My two kids couldn’t be more different in the ways in which they like to connect with me. My 10-year-old daughter is verbally and physically affectionate and emotionally communicative — she tells me she loves me, asks for snuggles, discusses in detail exactly how she feels and why, and regularly asks me probing questions. (But god forbid I ever touch her in public.)
I’m grateful for my daughter’s emotional availability, because I feel like I always know how she’s doing and where we stand. I suspect that this will change as she edges towards becoming a teenager, but it’s really nice right now.
My 13-year-old son is a different story. When I ask questions, I often get one-word answers. When he does open up, it’s rarely about feelings. I know that this is “normal,” in the sense that boys are socialized to do this and many do, but I also know that it’s not particularly healthy, so sometimes it worries me.
Yet what I’m learning is that connection comes in many forms. Sure, I wish my son would talk to me about how he feels — but his avoidance of these kinds of conversations doesn’t mean we can’t share any emotional intimacy at all. I’m realizing that if I open my mind a little and pay attention, I can discover new ways for connection to happen.
