How My Friend Ended Sibling Bickering

Two little sentences changed everything.

On Wednesday evening, a good friend reached out to me after having had a fraught dinner with her kids. Her daughters had been bickering throughout the meal — her 11-year-old was constantly correcting her little sister; her 7-year-old was making sucking noises she knew her sister hated; and they repeatedly stuck their tongues out at each other.

You’ve probably been there. I know I have.

At her wit’s end, and on a whim, my friend took a chance and tried something new — an approach she said was directly inspired by my newsletter earlier this week. When she described to me what she’d done, I recognized that it encompassed a blend of parenting strategies I have discussed at length here before. It was an approach that employed logical consequences rather than arbitrary punishments and was built on the premise that kids both learn from, and can get intrinsic satisfaction from, taking ownership of household tasks.

Ultimately, it was a win-win-win for my friend, who ended up having to do very little post-dinner clean-up. She also got to see her kids get along and work together, and was even, eventually, the recipient of some murmurings of gratitude. (gasp!)

What was this sorcery?! Let me explain what she did — and unpack why it likely worked so well.