Hi everyone! Our second Parent Scream is starting right now. Join us to vent, cry, yell, scream… whatever you need. Last week, we discussed how this wave of the pandemic is affecting us, our marriages, and our kids. Now that the wave has crested, are you feeling more hopeful? Or are you just as burned out and nervous as before?
Last week, some free subscribers said they could comment, and some said they couldn’t. I reached out to Substack support, and they said if this happens to any of you tonight, you should fully log out of Substack (by clicking the upper right profile icon and then 'sign out') and then log back in, making sure you’re using the email address you used to subscribe.
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Most definitely not feeling better this week because my kid and I are sick and so far testing negative but it feels like WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE. (Yes, I know other illnesses still exist, but also, do they??) I’ve been hit by a huge wave of fatigue and my kid, though sick, still has bouncing-off-the-walls level energy. WHYYYYYYY
Oh no!!!!! Well, other bugs are definitely going around because we had something else last week, but yes... I know what you mean. How long have you two had symptoms?
I’m still so devastated by the news about the vax not working for the 2-5 yr olds. It feels like the rest of the world is moving on and those of us with young and unvaxxed kids are just continuing to live in the shit… only now no one gives a fuck anymore.
I honestly can't imagine how that must feel. To have expected them and to have that snatched away... And then to have to deal with the repercussions all the time (like having to quarantine after every preschool exposure, etc). I'm so sorry.
It’s definitely heartbreaking and we just felt gutted as a family. We have to continue to live in this state of constantly weighing risks all the damn time. We felt like “just hold out until January and then we can breathe after they’re vaxxed.” Now? TBD…. I feel like I can’t get my hopes up again.
I am so hesitant to feel hopeful about it. And if it’s a 3 dose series, it’s going to be at least 2 months between first dose and full protection, right? 🤦🏼♀️
I think closer to 3 months (FML!) Pfizer is a 3mcg dose for the 6mo-5yrs, and didn’t mount a strong enough response for the 2-5yr olds. For the 2-5yr olds it will be started at day 0, then dose 2 is three weeks later, then dose 3 is two months after dose 2(!). And then two weeks for protection. So even if shots go into arms in March protection isn’t until June?? (Not an immunologist)
Moderna is in the placebo vs dose part of the trial and already tested dosage in the prior stage (different amounts of the vaccine to see what worked best), so fingers crossed it’s all good news in March!
Moderna’s testing 25mcg in the 2-5 crew (1/4 of the adult Moderna dosage, but more than the 10mcg Pfizer dose for 5-11 year olds). So, very different than Pfizer’s approach! (Trial mom here 🙂)
Also annoyed by still no vax for young kids thing. I send my son to daycare because we have to for our jobs, but it frustrates me that he and his friends are not vaxxed and they are all together in a little room most of the day. There have been so many quarantines, and need to get a test days, and we all got Covid through his daycare. It does feel like the people in charge do not care enough about this group.
My four year old will not stop picking fights with her older brother and being generally annoying and obnoxious. I love her but am considering listing her on Etsy. For the love of God child, JUST STOP IT. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Definitely handmade. I’ve put hours of gentle parenting into this adorable princess obsessed banshee child. I am just so sick of the nonsense tantrums.
Nobody is sleeping well in our house - even though we're all covid-free now. It's teething. It's naps when the 4yo was tired that then screwed up bedtime. Right now, for example, he finally fell asleep, and then immediately the baby woke up... one hour after she went down. My husband and I joke with one another that we are in the movie "Us" and ask one another, "When do the other parents arrive?". Please tell me they're on their way.
My 5yo is a wreck! Screaming, moaning, whining, falling over, crying, begging for attention ... and we haven't even had covid. Shouldn't they be able to amuse themselves by this point?!? And the baby only napped for 40 minutes ... well then another 30 but ON ME ... AHHHHHH
I hear you. They can so easily pick up on the stress and the confusion in the world, and then they don't know what to do with it and they become so challenging. So then we have to deal with the stress and confusion of the world.....and also our kids being impossible. It's so hard. I'm so sorry.
Thanks. It's so miserable. We are hoping to try OT for some of the issues, but there's a long wait (because like everyone else, we didn't try to do OT pre-vaccine ...). School is doing so much time on screens, and they are digging in to "blended" learning even though kids are back in the building. And there are 29 kids in the class. My suspicion is that some needs aren't getting met at school. Now I'm trying to figure out how to do the public school lottery for next year. I feel like so much tech isn't appropriate or acceptable, especially now. Am I crazy?!!
Yeah, I mean if they're spending tons of time on screens that's going to be tough for some kids, for sure! Just like requiring kids to sit still at a desk for hours isn't going to work for a lot of kids. I'm glad you're looking into OT. Have you tried engaging him in heavy work at home in the meantime? When our now 10yo was a lot younger, he had a LOT of meltdowns and it helped.
I found all the sensory stuff so hard to understand with him back then and ended up pitching and reporting a whole feature on it in order to understand it better. I'm happy to share it with you if you'd like.
I am not sure I can share a file here, and the piece is now behind a paywall. If you want to contact me via my website form, I can email a PDF to you! https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/contact/
Mama of a kiddo with sensory needs here. I’m sorry that there’s such a long wait for OT. Stuart Shanker has a fantastic book about children and emotional regulation that we found really helpful, along with the book ‘Growing an In-Sync Child.’
