This was great. My 5 year old daughter isn’t ready to discuss politics legitimately, but she knows we are electing a president, and she knows it is something we as her parents are talking about and are worried about what the outcome of the election will be.
I have anxiety about my ability to handle the outcome this time (in 2016 I was just managing my emotions so I could go to work the next day- I couldn’t go back to sleep after 1:30 am and spent a good hour crying in the middle of the night). I did hold it together at work (but back then I was working at a nursing home and only worked 5 hours from 10-3)- I do remember talking to one of the few residents who was a Hillary supporter who knew I was upset and asked me if I had cried a lot the night before (obviously I told her yes I had had a really hard time). Now I have been working as an infant teacher since 2021 (I’ve been working in a preschool setting since November of 2016 actually- shortly after the election I left the nursing home and started as a preschool assistant) and work full time- as the lead teacher in my classroom it is my responsibility to steer the ship in terms of making executive decisions about what we’re going to do to keep the schedule for the babies on track (we have 9 babies so sometimes we only have 2 teachers and sometimes 3 if someone is available- my coteachers are very capable, but they admit that it’s a lot easier when I take the lead.
I worry that even though I will be able to distract myself easily at work, I will be struggling if Trump wins (ugh- I can’t even type it- it stresses me out so much to even think it). In 2016 ultimately I concentrated on my new job and tried not to dwell on how painful a grief it was to lose hope in the whole democratic process because of how sure I was that Hillary was going to win. But I am looking forward to the election being over soon and being able to know the outcome instead of dealing with uncertainty for much longer.
I have a hard time reframing why people are voting for Trump- I mostly tell my kids people are unhappy with their lives now and they can’t see how Kamala as president could make it better—I usually add I don’t understand why they think Trump will make it better anyway.
They are well aware my sister’s husband is a Trump voter and I have said I am very happy their dad and I are both liberals and don’t have conflict around who we are voting for- I actually cried some reading this piece while my kids are sitting next to me watching their Saturday morning screen time. They know I am scared of the outcome. 2016 was awful. Reading about your then 5 yo waking up smiling made me think of my kids now (5 and almost 8 yo)—my boys absolutely believe Kamala will be president.
We have grieved my grandmother and my uncle’s death in the last 3 years, and we are experiencing anticipatory grief for 2 other family members with a glioblastoma diagnosis. My oldest’s best friend had to euthanize one of their foster cats this week on the week of his 8th birthday. We have had a lot of conversations about grieving and every year they seem to understand more.
The one piece of the conservative platform I understand is wanting to shield our kids—I wish I could shield my kids from the pain they have already experienced in their short lives. My MIL gave my husband and me a card for our 10 year anniversary that fit this current uncertainty—it said “Life will bring you pain all by itself. It’s your responsibility to create joy.”- Milton Erickson
I think the intent of this article is great, and agree so much with the recommendations on sharing your emotions in a safe way with your children. I also love the idea of using it to encourage activism and action - what a powerful lesson.
But I think it also misses the mark in two places; firstly, it fails to model actually not demonizing people who vote for Trump, and secondly it leaves out that as upsetting at 2016 was many of our fears were not realized and perhaps we are also unduly panicking here. Saying it’s hard even to WRITE that someone might not be an evil terrible human being because they disagree with you is not building the bridges we so desperately need in this country. In fact, I know people who have left the Democratic Party because they the same existential threats you describe in this article — because they feel the choice is better an unsavory character or death. While this doesn’t “make sense” to Kamala supporters, that’s my point, if you don’t actually understand that out there people feel the same things you do and often value many of the same things you do but come to different decisions, then you haven’t actually done the work to see their humanity.
Also, Uncertainty can be scary but it also means that the future isn’t known. Yes, a Trump win could mean harmful laws we don’t agree with and foreign policy that’s dangerous - it COULD mean very serious things. Or he could bluster around for four years on a massive ego trip but be checked by our other branches of power and possible do something useful. Or it could be somewhere in the middle. We don’t know. So why is part of handling anxiety not admitting that we don’t know what will happen and grounding ourselves in that? Or that or experience showed we survived once and can survive again?
This was great. My 5 year old daughter isn’t ready to discuss politics legitimately, but she knows we are electing a president, and she knows it is something we as her parents are talking about and are worried about what the outcome of the election will be.
