Hi everyone! Our second Parent Scream is starting right now. Join us to vent, cry, yell, scream… whatever you need. Last week, we discussed how this wave of the pandemic is affecting us, our marriages, and our kids. Now that the wave has crested, are you feeling more hopeful? Or are you just as burned out and nervous as before?
Last week, some free subscribers said they could comment, and some said they couldn’t. I reached out to Substack support, and they said if this happens to any of you tonight, you should fully log out of Substack (by clicking the upper right profile icon and then 'sign out') and then log back in, making sure you’re using the email address you used to subscribe.
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Most definitely not feeling better this week because my kid and I are sick and so far testing negative but it feels like WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE. (Yes, I know other illnesses still exist, but also, do they??) I’ve been hit by a huge wave of fatigue and my kid, though sick, still has bouncing-off-the-walls level energy. WHYYYYYYY
I’m still so devastated by the news about the vax not working for the 2-5 yr olds. It feels like the rest of the world is moving on and those of us with young and unvaxxed kids are just continuing to live in the shit… only now no one gives a fuck anymore.
My four year old will not stop picking fights with her older brother and being generally annoying and obnoxious. I love her but am considering listing her on Etsy. For the love of God child, JUST STOP IT. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Nobody is sleeping well in our house - even though we're all covid-free now. It's teething. It's naps when the 4yo was tired that then screwed up bedtime. Right now, for example, he finally fell asleep, and then immediately the baby woke up... one hour after she went down. My husband and I joke with one another that we are in the movie "Us" and ask one another, "When do the other parents arrive?". Please tell me they're on their way.
My 5yo is a wreck! Screaming, moaning, whining, falling over, crying, begging for attention ... and we haven't even had covid. Shouldn't they be able to amuse themselves by this point?!? And the baby only napped for 40 minutes ... well then another 30 but ON ME ... AHHHHHH
Why have some employers just not gotten the message about how to support working parents during a pandemic!? For example, I work in health care/primary care, and have young unvaxxed (under 5yr) kids at home. We have been told we aren’t allowed to wear N95s at work, even if we supply them ourselves from the NIOSH-approved CDC list. Fuck asshole management!!!! Ahhhh!!!!
This is so small in the scheme of things, but my daughter turned one this week, and we weren't able to do any of the traditional Jewish things for her in community when she was born because of Covid, but I told myself that when she turned one, we would do something for real. But then effing omicron came, and we had to cancel her party because various family members kept getting Covid, and it wasn't worth the risk for the exposure because if I have to keep her home from daycare for another 10 days i will lose my mind. So then I at least made her a tiny cake for her to smash so her relatives could watch on zoom and the little jerk WOULD NOT TOUCH IT. Instead she just wanted cauliflower and grapes. Instead my husband ate part of it, and then I yelled at him and cried.
I’m so deeply in the sandwich generation I feel like a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. I have 2 kids top young for the covid vaccine and one on the way, and this weekend I’m helping my medically-vulnerable mother and aunt move. My aunt is moving into senior housing. My mother is moving into her car. How did we get to a place where a retired lady’s best housing option is a twenty-year-old SUV? Oh, right, cancer and the American healthcare system.
I’m stressed and sad and worried. I expected us as a society to do better in so many ways.
We have socialized indoors only 2 times this month and BOTH TIMES there was a close COVID contact found after the fact. On the flip side I’m so sick of shivering around a fire pit, and I’m even more sick of having to make choices from terrible options. Also snowy days with a 1.5 year old are hell, just wear the f*cking mittens!!
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH *insert screaming opossum gif here*
Things. Are. Just. So. Hard. 😭 My health, kids, relationships, our broken healthcare system. It’s been a week of disappointment by many friends and family members.
I ugly cried in the kitchen this week making my kids' lunch because WHAT IF THE VACCINES DONT GET APPROVED FOR THE LITTLE ONES IN THE COMING FEW MONTHS and if they don't I literally don't know what I'm going to do.