My son was like this (wouldn’t play independently at all, needed to be attached or connected somehow) and I feel like 5.5 was the age where he started to actually enjoy spending time alone. Why does no one tell you that in addition to all of the other responsibilities that come with parenting and being an adult, your children will simultaneously want you to be their camp counselor/cruise director?
Hi, Kelly! Doctors are so overworked and I am sure exhausted! Thank you for helping us get through this by educating the masses with good science from your IG platform. And thanks, Melinda, too, for breaking it all down and distilling it for us!
(Glad to be able to comment this week! I feel like I could write paragraphs but its nothing anyone here hasn't already thought or been through, so I thought putting it succinctly and then just SCREAMING was the best course)
Sure, but feel free to write paragraphs if it will help you! There's actually some really compelling research on the power of journaling and just putting it all out there and how it can make you feel better. Just sayin'!
Why have some employers just not gotten the message about how to support working parents during a pandemic!? For example, I work in health care/primary care, and have young unvaxxed (under 5yr) kids at home. We have been told we aren’t allowed to wear N95s at work, even if we supply them ourselves from the NIOSH-approved CDC list. Fuck asshole management!!!! Ahhhh!!!!
Luckily we have a union and we have started the official grievance process. It makes zero sense, other than the CDC says surgical masks are sufficient. I am a medical provider and being told by management (who work from home) that I will be “escorted off the premises” if found wearing an N95.
I am so, so sorry. Wishing you great success in your takedown of their evil empire.
I know you may need steady income too much to risk it, but if you feel bold enough to call their bluff, remember that as a medical professional you are a Hot Commodity these days. Everybody is understaffed.
Parents are leaving en masse... maybe I’ll join the mass exodus.
I truly believe in the work of this mission-driven organization that supports vulnerable women and families. I love the work. But the organization refuses to support working parents in many ways.
I’ve been thinking about this comment since you wrote it. I’m not sure it counts as supporting vulnerable women and families if they’re not also supporting you as a woman and your family in its vulnerability. There has to be a wholeness. If they are pro-families, that includes yours.
For one thing, you can’t do your valuable work if you are home caring for your sick kid. For another, your needs matter. Full stop.
This is so small in the scheme of things, but my daughter turned one this week, and we weren't able to do any of the traditional Jewish things for her in community when she was born because of Covid, but I told myself that when she turned one, we would do something for real. But then effing omicron came, and we had to cancel her party because various family members kept getting Covid, and it wasn't worth the risk for the exposure because if I have to keep her home from daycare for another 10 days i will lose my mind. So then I at least made her a tiny cake for her to smash so her relatives could watch on zoom and the little jerk WOULD NOT TOUCH IT. Instead she just wanted cauliflower and grapes. Instead my husband ate part of it, and then I yelled at him and cried.
I absolutely understand your response, too! Can't ONE thing go the way we want it to?? I get it. I do a lot of loud exasperating. Big things, little things, whatever, just SOMETHING go as planned already.
But also! Your kid wanted cauliflower and grapes! That is amazing! She's confident in her body and knows what she wants. Celebrate that! And happy birthday to baby!
Oh man, sending hugs. Mine turned one last July. It's so hard. Yes, so grateful he's here and well, but nobody talks about all the things that got overlooked with the new babies. I wanted so badly to just put my baby on someone else's floor and have a cup of coffee. NOPE.
Yes, and we also had a horrible time of things with miscarriages and IVF, and all that lost time meant that I didn't get to do any of the first time parent things that I imagined because the whole pregnancy and first year have been during this hellscape.
That makes it even worse. :( I miscarried before this one, and if I hadn't, that one would have been born pre-pandemic. It's so hard to take. I'm sorry.
This isn't small. These are incredibly meaningful traditions, and they're being taken away from you -- repeatedly! And then when you try to find some way to salvage them... it doesn't work. I'm so sorry. This is so hard.
Sending lots of love and solidarity—there are so many milestones and usually joyful occasions being buried under grief and anxiety right now. It’s painful. You did a great job putting together something to celebrate and I hope you grabbed that whole cake and ate it. Also, grapes and cauliflower over cake?!? The audacity!
I'm sure that one day she will only want to eat cake and refuse to eat cauliflower, and I'm glad she's in control of what she does and doesn't want to eat, but man it was hard not to take it personally.
My son is in the spot now (had candy on Halloween and is now a sugar monster) but I’m holding out hope that if I just cut the veggies in a cute enough shape he will eat them again 😂
On the cake issue, I would have also cried and 100% grabbed a handful of it to eat while hiding in the pantry crying. (I may have done that during his last zoom birthday.)
A few days ago I guess? It just dawned on me this morning (before dawn) that we were looking at a new schedule and not just a couple flukes. I cannot deal with 5:30 am. MAKE IT STOP
My sleep consultant friend could help, I bet! I can put you in touch if you need. Jojo did this when she was about 3 or 4, and I almost lost my mind, and she really helped!
My almost 8 year old has woken up with the sun since he was an infant. Eventually they grow up enough that they can entertain/feed themselves even if they wake up early, at least.
I’m so deeply in the sandwich generation I feel like a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. I have 2 kids top young for the covid vaccine and one on the way, and this weekend I’m helping my medically-vulnerable mother and aunt move. My aunt is moving into senior housing. My mother is moving into her car. How did we get to a place where a retired lady’s best housing option is a twenty-year-old SUV? Oh, right, cancer and the American healthcare system.
I’m stressed and sad and worried. I expected us as a society to do better in so many ways.
