Why Separation Taught Me To Ask for Help

We were never meant to raise kids without community.

For a long time, I took pride in rarely asking for help from my friends. Although I worked full-time, and my partner worked outside the home at a job that didn’t offer much flexibility, I told myself that because my job was flexible, it was unreasonable for me to ask for help or rely on other parents. I almost never asked friends to give my kids rides home from soccer practices or to host them for playdates on school holidays or snow days. Instead, I typically shifted my own schedule to accommodate or I hired a babysitter.

Everyone else had stuff going on, too, I told myself. I didn’t want to be a burden. And I definitely didn’t want to come across as weak, disorganized or as less of a “good mom.”

I see now that this perspective is … extremely flawed. For a number of reasons. But it took the experience of separation to get me there.