I have two sleep disorders, sleep apnea and idiopathic hypersomnia. That latter one means basically that I get sleepy and feel a deep urge to nap a lot during the day, but there doesn't seem to be a reason why other than my body is just like this. There's medication to keep me awake if I need it, but the side effects are bad. It's worse during the winter, and my 2.5 year old just gets so upset with me when I tell him that I'm tired and need to nap. He won't let me lie down and starts wailing and I understand from his POV it seems like mommy just doesn't want to play with him, but when I'm that sleepy it's a struggle to keep my eyes open. My husband does come to my rescue a lot, but the whole thing just leaves me feeling very guilty that my son doesn't get it and is upset and that my husband has to do damage control. All of this on top of the pandemic, job stress, trying to find a new job, etc.
I’m really feeling the absence of parent community. My daughter was born in April 2020, and we’ve been so isolated. I realized recently I have no frame of reference for how to raise my kid because I haven’t seen other parents do it. Like, is my kid normal? What do I do about the sleep challenges she’s having right now? I feel like I’ve been having to become my own expert on all kinds of things (introducing solids, sleep training, developmentally appropriate activities, etc), and I’m just exhausted and burned out. It would be so nice to be around other parents and watch how they do it.
Jan 30, 2022·edited Jan 30, 2022Liked by Melinda Wenner Moyer
My 4 year old is usually very game to do any activity we proposed - from running errands to taking a walk around the block. Very suddenly, she has started acting like she has oppositional defiant disorder. She refuses to do things even if she enjoys them. What do I do?
Another rough parenting day where every step seems like a misstep, and while I KNOW no one's at their best right now, it's hard not to feel like the worst parent ever and like my kid IS the asshole, and maybe so am I, and nothing well ever get better, and my god I just need some chocolate and some sleep... T_T
Scream! Still here, still screaming! With kids under 5, I feel dead inside at this point, there is no little dessert or activity or idea I can do this time that will cheer me up, like in the pandemic times of yore. It feels endless, knowing more variants will come.
We’re pretty risk adverse so we chose to homeschool this year rather than risk whatever the schools chose to do. I’ve been trying to mentally get myself and the kids ready for going back to in person school next year. But I hadnt really thought through that of course schools changed their policies to go along with the cdc’s new guidelines. And I don’t know how I’m going to send them to school knowing that the kid sitting next to them at lunch might have a positive family member at home but because they’re negative and vaccinated, they’re still at school (etc with other scenarios). It was also kind of a gut punch to realize how many of my friends all over the country are going along with this guidance instead of giving more care to the impact their choices are having on community transmission and the risk to the most vulnerable around them. And all of these people I know in general take the pandemic seriously and at least 2/3rds of them have a stay at home parent so it wouldn’t be a huge inconvenience to keep the kids home. I know a lot of people have shifted to “we’re all going to get it eventually” but that’s just not something we’re going to be doing since there’s so many people we know who are likely to die if they get it, and also I’d really rather none of us have long term consequences from it either. (Also I had to unsubscribe from the NYT’s daily newsletter because I couldn’t take being told even one more time by Leonhardt that we’re being unreasonably cautious because for kids and vaccinated adults “COVID is less dangerous than riding in a car” which might be true for death and serious acute illness but definitely isn’t for long term illness or things that might crop up later. Like a study from Israel found kids getting long COVID about 11% of the time and my kids definitely don’t sustain an injury that lasts for months every tenth time they get in a car.)
Anyway. Even among people who are vaccinated and wearing masks, it’s just exhausting to often be the most cautious person in a group, and to constantly be reminded that you’re doing a lot more to make sure you aren’t spreading a dangerous virus around your community than anyone else seems to be doing for you. Exhausting and lonely.
I got your book for Christmas and can’t wait to start reading it!! I’m all in on finishing Abigail Tucker’s Mom Genes first. I can only really read in the fleeting time frame between when my kids go down and before I crash for the night, so it’s slow going but I’ll get there.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sometimes I wish daycare was open on Saturdays
My 14 year is so surly, so obnoxious and I'm OVER IT. More so, it's so hard to find other parents to talk too. It all gets so ....competitive . It's dumb. So very dumb.