We have socialized indoors only 2 times this month and BOTH TIMES there was a close COVID contact found after the fact. On the flip side I’m so sick of shivering around a fire pit, and I’m even more sick of having to make choices from terrible options. Also snowy days with a 1.5 year old are hell, just wear the f*cking mittens!!
This is funny/not funny because my daughter has also had two indoor playdates since Xmas, and in both cases, the other kid or one of their family members came down with a fever hours after the playdate. (The first time the friend had had a rapid negative test that day, and the second time was with a family who had already supposedly had Omicron.. but nevertheless we were like noooooooooooo.)
We're in this club too, but mine argues about his hat/hood and sometimes even his coat. The walk to and from daycare is a struggle every day. Occasionally we put the coat on outside, after he's accepted the fact that it's so cold he has to wear it.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH *insert screaming opossum gif here*
Things. Are. Just. So. Hard. 😭 My health, kids, relationships, our broken healthcare system. It’s been a week of disappointment by many friends and family members.
I ugly cried in the kitchen this week making my kids' lunch because WHAT IF THE VACCINES DONT GET APPROVED FOR THE LITTLE ONES IN THE COMING FEW MONTHS and if they don't I literally don't know what I'm going to do.
I feel this so hard. If one more person says, "Well, it's someone's choice not to get vaccinated, so society isn't responsible" again my head is going to explode.
I have two sleep disorders, sleep apnea and idiopathic hypersomnia. That latter one means basically that I get sleepy and feel a deep urge to nap a lot during the day, but there doesn't seem to be a reason why other than my body is just like this. There's medication to keep me awake if I need it, but the side effects are bad. It's worse during the winter, and my 2.5 year old just gets so upset with me when I tell him that I'm tired and need to nap. He won't let me lie down and starts wailing and I understand from his POV it seems like mommy just doesn't want to play with him, but when I'm that sleepy it's a struggle to keep my eyes open. My husband does come to my rescue a lot, but the whole thing just leaves me feeling very guilty that my son doesn't get it and is upset and that my husband has to do damage control. All of this on top of the pandemic, job stress, trying to find a new job, etc.
Thank you all for seeing this/liking/commenting. It's nice just to be able to share the struggle. Most of my friends don't have kids and they can't really relate.
I’m really feeling the absence of parent community. My daughter was born in April 2020, and we’ve been so isolated. I realized recently I have no frame of reference for how to raise my kid because I haven’t seen other parents do it. Like, is my kid normal? What do I do about the sleep challenges she’s having right now? I feel like I’ve been having to become my own expert on all kinds of things (introducing solids, sleep training, developmentally appropriate activities, etc), and I’m just exhausted and burned out. It would be so nice to be around other parents and watch how they do it.
I was thinking about this the other day. My second child was born April 2020 and I am so grateful he wasn't my first because at least I had a little bit of experience under my belt. I have no idea how to find parents. Or friends. Or friends for my kids.
Yes I hope that this community could be a place to start! There are so many wonderful parents here. I wonder if I could even set something up more formally through the newsletter. Let me ponder (and if you have ideas, let me know).
I would love this. I'd love to find a way to connect with some other parents... I dunno, not to be weird, but on a more personal level than Facebook groups.
Yeah, I think it would be nice to maybe have it roughly based on age, and maybe size limited in some way? So it's easier for people to get to know each other and make friends?
Not that you don't already have a ton of stuff to do. Sorry, I'm not trying to come off sounding pushy. Just trying to help brainstorm... I think this is a great idea and something a lot of parents are missing.
I let her kick me and scream until she calms back down. It’s terrifying, like the worst tantrum and I’m not even sure she’s aware of me or anything. It’s awful. What do you do? They scare me.
It’s scary, mine does it nightly now so I actually made an phone appointment on Friday to talk with her pediatrician because none of my other children have ever done anything like this consistently. It scares me a lot.
My 4 year old is usually very game to do any activity we proposed - from running errands to taking a walk around the block. Very suddenly, she has started acting like she has oppositional defiant disorder. She refuses to do things even if she enjoys them. What do I do?
I don't know for sure, of course, but it could be that she's trying to gain more autonomy. Maybe she doesn't feel like she has much control over her life right now (and with Omicron limiting our freedom, that totally tracks) and so this is the way she's asserting it. You could try finding ways to give her more options and see if that helps -- letting her choose things she doesn't usually have much choice over (outfits, snacks, meals, etc?). It might not help, but it might.
With my resistant almost-4-year-old who responds “no” before he even realizes what’s been said, I’ve found it works better to stop saying words and just lead him into the thing I want to do.
Another rough parenting day where every step seems like a misstep, and while I KNOW no one's at their best right now, it's hard not to feel like the worst parent ever and like my kid IS the asshole, and maybe so am I, and nothing well ever get better, and my god I just need some chocolate and some sleep... T_T
Neither of you are assholes, I'm certain of that. But I do think things are going to get easier in the next few weeks. I really do. I'm so sorry, this sounds so hard.
Thanks T_T That is actually super helpful to hear, even from someone who, y'know... has never met either of us LOL... I appreciate it <3 My health means we've been almost completely quarantined since COVID began, and luckily we are all relatively well-suited to play hermit at our home, it gets to be a bit much sometimes. The background of Everything Going On These Days (TM) makes for shorter nerves and harder crashes. Maybe tomorrow will be better. (And I ate the good chocolate.)
