Is Helicopter Parenting Ruining Kids?

We're more over-protective than we think — and yes, we're putting kids at risk.

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Yesterday, the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital published the results of a new national poll. They wanted to gauge how parents felt about giving their kids independence and how much independence they actually allowed.

The results were astounding to me.

Let’s start with parents of younger kids. Although 74 percent of parents of kids aged 5 to 8 said in the survey that they “make it a point to have their child do things themselves when possible,” very few seem to actually let their child do things. For instance:

• 53 percent don’t regularly let their child talk with adults, such as doctors or nurses at health care visits

• 70 percent don’t let their child decide how to spend allowance or gift money

• 76 percent don’t let their child speak to unfamiliar adults in business situations, such as ordering at a restaurant

• 80 percent don’t let their child prepare their own meal or snack

Parents of kids aged 9 to 11 didn’t do much better. A whopping 84 percent of those parents said they agree that children benefit from unsupervised free time, and yet:

• 42 percent don’t let their child stay home alone for 30 to 60 minutes

• 50 percent don’t let their child find an item at the store while their parent is in another aisle

• 67 percent don’t let their child walk or bike to a friend’s house

• 71 percent don’t let their child play at the park with a friend

• 85 percent don’t let their child trick-or-treat with friends

Of course, of course, there are circumstances in which these activities could be unwise. Privilege is highly relevant, in that families who live in wealthier communities, which are often safer, understandably feel much more comfortable letting their child do things on their own. Race matters, too — consider that Black children are nearly six times as likely as white children to be killed with guns. And some kids may not be developmentally ready for certain activities. I certainly do not question parents for erring on the side of caution when caution is warranted.

Yet it’s clear that many parents err on the side of caution when perhaps they needn’t.