest his lunch rather than immediately hopping onto another water slide. And when both kids wanted to go on the Half Pipe, I luxuriated in the free time I had to lounge in the wave pool while they stood in line for the ride. And the 9yo is no longer wearing a floatie in the wave pool, he’s become a good enough swimmer. So there’s freedom in that.
YES! The water park is so much easier now!
I had my mom babysit my toddler while I went shopping for craft supplies at Michael’s. I was able to take my sweet time, spending almost 20 minutes selecting the perfect papers & clays for my upcoming projects. No chasing anyone down aisles, or repeatedly saying “no we are not getting that today!”. Looking forward to using said craft supplies next time I have some free time to myself :)
that sounds lovely!
One month from today our 17-going-on-14-year-old leaves for a school year abroad in Denmark. The school year just ended has been hell on wheels for all of us. It’s hard to say who is looking forward to the year most: me, my husband, our son.
Oh my gosh, wow! That must be a lot to process. I hope he has a blast. I was born in Copenhagen!
I have recently implemented a standing Thursday night babysitter. Some nights we'll have a Thing To Do (play, concert, whatever), and some nights we'll take a yoga class at the Y and sit in the sauna afterwards. And I've also implemented Friday night Dinner with Friends at our house. I feel like my old self again. As a mostly stay-at-home-parent (small remote paying job, many mostly-remote volunteering things) who is also an extreme extrovert, I get lonely and weird all by myself. Sure, it's a fair amount of planning / prepping, but it's SO WORTH IT. And I don't clean the house for guests. There is just dog hair in the corners, and they can just deal. Nobody complains. At least not to my face. Anyway, it's glorious, and it's a kind of freedom - freedom from the anxiety of upending routines (the kids are 3 and 6). Turns out, we can all handle it. My therapist has been trying to get me to do this for, like, oh, I don't know, 3 years? Glad I'm finally listening.
I love this so much for you Kristen! Yayayay!!!!!!!!
Even though my kids 3 and 1 are in day care it's still super hard to find time for everything I need! Between work and also taking care of our big dogs, cooking for our family (all of the mental load in that!) and most home tasks I am trying to figure out where to work out etc but it's unclear!! I have started spending a little time on Mondays making a giant salad that will keep in the fridge for my lunches. It's kind of random but really nice not worrying about meeting my family's preferences and then having something healthy taken care of for the week, even if I spend a little too much time chopping herbs for a weekday.
This is a small thing, but this trip I gave myself freedom from double-checking the calculations we do in order to get to the airport on time. One leg of our annual trip is from Atlanta--we have almost two hours of driving if there is no traffic, then figuring out how long it will take to turn in the rental car, deal with security, get to our gate, we always need a meal, etc. I just didn't do any of that this year. Whatever my spouse said was it and I went with it. It was great!
This past year, I've realized that I'm doing too much when it comes to prepping for trips and consciously cutting back/giving responsibility to everyone else. Not thinking about every little detail is very freeing. Of course, when my kids were little and I was flying with them solo, that level of prep wasn't optional! Finding out when we've crossed over from necessary mental load/responsibility to optional is a lot of parenting older kids for me.
All the stars aligned for a last minute, long weekend trip to my hometown. You know you are deep in Momland when a 6 hr drive is framed as "so much time to MYSELF!"
My kids are 10 and 7 and I've been really noticing lately that the load feels a lot lighter to me these days. My kids don't need so much from me physically anymore, and I've been working for years on scaffolding them to independence with some chores around the house. Now they know that when a basket of towels or kitchen linens (or their own laundry) appears upstairs that they must work together to fold it all and put it away, my older daughter often unloads the dishwasher, etc. This kind of stuff is a huge relief! We also have been conditioning them for years to be comfortable with sitters and care from other familiar adults, so my wife and I tend to get out for dates or events ~ every couple weeks, and usually we each have a solo social thing 1x a week. I feel it is very important to model for the kids that we take time for our relationship and our social lives and I think they accept it easily now. I'm so grateful we've found a good roster of sitters they love and who are reliable, and also have the privilege of family support from time to time. My wife and I just got back from 2 nights in Seattle to see a WNBA game and then Missy Elliott's tour this past weekend while the kids stayed with my mom (we live in Portland). We ALL had so much fun and I feel really restored after getting a good bolus of grown-up time with my wife and the kids were thoroughly spoiled by grandma.