Hiiiiiiii! How's everyone doing tonight? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Most definitely not feeling better this week because my kid and I are sick and so far testing negative but it feels like WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE. (Yes, I know other illnesses still exist, but also, do they??) I’ve been hit by a huge wave of fatigue and my kid, though sick, still has bouncing-off-the-walls level energy. WHYYYYYYY
AAAAAAHHHHHH ! So great to be here!
I’m still so devastated by the news about the vax not working for the 2-5 yr olds. It feels like the rest of the world is moving on and those of us with young and unvaxxed kids are just continuing to live in the shit… only now no one gives a fuck anymore.
My four year old will not stop picking fights with her older brother and being generally annoying and obnoxious. I love her but am considering listing her on Etsy. For the love of God child, JUST STOP IT. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Nobody is sleeping well in our house - even though we're all covid-free now. It's teething. It's naps when the 4yo was tired that then screwed up bedtime. Right now, for example, he finally fell asleep, and then immediately the baby woke up... one hour after she went down. My husband and I joke with one another that we are in the movie "Us" and ask one another, "When do the other parents arrive?". Please tell me they're on their way.
Physically fine, mentally, emotionally not so much. I am rolling with the punches but its just enough.
My 5yo is a wreck! Screaming, moaning, whining, falling over, crying, begging for attention ... and we haven't even had covid. Shouldn't they be able to amuse themselves by this point?!? And the baby only napped for 40 minutes ... well then another 30 but ON ME ... AHHHHHH
I think everyone in NYC had covid. Because they all called me. #tiredpediatrician
I worry constantly about the well being of my nearly-2 and barely-3 year olds. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Why have some employers just not gotten the message about how to support working parents during a pandemic!? For example, I work in health care/primary care, and have young unvaxxed (under 5yr) kids at home. We have been told we aren’t allowed to wear N95s at work, even if we supply them ourselves from the NIOSH-approved CDC list. Fuck asshole management!!!! Ahhhh!!!!
This is so small in the scheme of things, but my daughter turned one this week, and we weren't able to do any of the traditional Jewish things for her in community when she was born because of Covid, but I told myself that when she turned one, we would do something for real. But then effing omicron came, and we had to cancel her party because various family members kept getting Covid, and it wasn't worth the risk for the exposure because if I have to keep her home from daycare for another 10 days i will lose my mind. So then I at least made her a tiny cake for her to smash so her relatives could watch on zoom and the little jerk WOULD NOT TOUCH IT. Instead she just wanted cauliflower and grapes. Instead my husband ate part of it, and then I yelled at him and cried.
Why is my 3 year old suddenly waking up at 5:30 am every day. WHY.
I’m so deeply in the sandwich generation I feel like a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. I have 2 kids top young for the covid vaccine and one on the way, and this weekend I’m helping my medically-vulnerable mother and aunt move. My aunt is moving into senior housing. My mother is moving into her car. How did we get to a place where a retired lady’s best housing option is a twenty-year-old SUV? Oh, right, cancer and the American healthcare system.
I’m stressed and sad and worried. I expected us as a society to do better in so many ways.
We have socialized indoors only 2 times this month and BOTH TIMES there was a close COVID contact found after the fact. On the flip side I’m so sick of shivering around a fire pit, and I’m even more sick of having to make choices from terrible options. Also snowy days with a 1.5 year old are hell, just wear the f*cking mittens!!
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH *insert screaming opossum gif here*
Things. Are. Just. So. Hard. 😭 My health, kids, relationships, our broken healthcare system. It’s been a week of disappointment by many friends and family members.