Scream! Still here, still screaming! With kids under 5, I feel dead inside at this point, there is no little dessert or activity or idea I can do this time that will cheer me up, like in the pandemic times of yore. It feels endless, knowing more variants will come.
All of you with kids under 5, you have it the hardest, no doubt. I'm so sorry. I hope that after this wave we have a break for a while.... and that maybe we'll have vaccines for little kids this spring. (We were talking about it more below, if you want to sift through the comments.) But yes: The relentlessness is the hardest part, I think.
We’re pretty risk adverse so we chose to homeschool this year rather than risk whatever the schools chose to do. I’ve been trying to mentally get myself and the kids ready for going back to in person school next year. But I hadnt really thought through that of course schools changed their policies to go along with the cdc’s new guidelines. And I don’t know how I’m going to send them to school knowing that the kid sitting next to them at lunch might have a positive family member at home but because they’re negative and vaccinated, they’re still at school (etc with other scenarios). It was also kind of a gut punch to realize how many of my friends all over the country are going along with this guidance instead of giving more care to the impact their choices are having on community transmission and the risk to the most vulnerable around them. And all of these people I know in general take the pandemic seriously and at least 2/3rds of them have a stay at home parent so it wouldn’t be a huge inconvenience to keep the kids home. I know a lot of people have shifted to “we’re all going to get it eventually” but that’s just not something we’re going to be doing since there’s so many people we know who are likely to die if they get it, and also I’d really rather none of us have long term consequences from it either. (Also I had to unsubscribe from the NYT’s daily newsletter because I couldn’t take being told even one more time by Leonhardt that we’re being unreasonably cautious because for kids and vaccinated adults “COVID is less dangerous than riding in a car” which might be true for death and serious acute illness but definitely isn’t for long term illness or things that might crop up later. Like a study from Israel found kids getting long COVID about 11% of the time and my kids definitely don’t sustain an injury that lasts for months every tenth time they get in a car.)
Anyway. Even among people who are vaccinated and wearing masks, it’s just exhausting to often be the most cautious person in a group, and to constantly be reminded that you’re doing a lot more to make sure you aren’t spreading a dangerous virus around your community than anyone else seems to be doing for you. Exhausting and lonely.
So much this. Yes, I get that my kids are unlikely to die from this, but long COVID scares the shit out of me. Plus whatever else could come of this that we don't even know about yet.
I hope you know you aren’t alone in holding the line. We’re staying home as much as possible and wearing our masks when we can’t. We don’t want to get sick or bring Covid to anyone. It’s so frustrating to watch everyone disregard the possibilities.
I got your book for Christmas and can’t wait to start reading it!! I’m all in on finishing Abigail Tucker’s Mom Genes first. I can only really read in the fleeting time frame between when my kids go down and before I crash for the night, so it’s slow going but I’ll get there.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sometimes I wish daycare was open on Saturdays
My 14 year is so surly, so obnoxious and I'm OVER IT. More so, it's so hard to find other parents to talk too. It all gets so ....competitive . It's dumb. So very dumb.
Hiiiiiiii! How's everyone doing tonight? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Most definitely not feeling better this week because my kid and I are sick and so far testing negative but it feels like WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE. (Yes, I know other illnesses still exist, but also, do they??) I’ve been hit by a huge wave of fatigue and my kid, though sick, still has bouncing-off-the-walls level energy. WHYYYYYYY
Oh no!!!!! Well, other bugs are definitely going around because we had something else last week, but yes... I know what you mean. How long have you two had symptoms?
Started yesterday for both of us. Ruined our plans to have a Grandma sleepover before she left for a month-long vacation! Ugh.
oh nooooooooooo. I'm so sorry.
Oh and this is coming at the tail end of my husband working 16 days straight of long shifts so I was already DONE!
We had the same issue earlier this month—all Covid symptoms but negative tests Ahhhhhhhhhh
AAAAAAHHHHHH ! So great to be here!
Oh yay, you're able to comment this time! HI!
Yes! Screaming from CA! :) Nice of you to host the screamers. Always great to let off some steam.
I’m still so devastated by the news about the vax not working for the 2-5 yr olds. It feels like the rest of the world is moving on and those of us with young and unvaxxed kids are just continuing to live in the shit… only now no one gives a fuck anymore.
I honestly can't imagine how that must feel. To have expected them and to have that snatched away... And then to have to deal with the repercussions all the time (like having to quarantine after every preschool exposure, etc). I'm so sorry.
It’s definitely heartbreaking and we just felt gutted as a family. We have to continue to live in this state of constantly weighing risks all the damn time. We felt like “just hold out until January and then we can breathe after they’re vaxxed.” Now? TBD…. I feel like I can’t get my hopes up again.
Yeah ... I feel like my 18 mo will not get one until he's 2. It makes me SO mad.
That was the most crushing feeling. I REALLY thought they were going to be vaccinated by the end of last year, and now…??????
Same!!! Who knows now - I hear some experts predict March, but that’s assuming the 3-dose series works.
I am so hesitant to feel hopeful about it. And if it’s a 3 dose series, it’s going to be at least 2 months between first dose and full protection, right? 🤦🏼♀️
I think closer to 3 months (FML!) Pfizer is a 3mcg dose for the 6mo-5yrs, and didn’t mount a strong enough response for the 2-5yr olds. For the 2-5yr olds it will be started at day 0, then dose 2 is three weeks later, then dose 3 is two months after dose 2(!). And then two weeks for protection. So even if shots go into arms in March protection isn’t until June?? (Not an immunologist)
Oh god I think you’re right.
