Ooh this is so fascinating! I’ve been raised in a family culture that never considered teens to be particularly rebellious and my brother and I never were. Your article has given me a lot of great context on how I was raised and some idea for what I can do when we approach that age with my kid.
I work w kids 6-17. Honestly? The teens are my favorites. Ages 6-12 are way less fun bc they can’t focus and most of the time is spent on trying to get them just to listen to basic instructions(never mind follow them). Obviously there are many exceptions. But the teens keep me going.
Thank you so much for this post. I so needed it. My daughter is 10 and I have had enough of feeling terrified of what's to come. I agree that these stereotypes are fed to them, also by films, TV series, You Tube channels and Tik Tok videos. I work in film and it pains me to see the clichés in representations, particularly around tween / teenage girls and the mannerisms that they are meant to switch on from the moment they enter those years. And the unsupportive dynamics they create among each other, often driven by popularity and other teen stereotypes fed to them by media and tired narratives. I honestly rejoice every time I watch a film/TV show when something else is highlighted about teenage life that is not mean friendships, alcohol, drugs, excesses or general obnoxiousness. It's like a breath of fresh air (the film Rocks by Sarah Gavron is a beacon of light in that respect). So your words encourage me. However, it is just hard when the parents' community around also seems to perpetuate these stereotypes/ doesn't challenge them.
YES! I have been so frustrated by the depictions of teens in TV shows. My kids and I watch a lot of teen shows together and we frequently comment on it. "Why are they always drinking?" etc. As much as I hate these characterizations, they are also a great opportunity to talk about the stereotypes and why they are wrong and harmful!
My kids are 21, 17, 15. My feeling is that teens are just slightly amped up versions of who they were as elementary school kids. My 21 struggled mightily, but he has struggled to regulate for much of his life. The 17 and 15 year olds are a delight most of the time. I told my husband just last week how much I am loving this stage with the younger two. We have such great conversations.
My teenaged son was always (slightly) a social misfit, and as a result of that, we (were recommended to) pushed him into the Boy Scouts. There the images are of responsible, evenhanded, kind, high character young men. All good qualities in teens, and he grew into each of those, even to making Eagle Scout. He was musical too, and being part of the orchestra, hardly a wild crowd, also helped to keep him level headed, away from drugs, etc.
We talked often at home about bad teen behavior because he, and both of his sisters attended a high school where kids were more well-off, had all advantages, and were less supervised. All of my teens grew to know how the rich, entitled kids got into trouble, had access to too much time alone, drugs, fast cars, little parental supervision, and each of them chose not to associate with those “wilder” teens. We discussed often those (high school) pressures and how to resist them. Both of my girls were proud to be in sports and not involved in groups that acted out.
Surely, it does matter that parents expect their teens to follow the right, and positive, path, and I believe that teens are capable of understanding and meeting our (greater) expectations of them. Thanks for writing about this topic. So needed at this time (after the release of “Adolescence.”)
Ooh this is so fascinating! I’ve been raised in a family culture that never considered teens to be particularly rebellious and my brother and I never were. Your article has given me a lot of great context on how I was raised and some idea for what I can do when we approach that age with my kid.
So glad it resonated and was helpful!
I work w kids 6-17. Honestly? The teens are my favorites. Ages 6-12 are way less fun bc they can’t focus and most of the time is spent on trying to get them just to listen to basic instructions(never mind follow them). Obviously there are many exceptions. But the teens keep me going.
Love this!
Thank you so much for this post. I so needed it. My daughter is 10 and I have had enough of feeling terrified of what's to come. I agree that these stereotypes are fed to them, also by films, TV series, You Tube channels and Tik Tok videos. I work in film and it pains me to see the clichés in representations, particularly around tween / teenage girls and the mannerisms that they are meant to switch on from the moment they enter those years. And the unsupportive dynamics they create among each other, often driven by popularity and other teen stereotypes fed to them by media and tired narratives. I honestly rejoice every time I watch a film/TV show when something else is highlighted about teenage life that is not mean friendships, alcohol, drugs, excesses or general obnoxiousness. It's like a breath of fresh air (the film Rocks by Sarah Gavron is a beacon of light in that respect). So your words encourage me. However, it is just hard when the parents' community around also seems to perpetuate these stereotypes/ doesn't challenge them.
YES! I have been so frustrated by the depictions of teens in TV shows. My kids and I watch a lot of teen shows together and we frequently comment on it. "Why are they always drinking?" etc. As much as I hate these characterizations, they are also a great opportunity to talk about the stereotypes and why they are wrong and harmful!
My kids are 21, 17, 15. My feeling is that teens are just slightly amped up versions of who they were as elementary school kids. My 21 struggled mightily, but he has struggled to regulate for much of his life. The 17 and 15 year olds are a delight most of the time. I told my husband just last week how much I am loving this stage with the younger two. We have such great conversations.
My teenaged son was always (slightly) a social misfit, and as a result of that, we (were recommended to) pushed him into the Boy Scouts. There the images are of responsible, evenhanded, kind, high character young men. All good qualities in teens, and he grew into each of those, even to making Eagle Scout. He was musical too, and being part of the orchestra, hardly a wild crowd, also helped to keep him level headed, away from drugs, etc.
We talked often at home about bad teen behavior because he, and both of his sisters attended a high school where kids were more well-off, had all advantages, and were less supervised. All of my teens grew to know how the rich, entitled kids got into trouble, had access to too much time alone, drugs, fast cars, little parental supervision, and each of them chose not to associate with those “wilder” teens. We discussed often those (high school) pressures and how to resist them. Both of my girls were proud to be in sports and not involved in groups that acted out.
Surely, it does matter that parents expect their teens to follow the right, and positive, path, and I believe that teens are capable of understanding and meeting our (greater) expectations of them. Thanks for writing about this topic. So needed at this time (after the release of “Adolescence.”)