It’s Been Two Years!!

A huge thanks to you — and some reflections on why we're here.

Two years ago this week, I started this newsletter. So today, I want to take few minutes to reflect on why I write Is My Kid the Asshole? and why I’m so grateful to all of you. To celebrate, I’m running a 20% off sale on paid subscriptions through the end of the month:

Back in December 2020, I didn’t know much (if anything) about newsletters, but I knew I wanted to be a force for good in the parenting sphere. We were almost a year into the pandemic, and I’d spent a good portion of that year trying to help parents navigate difficult pandemic decisions in stories I wrote for The New York Times.

I’d noticed, however, that the focus on parenting at the Times was starting to dwindle; my Slate parenting column stalled during the pandemic, too, due to funding woes. These changes worried me, because good parenting journalism is essential. I mean, isn’t parenting the hardest job in the world — especially during and after a pandemic? Don’t parents need more support now, rather than less?

As I pondered my (waning) options in the parenting writerly world, I watched another nefarious trend unfold, too: Terrible parenting advice was everywhere. In preparation for my book launch, I’d begun following self-described parenting experts on Instagram, and while some of them were amazing, others made me want to throw myself under a bus. After just two minutes of scrolling, I often felt like a complete failure of a mother, because I’d get the sense that there was only one right way to parent, and that I was doing it wrong. What I read made parenting feel exclusive rather than inclusive; much of the advice felt impossible, too — which, I later realized, was probably the point. Some of these experts wanted parents to feel inadequate; they wanted us to feel we needed to buy their products and services in order to get parenting “right.”

There are many, many reasons why parents today are exhausted, but I think the explosion of unrealistic, fear-mongering parenting advice is a key driver. It’s wrong, and it’s dangerous, fueling the ongoing epidemic of parent anxiety and burnout.

Here’s the thing: Based on my understanding of the research on child development, I knew that so much of the parenting advice I was seeing wasn’t accurate. Many experts were telling parents what they thought was important based on what strategies worked for them — even though they often had far more resources than the average family. Others were giving advice based on some obscure theory that may or may not ever have been evaluated in an objective way. Some influencers were outright trying to be controversial and fear-mongery: If you want your social media posts to go viral and convert into sales, it helps if you whittle complex ideas down into pithy, provocative, anxiety-provoking memes.

That was when I realized that I wanted to create a space that would be an antidote to this misinformation. Is My Kid the Asshole? is my counter-narrative. My goal has always been to empower parents, rather than scare them. To share tips that will make their lives easier, rather than harder. To ensure that parents feel included and validated, rather than excluded and ashamed. I don’t always succeed, and I’ve certainly made mistakes. But over the past two years, I’ve been working towards bringing balance to parenting advice through careful reporting and nuance — something that Instagram posts, TikTok videos and tweets can’t provide, but that long-form, evidence-based parenting journalism can.

Happy birthday Mr. Dinosaur….

That’s why, for this newsletter, I have been digging deep into issues you care about and have been trying to expand crucial conversations about parenting. I evaluate the science behind popular parenting advice and customs. I rebut ridiculous claims and dig into the science behind trendy parenting approaches. I highlight problematic parenting practices, explain why kids do seemingly silly things, answer specific parenting questions with rigorous reporting, and share deeply reported essays on big parenting topics. I also try to make sense of the broader world that parents inhabit by sharing insights about education, exploring the many reasons mothers in particular are overextended and under-supported, discussing strategies for supporting our mental health, and identifying ways we as a society can make things better for families.

In the two years since I launched Is My Kid the Asshole?, I’ve interviewed more than 75 experts specifically for the newsletter, including psychologists, social media experts, disability activists, occupational therapists, audiologists, criminologists, pediatricians, pain researchers, gender therapists, educational consultants, neurologists, economists, feeding specialists and nutritionists. I’ve learned so much, and I continue to learn more every day.

I learn from you all, too — constantly. In our weekly discussion threads, occasional group chats and your comments, I’ve been blown away by your thoughtfulness, your wisdom, and your generosity. You buoy each other. You share resources and ideas. It’s been spectacular to witness. I feel so fortunate, every day, that you regularly show up for each other — and for me and my work.

There’s another reason I’m more grateful for your support than ever right now. As I’ve mentioned already, very few publications invest in parenting journalism — I blame sexism, as parenting is still considered “women’s work” — and even fewer publications pay parenting writers a living wage. I’ve been able to supplement my income in recent years with other kinds of writing, most recently by writing the weekly Well newsletter for The New York Times (which was amazing and has supplied most of my income this year). But that was only a temporary gig, and three weeks ago, it ended. I’ll still be writing for the Times, but I’m not sure yet just how frequently, so I’m relying more than ever on my Substack community. Although I strive to make more than half of my essays free so that everyone can read them, I’m thrilled that my paid community has more than doubled in size since September, and I can’t emphasize enough that Every. Subscription. Helps. (Also: If you can’t afford a paid subscription right now but really want to join our community, email me and I’ll make it happen.)

So I’d like to raise a toast to all of you. Thank you for your support, and thank you for taking a stand against unfair, unhealthy, sexist parenting standards. Thank you for always being curious and open-minded. Thank you for embracing science, and independent parenting journalism, and each other. Thank you for everything.

Other fun news: Ryan Holiday’s recent “Daily Dad” email, titled “This Will Make Your Life (And Kids) Better,” featured my book as its very first recommendation! “Melinda Wenner Moyer is a writer and a thinker after our own heart,” it said (yay). Read the full post here.

Portugal’s Público newspaper profiled me and my writing! If you read Portuguese, you can check out the article here.