Have you heard about Moderna's trials? Could their results come soon? (The disappointing results were just with Pfizer right?)
Ok so this article suggests Moderna data will come in March. I don't know how they conducted the trials though.... for instance if they tested with very low doses like Pfizer did, or not? https://www.reuters.com/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/moderna-expects-covid-19-vaccine-trial-data-children-aged-2-5-march-2022-01-12/
Yeah we will see if Moderna hops over Pfizer…
Moderna is in the placebo vs dose part of the trial and already tested dosage in the prior stage (different amounts of the vaccine to see what worked best), so fingers crossed it’s all good news in March!
Moderna’s testing 25mcg in the 2-5 crew (1/4 of the adult Moderna dosage, but more than the 10mcg Pfizer dose for 5-11 year olds). So, very different than Pfizer’s approach! (Trial mom here 🙂)
I ugly cried out of (seemingly) nowhere this week about this.
Also annoyed by still no vax for young kids thing. I send my son to daycare because we have to for our jobs, but it frustrates me that he and his friends are not vaxxed and they are all together in a little room most of the day. There have been so many quarantines, and need to get a test days, and we all got Covid through his daycare. It does feel like the people in charge do not care enough about this group.
My four year old will not stop picking fights with her older brother and being generally annoying and obnoxious. I love her but am considering listing her on Etsy. For the love of God child, JUST STOP IT. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Handmade or vintage? I hear your burnout and empathize.
Definitely handmade. I’ve put hours of gentle parenting into this adorable princess obsessed banshee child. I am just so sick of the nonsense tantrums.
Four is SUCH A HARD AGE. I feel you.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Nobody is sleeping well in our house - even though we're all covid-free now. It's teething. It's naps when the 4yo was tired that then screwed up bedtime. Right now, for example, he finally fell asleep, and then immediately the baby woke up... one hour after she went down. My husband and I joke with one another that we are in the movie "Us" and ask one another, "When do the other parents arrive?". Please tell me they're on their way.
the disruption of bedtime by non-routine naps suuuuucks
The relentlessness. It's the worst.
Physically fine, mentally, emotionally not so much. I am rolling with the punches but its just enough.
ENOUGH. yes
My 5yo is a wreck! Screaming, moaning, whining, falling over, crying, begging for attention ... and we haven't even had covid. Shouldn't they be able to amuse themselves by this point?!? And the baby only napped for 40 minutes ... well then another 30 but ON ME ... AHHHHHH
I see you. I am you. They don't put this in the brochure.
Thank you. It is so awful. Like just do something for one minute PLEASE.
It does feel like they should be masters of self-entertainment by now, but alas, it’s maybe actually the opposite?!?
Right. I thought it would get better. But it's SO MUCH WORSE!!!
I hear you. They can so easily pick up on the stress and the confusion in the world, and then they don't know what to do with it and they become so challenging. So then we have to deal with the stress and confusion of the world.....and also our kids being impossible. It's so hard. I'm so sorry.
Thanks. It's so miserable. We are hoping to try OT for some of the issues, but there's a long wait (because like everyone else, we didn't try to do OT pre-vaccine ...). School is doing so much time on screens, and they are digging in to "blended" learning even though kids are back in the building. And there are 29 kids in the class. My suspicion is that some needs aren't getting met at school. Now I'm trying to figure out how to do the public school lottery for next year. I feel like so much tech isn't appropriate or acceptable, especially now. Am I crazy?!!
Yeah, I mean if they're spending tons of time on screens that's going to be tough for some kids, for sure! Just like requiring kids to sit still at a desk for hours isn't going to work for a lot of kids. I'm glad you're looking into OT. Have you tried engaging him in heavy work at home in the meantime? When our now 10yo was a lot younger, he had a LOT of meltdowns and it helped.
I found all the sensory stuff so hard to understand with him back then and ended up pitching and reporting a whole feature on it in order to understand it better. I'm happy to share it with you if you'd like.
Please post for all of us! ❤️
I am not sure I can share a file here, and the piece is now behind a paywall. If you want to contact me via my website form, I can email a PDF to you! https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/contact/
Mama of a kiddo with sensory needs here. I’m sorry that there’s such a long wait for OT. Stuart Shanker has a fantastic book about children and emotional regulation that we found really helpful, along with the book ‘Growing an In-Sync Child.’
Thank you, looking it up now!
Not crazy. I’d be upset about lots of screens at school at that age too. That would not work for my kiddo.
Thank you for the validation! I felt like the school was trying to say I was the crazy one.
My son was like this (wouldn’t play independently at all, needed to be attached or connected somehow) and I feel like 5.5 was the age where he started to actually enjoy spending time alone. Why does no one tell you that in addition to all of the other responsibilities that come with parenting and being an adult, your children will simultaneously want you to be their camp counselor/cruise director?
I think everyone in NYC had covid. Because they all called me. #tiredpediatrician
OMG how busy have you been? I cannot imagine the calls you're getting.
Hi, Kelly! Doctors are so overworked and I am sure exhausted! Thank you for helping us get through this by educating the masses with good science from your IG platform. And thanks, Melinda, too, for breaking it all down and distilling it for us!
And you're moving too, right? Holy hell.
Um yes, and my 4 year old had a daycare shutdown. OF COURSE.
Nooooooooooo omg.
