I see this play out in my work. November is always slow for my parent coaching practice but then December is busy because everyone is losing their minds. It’s been a tough month in our house too. My daughter has two big school exhibitions - the culmination of their work since the beginning of the school year - just before winter break. So many things to do and worry about. 🤦♀️
I live in San Diego and will be so excited if I randomly see you out in the wild! Travel safely with no delays!
We need to do better at the thank you notes thing. The thing is, I grew up writing them to family who were far away when I opened their gifts, whereas my kid always opens gifts from family with said family in the room, and since he's thanked them in person it has not felt necessary to have him also write. I guess this year we will have him write a note to the one family member -- my uncle -- who won't be around. Fingers crossed my uncle, who is a notoriously bad gift-giver (think gifts for adults that are both hideously ugly and you can't tell if it's simply an art object or supposed to be somehow useful), gets him something he can fake gratitude for.
I was always expected to write thank you notes, no matter if I opened them in front of them or not, and I've fallen out of the habit with my kids. Need to restart!
I am trying to get better at this, too. I'll often send a quick text to someone letting them know we got their package and thanking them, but my kids are not really involved in that process, even if I tell them what I'm doing.
A 7 year old whose birthday party my daughter attended wrote thank you notes to the kids who brought gifts and it was a really great "starter thank you note" situation, because of course the other kids were super excited to get a letter from her.
Maybe since everyone has already been thanked, you could have your kid write a note saying how good it was to see the other person, how much fun they had doing XYZ, or how funny it was when XYZ happened.
Actual lol at asking Santa for a hotel! I love it. I teach intro psych and developmental psych to college students, and just a few weeks ago I was talking about how there are all these studies of gratitude and how it increases feelings of well-being. It sounds like this sort of squishy and nebulous concept, but it's really interesting to think about how people have quantified it and used it as a variable in some of these studies. Also I really liked the point about sensitivity to kids' needs. This is also something I try to impress upon my students when I teach them about the development of attachment -- the key variable is sensitivity, rather than any particular behavior on the parents' part, because what one kid needs is different from another kid. Basically this post made me nerd out, is what I'm saying. :D
Dec 12, 2023·edited Dec 12, 2023Liked by Melinda Wenner Moyer
I was such a brat and HATED writing thank you cards as a kid...luckily, mine are slightly better than I was--I got them their own stationery (nothing crazy, just from Target) and they like using it to write their thank you cards. I could do a better job expressing my own gratitude in front of them, so I really appreciate this post!
Has anyone had luck with their kids keeping a gratitude journal? We attempted this during COVID quarantine, but my kids were pretty young and I was so overwhelmed with life during that time that I didn't keep it up. Would love to start it again--even if its just listing 5 things, like the research mentions...
Sometimes at dinner we'll go around and say our favorite thing from the day, which I'm realizing could be prompted in such a way that it's more about something we're grateful for that day. I might try this as something less overwhelming than keeping a journal (esp for younger kids). Is there a Bluey episode about this? Why yes, yes there is.
So, I got into the habit of always thanking my husband for making dinner (I read, years and years before I even met him, that the secret to a happy marriage was to notice and acknowledge the things your partner did), and when my son started talking one of the first things he did was always thanked daddy for dinner. It was so surprising the first time that I was just in shock! Then he did it over and over again, multiple times every dinner, lol. I love the idea of talking kids through what went into a gift or kind gesture. It's such a good idea.
Yes my daughter also thanks whoever cooked dinner (unless she hated it, which, fair I guess), which is super sweet ("That was the best dinner ever!! Thank you for making it!"). I think it's such a nice concrete gratitude: you were hungry and now you're not!
Dec 12, 2023·edited Dec 12, 2023Liked by Melinda Wenner Moyer
In defense of your kids, they didn't ask to go on this awesome vacation (unless they did, in which case my comment is meaningless). I did the adult version of losing my mind (whimpering internally) when a family member decided to plan an extended family trip over Thanksgiving. It would have been an "amazing" trip, but I couldn't handle one more stressful change from routine. So I get where they're coming from!
Happy birthday to the newsletter. I am so grateful to have fellow writers like you who add so much value to the child development and parenting space. You have helped me during tough times like this December and balancing 4 kids during the holidays. I want to do all the things with them but don’t seem to have enough hours in the day.