I ugly cried in the kitchen this week making my kids' lunch because WHAT IF THE VACCINES DONT GET APPROVED FOR THE LITTLE ONES IN THE COMING FEW MONTHS and if they don't I literally don't know what I'm going to do.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHGGHHHGHHHHH
I have two sleep disorders, sleep apnea and idiopathic hypersomnia. That latter one means basically that I get sleepy and feel a deep urge to nap a lot during the day, but there doesn't seem to be a reason why other than my body is just like this. There's medication to keep me awake if I need it, but the side effects are bad. It's worse during the winter, and my 2.5 year old just gets so upset with me when I tell him that I'm tired and need to nap. He won't let me lie down and starts wailing and I understand from his POV it seems like mommy just doesn't want to play with him, but when I'm that sleepy it's a struggle to keep my eyes open. My husband does come to my rescue a lot, but the whole thing just leaves me feeling very guilty that my son doesn't get it and is upset and that my husband has to do damage control. All of this on top of the pandemic, job stress, trying to find a new job, etc.
I’m really feeling the absence of parent community. My daughter was born in April 2020, and we’ve been so isolated. I realized recently I have no frame of reference for how to raise my kid because I haven’t seen other parents do it. Like, is my kid normal? What do I do about the sleep challenges she’s having right now? I feel like I’ve been having to become my own expert on all kinds of things (introducing solids, sleep training, developmentally appropriate activities, etc), and I’m just exhausted and burned out. It would be so nice to be around other parents and watch how they do it.
How do I find other parents?
My quarantine kid wakes up with night terrors every night for the last month and I’m not doing ok!
My 4 year old is usually very game to do any activity we proposed - from running errands to taking a walk around the block. Very suddenly, she has started acting like she has oppositional defiant disorder. She refuses to do things even if she enjoys them. What do I do?
Another rough parenting day where every step seems like a misstep, and while I KNOW no one's at their best right now, it's hard not to feel like the worst parent ever and like my kid IS the asshole, and maybe so am I, and nothing well ever get better, and my god I just need some chocolate and some sleep... T_T
Scream! Still here, still screaming! With kids under 5, I feel dead inside at this point, there is no little dessert or activity or idea I can do this time that will cheer me up, like in the pandemic times of yore. It feels endless, knowing more variants will come.
We’re pretty risk adverse so we chose to homeschool this year rather than risk whatever the schools chose to do. I’ve been trying to mentally get myself and the kids ready for going back to in person school next year. But I hadnt really thought through that of course schools changed their policies to go along with the cdc’s new guidelines. And I don’t know how I’m going to send them to school knowing that the kid sitting next to them at lunch might have a positive family member at home but because they’re negative and vaccinated, they’re still at school (etc with other scenarios). It was also kind of a gut punch to realize how many of my friends all over the country are going along with this guidance instead of giving more care to the impact their choices are having on community transmission and the risk to the most vulnerable around them. And all of these people I know in general take the pandemic seriously and at least 2/3rds of them have a stay at home parent so it wouldn’t be a huge inconvenience to keep the kids home. I know a lot of people have shifted to “we’re all going to get it eventually” but that’s just not something we’re going to be doing since there’s so many people we know who are likely to die if they get it, and also I’d really rather none of us have long term consequences from it either. (Also I had to unsubscribe from the NYT’s daily newsletter because I couldn’t take being told even one more time by Leonhardt that we’re being unreasonably cautious because for kids and vaccinated adults “COVID is less dangerous than riding in a car” which might be true for death and serious acute illness but definitely isn’t for long term illness or things that might crop up later. Like a study from Israel found kids getting long COVID about 11% of the time and my kids definitely don’t sustain an injury that lasts for months every tenth time they get in a car.)
Anyway. Even among people who are vaccinated and wearing masks, it’s just exhausting to often be the most cautious person in a group, and to constantly be reminded that you’re doing a lot more to make sure you aren’t spreading a dangerous virus around your community than anyone else seems to be doing for you. Exhausting and lonely.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I got your book for Christmas and can’t wait to start reading it!! I’m all in on finishing Abigail Tucker’s Mom Genes first. I can only really read in the fleeting time frame between when my kids go down and before I crash for the night, so it’s slow going but I’ll get there.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sometimes I wish daycare was open on Saturdays
My 14 year is so surly, so obnoxious and I'm OVER IT. More so, it's so hard to find other parents to talk too. It all gets so ....competitive . It's dumb. So very dumb.