I worry constantly about the well being of my nearly-2 and barely-3 year olds. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(Glad to be able to comment this week! I feel like I could write paragraphs but its nothing anyone here hasn't already thought or been through, so I thought putting it succinctly and then just SCREAMING was the best course)
Sure, but feel free to write paragraphs if it will help you! There's actually some really compelling research on the power of journaling and just putting it all out there and how it can make you feel better. Just sayin'!
Why have some employers just not gotten the message about how to support working parents during a pandemic!? For example, I work in health care/primary care, and have young unvaxxed (under 5yr) kids at home. We have been told we aren’t allowed to wear N95s at work, even if we supply them ourselves from the NIOSH-approved CDC list. Fuck asshole management!!!! Ahhhh!!!!
Wait whaaaaaaat? What's their rationale?
Luckily we have a union and we have started the official grievance process. It makes zero sense, other than the CDC says surgical masks are sufficient. I am a medical provider and being told by management (who work from home) that I will be “escorted off the premises” if found wearing an N95.
This makes absolutely no sense!!
The validation feels amazing… thanks y’all
Yeah, no, it's insane, full stop.
This is horrific and totally unscientific. I am aghast and so sorry!!!!!
Ummm I cannot with this. What in the actual???
What???
I am so, so sorry. Wishing you great success in your takedown of their evil empire.
I know you may need steady income too much to risk it, but if you feel bold enough to call their bluff, remember that as a medical professional you are a Hot Commodity these days. Everybody is understaffed.
Parents are leaving en masse... maybe I’ll join the mass exodus.
I truly believe in the work of this mission-driven organization that supports vulnerable women and families. I love the work. But the organization refuses to support working parents in many ways.
I’ve been thinking about this comment since you wrote it. I’m not sure it counts as supporting vulnerable women and families if they’re not also supporting you as a woman and your family in its vulnerability. There has to be a wholeness. If they are pro-families, that includes yours.
For one thing, you can’t do your valuable work if you are home caring for your sick kid. For another, your needs matter. Full stop.
None of this makes any sense. I feel for you that you have to choose between staying employed and not feeling safe at your employment.
This is so small in the scheme of things, but my daughter turned one this week, and we weren't able to do any of the traditional Jewish things for her in community when she was born because of Covid, but I told myself that when she turned one, we would do something for real. But then effing omicron came, and we had to cancel her party because various family members kept getting Covid, and it wasn't worth the risk for the exposure because if I have to keep her home from daycare for another 10 days i will lose my mind. So then I at least made her a tiny cake for her to smash so her relatives could watch on zoom and the little jerk WOULD NOT TOUCH IT. Instead she just wanted cauliflower and grapes. Instead my husband ate part of it, and then I yelled at him and cried.
How disappointing! I fully understand your response to it.
I absolutely understand your response, too! Can't ONE thing go the way we want it to?? I get it. I do a lot of loud exasperating. Big things, little things, whatever, just SOMETHING go as planned already.
But also! Your kid wanted cauliflower and grapes! That is amazing! She's confident in her body and knows what she wants. Celebrate that! And happy birthday to baby!
Loud exasperating. Yep. All day.
Oh man, sending hugs. Mine turned one last July. It's so hard. Yes, so grateful he's here and well, but nobody talks about all the things that got overlooked with the new babies. I wanted so badly to just put my baby on someone else's floor and have a cup of coffee. NOPE.
Yes, and we also had a horrible time of things with miscarriages and IVF, and all that lost time meant that I didn't get to do any of the first time parent things that I imagined because the whole pregnancy and first year have been during this hellscape.
That makes it even worse. :( I miscarried before this one, and if I hadn't, that one would have been born pre-pandemic. It's so hard to take. I'm sorry.
This isn't small. These are incredibly meaningful traditions, and they're being taken away from you -- repeatedly! And then when you try to find some way to salvage them... it doesn't work. I'm so sorry. This is so hard.
This is so hard. I'm sorry.
Sending lots of love and solidarity—there are so many milestones and usually joyful occasions being buried under grief and anxiety right now. It’s painful. You did a great job putting together something to celebrate and I hope you grabbed that whole cake and ate it. Also, grapes and cauliflower over cake?!? The audacity!
I'm sure that one day she will only want to eat cake and refuse to eat cauliflower, and I'm glad she's in control of what she does and doesn't want to eat, but man it was hard not to take it personally.
(Also now I am eating the leftover frosting plain, because I am an adult and nobody can stop me.)
Yesss!
Fully support this!
My son is in the spot now (had candy on Halloween and is now a sugar monster) but I’m holding out hope that if I just cut the veggies in a cute enough shape he will eat them again 😂
On the cake issue, I would have also cried and 100% grabbed a handful of it to eat while hiding in the pantry crying. (I may have done that during his last zoom birthday.)
I laugh-cried reading this because I so get it. It’s about so much more than the cake.
Why is my 3 year old suddenly waking up at 5:30 am every day. WHY.
Oh no!!!!!! Since when?
A few days ago I guess? It just dawned on me this morning (before dawn) that we were looking at a new schedule and not just a couple flukes. I cannot deal with 5:30 am. MAKE IT STOP
My sleep consultant friend could help, I bet! I can put you in touch if you need. Jojo did this when she was about 3 or 4, and I almost lost my mind, and she really helped!
Thanks! I have a couple ideas I’m going to try and if they don’t work, I’ll cry Uncle and get your friend’s help.
Please tell us her name. I haven’t slept through the night since 2016.
Arielle Greenleaf. She is with Restfully Sleep. https://www.restfullysleep.com/
And here she is on IG! You should reach out. https://www.instagram.com/r_e_lgreenleaf/
Thank you!
