The antidote is self-compassion. Here's how to nurture it.
Really enjoyed reading this thank you! I think another reason for “Shitty Parent Syndrom” is that we’re trying to do an impossible task which is parent in almost isolation, so many of us don’t have that village around us for support, and often we are trying to work alongside raising kids. I think a focus on self-compassion is so important (and lowering standards where possible!).
This was timely for me. I read it, then went to pick my kids up from school and went on a little hike with two other families. About half a mile in, my 2yo melted because she couldn't have all of her brother's snacks in addition to hers. Then while she was still upset in my arms, my 5yo melted because it was time to go (he had been prepped for our predetermined time to leave so we could get to soccer). And he proceeded to have the biggest meltdown in a while. At least publicly. After half an hour of trying to get him to not run away into the poison ivy while holding the 2yo, one of the other moms came to my rescue and began walking with us to the car. Her 4yo held my 2yo's hand, and I carried the 5yo the entire way back while he intermittenly hit me and yelled at me. Once we made it to the car, he ate the snack I'd been trying to get him to eat the whole time and promptly fell asleep. Later I texted the other two moms to apologize for being a drag and thanking them for the help. Each mom responded that their kids had epic meltdowns recently (change of season maybe?). I thanked them for sharing that and said it helped because I feel like a shitty mom when I can't get things under control. Usually I can, but I was lost in the woods on this one. And one mom replied, "You are an amazing mom!" And that's when I realized it. This is the exact analogy Carla used. Like, almost literally. And even though I'd just read your interview, I *still* felt shitty. I couldn't sleep last night for agonizing over what I could have done better. These internal dialogues run deep and are tough to combat. I guess noticing is the first step. Buying her book today. I read her first one and it was helpful, so I planned on reading this one and now it's bumped up in the priority.
Long-winded way to say thank you for this. It comes at a crucial time for me.
I had never realized that I was "professionalizing" my approach to parenting. WOW. It's EXACTLY how I've been thinking about it since day one. Thank you so much for this. It's gold.