I see this play out in my work. November is always slow for my parent coaching practice but then December is busy because everyone is losing their minds. It’s been a tough month in our house too. My daughter has two big school exhibitions - the culmination of their work since the beginning of the school year - just before winter break. So many things to do and worry about. 🤦♀️
I live in San Diego and will be so excited if I randomly see you out in the wild! Travel safely with no delays!
Ah, thank you! And thanks for sharing this perspective -- it's reassuring to know that the challenges of this time of year are universal.
We need to do better at the thank you notes thing. The thing is, I grew up writing them to family who were far away when I opened their gifts, whereas my kid always opens gifts from family with said family in the room, and since he's thanked them in person it has not felt necessary to have him also write. I guess this year we will have him write a note to the one family member -- my uncle -- who won't be around. Fingers crossed my uncle, who is a notoriously bad gift-giver (think gifts for adults that are both hideously ugly and you can't tell if it's simply an art object or supposed to be somehow useful), gets him something he can fake gratitude for.
I was always expected to write thank you notes, no matter if I opened them in front of them or not, and I've fallen out of the habit with my kids. Need to restart!
I am trying to get better at this, too. I'll often send a quick text to someone letting them know we got their package and thanking them, but my kids are not really involved in that process, even if I tell them what I'm doing.
A 7 year old whose birthday party my daughter attended wrote thank you notes to the kids who brought gifts and it was a really great "starter thank you note" situation, because of course the other kids were super excited to get a letter from her.
Maybe since everyone has already been thanked, you could have your kid write a note saying how good it was to see the other person, how much fun they had doing XYZ, or how funny it was when XYZ happened.
Actual lol at asking Santa for a hotel! I love it. I teach intro psych and developmental psych to college students, and just a few weeks ago I was talking about how there are all these studies of gratitude and how it increases feelings of well-being. It sounds like this sort of squishy and nebulous concept, but it's really interesting to think about how people have quantified it and used it as a variable in some of these studies. Also I really liked the point about sensitivity to kids' needs. This is also something I try to impress upon my students when I teach them about the development of attachment -- the key variable is sensitivity, rather than any particular behavior on the parents' part, because what one kid needs is different from another kid. Basically this post made me nerd out, is what I'm saying. :D
Aww thank you!!!!!
I was such a brat and HATED writing thank you cards as a kid...luckily, mine are slightly better than I was--I got them their own stationery (nothing crazy, just from Target) and they like using it to write their thank you cards. I could do a better job expressing my own gratitude in front of them, so I really appreciate this post!
Has anyone had luck with their kids keeping a gratitude journal? We attempted this during COVID quarantine, but my kids were pretty young and I was so overwhelmed with life during that time that I didn't keep it up. Would love to start it again--even if its just listing 5 things, like the research mentions...
I will be honest and admit that we haven't tried it yet!
Sometimes at dinner we'll go around and say our favorite thing from the day, which I'm realizing could be prompted in such a way that it's more about something we're grateful for that day. I might try this as something less overwhelming than keeping a journal (esp for younger kids). Is there a Bluey episode about this? Why yes, yes there is.
Ah! I'm just seeing this, I'm sorry! The Bluey episode where the kids can't part with even ONE stuffed animal?! Bluey-lovers around here...
So, I got into the habit of always thanking my husband for making dinner (I read, years and years before I even met him, that the secret to a happy marriage was to notice and acknowledge the things your partner did), and when my son started talking one of the first things he did was always thanked daddy for dinner. It was so surprising the first time that I was just in shock! Then he did it over and over again, multiple times every dinner, lol. I love the idea of talking kids through what went into a gift or kind gesture. It's such a good idea.
Yes my daughter also thanks whoever cooked dinner (unless she hated it, which, fair I guess), which is super sweet ("That was the best dinner ever!! Thank you for making it!"). I think it's such a nice concrete gratitude: you were hungry and now you're not!
Love this!!! My husband always thanks me for making dinner, and my kids now do too (though not EVERY time).
In defense of your kids, they didn't ask to go on this awesome vacation (unless they did, in which case my comment is meaningless). I did the adult version of losing my mind (whimpering internally) when a family member decided to plan an extended family trip over Thanksgiving. It would have been an "amazing" trip, but I couldn't handle one more stressful change from routine. So I get where they're coming from!
They are actually SUPER excited about the trip and are very happy we're going, but yes-- I do see your point!
Happy birthday to the newsletter. I am so grateful to have fellow writers like you who add so much value to the child development and parenting space. You have helped me during tough times like this December and balancing 4 kids during the holidays. I want to do all the things with them but don’t seem to have enough hours in the day.