OMG. I'm so sorry.
THE WORST. Solidarity. We consider 5:30 a win with my 3 year old
My almost 8 year old has woken up with the sun since he was an infant. Eventually they grow up enough that they can entertain/feed themselves even if they wake up early, at least.
I’m so deeply in the sandwich generation I feel like a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. I have 2 kids top young for the covid vaccine and one on the way, and this weekend I’m helping my medically-vulnerable mother and aunt move. My aunt is moving into senior housing. My mother is moving into her car. How did we get to a place where a retired lady’s best housing option is a twenty-year-old SUV? Oh, right, cancer and the American healthcare system.
I’m stressed and sad and worried. I expected us as a society to do better in so many ways.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, this is heartbreaking.
Oh, Bea. I am so, so sorry.
We have socialized indoors only 2 times this month and BOTH TIMES there was a close COVID contact found after the fact. On the flip side I’m so sick of shivering around a fire pit, and I’m even more sick of having to make choices from terrible options. Also snowy days with a 1.5 year old are hell, just wear the f*cking mittens!!
Oh god, the mittens. A battle than cannot be won.
There with you with a 1.5 year old. Didn't even leave the house today. :(
This has happened to us way too often lately.
It’s not even worth it to leave the house, 45 min to get ready for a maximum 7 minutes of screaming outside!
This is funny/not funny because my daughter has also had two indoor playdates since Xmas, and in both cases, the other kid or one of their family members came down with a fever hours after the playdate. (The first time the friend had had a rapid negative test that day, and the second time was with a family who had already supposedly had Omicron.. but nevertheless we were like noooooooooooo.)
We're in this club too, but mine argues about his hat/hood and sometimes even his coat. The walk to and from daycare is a struggle every day. Occasionally we put the coat on outside, after he's accepted the fact that it's so cold he has to wear it.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH *insert screaming opossum gif here*
Things. Are. Just. So. Hard. 😭 My health, kids, relationships, our broken healthcare system. It’s been a week of disappointment by many friends and family members.
I ugly cried in the kitchen this week making my kids' lunch because WHAT IF THE VACCINES DONT GET APPROVED FOR THE LITTLE ONES IN THE COMING FEW MONTHS and if they don't I literally don't know what I'm going to do.
I feel this so hard. If one more person says, "Well, it's someone's choice not to get vaccinated, so society isn't responsible" again my head is going to explode.
I’ve had this same fear!!! Same. Same. Same. I’m with you 100000%
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHGGHHHGHHHHH
I have two sleep disorders, sleep apnea and idiopathic hypersomnia. That latter one means basically that I get sleepy and feel a deep urge to nap a lot during the day, but there doesn't seem to be a reason why other than my body is just like this. There's medication to keep me awake if I need it, but the side effects are bad. It's worse during the winter, and my 2.5 year old just gets so upset with me when I tell him that I'm tired and need to nap. He won't let me lie down and starts wailing and I understand from his POV it seems like mommy just doesn't want to play with him, but when I'm that sleepy it's a struggle to keep my eyes open. My husband does come to my rescue a lot, but the whole thing just leaves me feeling very guilty that my son doesn't get it and is upset and that my husband has to do damage control. All of this on top of the pandemic, job stress, trying to find a new job, etc.
Oh that sounds really hard.
Oh my gosh, yes, this sounds so stressful and difficult. I'm so sorry.
Thank you all for seeing this/liking/commenting. It's nice just to be able to share the struggle. Most of my friends don't have kids and they can't really relate.
I’m really feeling the absence of parent community. My daughter was born in April 2020, and we’ve been so isolated. I realized recently I have no frame of reference for how to raise my kid because I haven’t seen other parents do it. Like, is my kid normal? What do I do about the sleep challenges she’s having right now? I feel like I’ve been having to become my own expert on all kinds of things (introducing solids, sleep training, developmentally appropriate activities, etc), and I’m just exhausted and burned out. It would be so nice to be around other parents and watch how they do it.
How do I find other parents?
I need this too!
I was thinking about this the other day. My second child was born April 2020 and I am so grateful he wasn't my first because at least I had a little bit of experience under my belt. I have no idea how to find parents. Or friends. Or friends for my kids.
Do you have any local parenting groups on Facebook?
I'm not sure if there's a way to share my email address with you privately, but if there is and you want we can try to be pen pals?
Er... I meant to the posters looking for some parent friends
haha yes I figured you meant that!
Yes I hope that this community could be a place to start! There are so many wonderful parents here. I wonder if I could even set something up more formally through the newsletter. Let me ponder (and if you have ideas, let me know).
I would love this. I'd love to find a way to connect with some other parents... I dunno, not to be weird, but on a more personal level than Facebook groups.
Maybe I can start some kind of penpal email group? Or a few, based on the ages of the kids? I'm not sure. I'll think on this.
Yeah, I think it would be nice to maybe have it roughly based on age, and maybe size limited in some way? So it's easier for people to get to know each other and make friends?
Not that you don't already have a ton of stuff to do. Sorry, I'm not trying to come off sounding pushy. Just trying to help brainstorm... I think this is a great idea and something a lot of parents are missing.
Yes!! I feel this too!
My quarantine kid wakes up with night terrors every night for the last month and I’m not doing ok!
I’m so sorry! Mine just had her first one and it was terrifying. Have you figured out how to deal with it?
