If you can figure out a good way to do it, the approach you talked about sounds great. When it comes to anxiety-producing things for me, I think I've tried to do two things. One is to try to mask my anxiety so my 5 yo daughter isn't aware of just how much a situation is bothering me and just do it anyway, in the hopes that she has a better experience overall with it than I do. The other is to try to explain why I'm reacting the way I am, and try to celebrating when I do a hard/scary thing. For example, one time I was planning to drive to a big city to go to a museum with my daughter and I was feeling very anxious about the parking situation. I did my best to keep it together and not show anxiety on the drive there, but then I ended up getting a little snappy with her when we were actively trying to find a good (and legal) parking spot. So after we were parked, I apologized and explained that I was feeling a little stressed about finding a good parking spot since I hadn't been there before, and then did a little celebration with her ("phew...yay, we did it!"). And when we took her on an airplane for the first time I wanted to make it fun and not scary so talked through the process as we were taking off ("Oh, we're about to take off..... and we're starting to go into the air!") and pointing at how neat it was that we could see the buildings/roads/cars in the distance so that she was happily looking out the window while I was trying to not clutch the seat too hard behind her, lol.
This is mostly how I've approached things. I think that having to do the anxiety-provoking things is good for the parents, too.
My kids now know that I am afraid of heights and they think it is funny that I have a hard time watching them and their dad take the good pictures out on the cliff edges. And they are encouraging and supportive of me to face my fear and be in the picture. I think that few of us have had the experience of kindness while dealing with anxiety, and being able to model that and experience it while moving through whatever terror is striking us is a great thing. Facing fears is pretty much required in our household, but we know we will not be alone while we do it.
This rings so true for me! Growing up my mom was afraid of *everything*. My dad was afraid of *nothing*. As the oldest kid, I ended up with dad more often than my siblings, especially when it came to "scarier" things: skiing, hiking, doing home repairs recklessly, learning to drive, etc. As adults, I'm like my dad, with an unusually low level of fear. My siblings are far more like our mom, especially the youngest. Even when I saw my mom being afraid of things, I definitely felt “Oh, silly mom, she’s so irrational.”
Here's a question though - I see how this translates to things like germs, snakes, heights etc. None of which I'm the least bit afraid of or anxious about. But how does it work for internal fears, things like money anxiety or middle of the night ruminations (both of which I have!) which you can't really see someone interacting with neutrally?
This is very good news. I'm not a strong swimmer and I'm afraid of deep water, so my partner has always been the one who takes our kid to swimming lessons, because I didn't want to pass it on. He's going to be out of town in a few weeks so I'll have to take the kid, and I was worried my anxieties were going to make my kid anxious, but I guess our work was done several years ago!
This is why my husband takes our daughter to doctor’s appointments. So far it’s worked pretty well—she actually enjoys going even when there are immunizations. He’s also the ski parent and I’m the social events and dentist parent.
What is your new book going to focus on? This was a nice piece.
Thank you! Here's a brief description! https://www.instagram.com/p/CzWO9nMM9Gw/
If you can figure out a good way to do it, the approach you talked about sounds great. When it comes to anxiety-producing things for me, I think I've tried to do two things. One is to try to mask my anxiety so my 5 yo daughter isn't aware of just how much a situation is bothering me and just do it anyway, in the hopes that she has a better experience overall with it than I do. The other is to try to explain why I'm reacting the way I am, and try to celebrating when I do a hard/scary thing. For example, one time I was planning to drive to a big city to go to a museum with my daughter and I was feeling very anxious about the parking situation. I did my best to keep it together and not show anxiety on the drive there, but then I ended up getting a little snappy with her when we were actively trying to find a good (and legal) parking spot. So after we were parked, I apologized and explained that I was feeling a little stressed about finding a good parking spot since I hadn't been there before, and then did a little celebration with her ("phew...yay, we did it!"). And when we took her on an airplane for the first time I wanted to make it fun and not scary so talked through the process as we were taking off ("Oh, we're about to take off..... and we're starting to go into the air!") and pointing at how neat it was that we could see the buildings/roads/cars in the distance so that she was happily looking out the window while I was trying to not clutch the seat too hard behind her, lol.
This is mostly how I've approached things. I think that having to do the anxiety-provoking things is good for the parents, too.
My kids now know that I am afraid of heights and they think it is funny that I have a hard time watching them and their dad take the good pictures out on the cliff edges. And they are encouraging and supportive of me to face my fear and be in the picture. I think that few of us have had the experience of kindness while dealing with anxiety, and being able to model that and experience it while moving through whatever terror is striking us is a great thing. Facing fears is pretty much required in our household, but we know we will not be alone while we do it.
This rings so true for me! Growing up my mom was afraid of *everything*. My dad was afraid of *nothing*. As the oldest kid, I ended up with dad more often than my siblings, especially when it came to "scarier" things: skiing, hiking, doing home repairs recklessly, learning to drive, etc. As adults, I'm like my dad, with an unusually low level of fear. My siblings are far more like our mom, especially the youngest. Even when I saw my mom being afraid of things, I definitely felt “Oh, silly mom, she’s so irrational.”
Here's a question though - I see how this translates to things like germs, snakes, heights etc. None of which I'm the least bit afraid of or anxious about. But how does it work for internal fears, things like money anxiety or middle of the night ruminations (both of which I have!) which you can't really see someone interacting with neutrally?
This is very good news. I'm not a strong swimmer and I'm afraid of deep water, so my partner has always been the one who takes our kid to swimming lessons, because I didn't want to pass it on. He's going to be out of town in a few weeks so I'll have to take the kid, and I was worried my anxieties were going to make my kid anxious, but I guess our work was done several years ago!
This is why my husband takes our daughter to doctor’s appointments. So far it’s worked pretty well—she actually enjoys going even when there are immunizations. He’s also the ski parent and I’m the social events and dentist parent.