I have anxiety about my ability to handle the outcome this time (in 2016 I was just managing my emotions so I could go to work the next day- I couldn’t go back to sleep after 1:30 am and spent a good hour crying in the middle of the night). I did hold it together at work (but back then I was working at a nursing home and only worked 5 hours from 10-3)- I do remember talking to one of the few residents who was a Hillary supporter who knew I was upset and asked me if I had cried a lot the night before (obviously I told her yes I had had a really hard time). Now I have been working as an infant teacher since 2021 (I’ve been working in a preschool setting since November of 2016 actually- shortly after the election I left the nursing home and started as a preschool assistant) and work full time- as the lead teacher in my classroom it is my responsibility to steer the ship in terms of making executive decisions about what we’re going to do to keep the schedule for the babies on track (we have 9 babies so sometimes we only have 2 teachers and sometimes 3 if someone is available- my coteachers are very capable, but they admit that it’s a lot easier when I take the lead.
I worry that even though I will be able to distract myself easily at work, I will be struggling if Trump wins (ugh- I can’t even type it- it stresses me out so much to even think it). In 2016 ultimately I concentrated on my new job and tried not to dwell on how painful a grief it was to lose hope in the whole democratic process because of how sure I was that Hillary was going to win. But I am looking forward to the election being over soon and being able to know the outcome instead of dealing with uncertainty for much longer.
What a nice succinct summary of the talking points we all need to keep in mind for the next few days-
I have a hard time reframing why people are voting for Trump- I mostly tell my kids people are unhappy with their lives now and they can’t see how Kamala as president could make it better—I usually add I don’t understand why they think Trump will make it better anyway.
They are well aware my sister’s husband is a Trump voter and I have said I am very happy their dad and I are both liberals and don’t have conflict around who we are voting for- I actually cried some reading this piece while my kids are sitting next to me watching their Saturday morning screen time. They know I am scared of the outcome. 2016 was awful. Reading about your then 5 yo waking up smiling made me think of my kids now (5 and almost 8 yo)—my boys absolutely believe Kamala will be president.
We have grieved my grandmother and my uncle’s death in the last 3 years, and we are experiencing anticipatory grief for 2 other family members with a glioblastoma diagnosis. My oldest’s best friend had to euthanize one of their foster cats this week on the week of his 8th birthday. We have had a lot of conversations about grieving and every year they seem to understand more.
The one piece of the conservative platform I understand is wanting to shield our kids—I wish I could shield my kids from the pain they have already experienced in their short lives. My MIL gave my husband and me a card for our 10 year anniversary that fit this current uncertainty—it said “Life will bring you pain all by itself. It’s your responsibility to create joy.”- Milton Erickson
I think the intent of this article is great, and agree so much with the recommendations on sharing your emotions in a safe way with your children. I also love the idea of using it to encourage activism and action - what a powerful lesson.
But I think it also misses the mark in two places; firstly, it fails to model actually not demonizing people who vote for Trump, and secondly it leaves out that as upsetting at 2016 was many of our fears were not realized and perhaps we are also unduly panicking here. Saying it’s hard even to WRITE that someone might not be an evil terrible human being because they disagree with you is not building the bridges we so desperately need in this country. In fact, I know people who have left the Democratic Party because they the same existential threats you describe in this article — because they feel the choice is better an unsavory character or death. While this doesn’t “make sense” to Kamala supporters, that’s my point, if you don’t actually understand that out there people feel the same things you do and often value many of the same things you do but come to different decisions, then you haven’t actually done the work to see their humanity.
Also, Uncertainty can be scary but it also means that the future isn’t known. Yes, a Trump win could mean harmful laws we don’t agree with and foreign policy that’s dangerous - it COULD mean very serious things. Or he could bluster around for four years on a massive ego trip but be checked by our other branches of power and possible do something useful. Or it could be somewhere in the middle. We don’t know. So why is part of handling anxiety not admitting that we don’t know what will happen and grounding ourselves in that? Or that or experience showed we survived once and can survive again?
This was so, so helpful to read.
Melinda, I had this article fresh in my head last night. We had a really difficult and important discussion with my oldest. Thank you.