I let her kick me and scream until she calms back down. It’s terrifying, like the worst tantrum and I’m not even sure she’s aware of me or anything. It’s awful. What do you do? They scare me.
Ohhhhh night terrors are the worst. I should write a newsletter about how to handle them because I never knew, either!
I would LOVE that, also it’s nice just knowing I’m not the only one dealing with this.
I don't know if this might help? https://www.sleepfoundation.org/parasomnias/night-terrors
I ended up just watching her throw all her books on the floor and then run up and down the hallway while feeing like the worst parent ever
It’s scary, mine does it nightly now so I actually made an phone appointment on Friday to talk with her pediatrician because none of my other children have ever done anything like this consistently. It scares me a lot.
My 4 year old is usually very game to do any activity we proposed - from running errands to taking a walk around the block. Very suddenly, she has started acting like she has oppositional defiant disorder. She refuses to do things even if she enjoys them. What do I do?
Same here. I have no answers but it is miserable.
I don't know for sure, of course, but it could be that she's trying to gain more autonomy. Maybe she doesn't feel like she has much control over her life right now (and with Omicron limiting our freedom, that totally tracks) and so this is the way she's asserting it. You could try finding ways to give her more options and see if that helps -- letting her choose things she doesn't usually have much choice over (outfits, snacks, meals, etc?). It might not help, but it might.
With my resistant almost-4-year-old who responds “no” before he even realizes what’s been said, I’ve found it works better to stop saying words and just lead him into the thing I want to do.
Another rough parenting day where every step seems like a misstep, and while I KNOW no one's at their best right now, it's hard not to feel like the worst parent ever and like my kid IS the asshole, and maybe so am I, and nothing well ever get better, and my god I just need some chocolate and some sleep... T_T
Neither of you are assholes, I'm certain of that. But I do think things are going to get easier in the next few weeks. I really do. I'm so sorry, this sounds so hard.
Thanks T_T That is actually super helpful to hear, even from someone who, y'know... has never met either of us LOL... I appreciate it <3 My health means we've been almost completely quarantined since COVID began, and luckily we are all relatively well-suited to play hermit at our home, it gets to be a bit much sometimes. The background of Everything Going On These Days (TM) makes for shorter nerves and harder crashes. Maybe tomorrow will be better. (And I ate the good chocolate.)
I'm glad you ate the good chocolate. Sending hugs.
Scream! Still here, still screaming! With kids under 5, I feel dead inside at this point, there is no little dessert or activity or idea I can do this time that will cheer me up, like in the pandemic times of yore. It feels endless, knowing more variants will come.
All of you with kids under 5, you have it the hardest, no doubt. I'm so sorry. I hope that after this wave we have a break for a while.... and that maybe we'll have vaccines for little kids this spring. (We were talking about it more below, if you want to sift through the comments.) But yes: The relentlessness is the hardest part, I think.
We’re pretty risk adverse so we chose to homeschool this year rather than risk whatever the schools chose to do. I’ve been trying to mentally get myself and the kids ready for going back to in person school next year. But I hadnt really thought through that of course schools changed their policies to go along with the cdc’s new guidelines. And I don’t know how I’m going to send them to school knowing that the kid sitting next to them at lunch might have a positive family member at home but because they’re negative and vaccinated, they’re still at school (etc with other scenarios). It was also kind of a gut punch to realize how many of my friends all over the country are going along with this guidance instead of giving more care to the impact their choices are having on community transmission and the risk to the most vulnerable around them. And all of these people I know in general take the pandemic seriously and at least 2/3rds of them have a stay at home parent so it wouldn’t be a huge inconvenience to keep the kids home. I know a lot of people have shifted to “we’re all going to get it eventually” but that’s just not something we’re going to be doing since there’s so many people we know who are likely to die if they get it, and also I’d really rather none of us have long term consequences from it either. (Also I had to unsubscribe from the NYT’s daily newsletter because I couldn’t take being told even one more time by Leonhardt that we’re being unreasonably cautious because for kids and vaccinated adults “COVID is less dangerous than riding in a car” which might be true for death and serious acute illness but definitely isn’t for long term illness or things that might crop up later. Like a study from Israel found kids getting long COVID about 11% of the time and my kids definitely don’t sustain an injury that lasts for months every tenth time they get in a car.)
Anyway. Even among people who are vaccinated and wearing masks, it’s just exhausting to often be the most cautious person in a group, and to constantly be reminded that you’re doing a lot more to make sure you aren’t spreading a dangerous virus around your community than anyone else seems to be doing for you. Exhausting and lonely.
YES, DAMMIT. Survival is great and all, but none of us need a chronic illness, especially those who started off with at least one.
So much this. Yes, I get that my kids are unlikely to die from this, but long COVID scares the shit out of me. Plus whatever else could come of this that we don't even know about yet.
I hope you know you aren’t alone in holding the line. We’re staying home as much as possible and wearing our masks when we can’t. We don’t want to get sick or bring Covid to anyone. It’s so frustrating to watch everyone disregard the possibilities.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I got your book for Christmas and can’t wait to start reading it!! I’m all in on finishing Abigail Tucker’s Mom Genes first. I can only really read in the fleeting time frame between when my kids go down and before I crash for the night, so it’s slow going but I’ll get there.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sometimes I wish daycare was open on Saturdays
My 14 year is so surly, so obnoxious and I'm OVER IT. More so, it's so hard to find other parents to talk too. It all gets so ....competitive . It's dumb. So very dumb.