My Kids Aren't My Only Obligations
Let's vent about unrealistic demands on our time and availability. Plus: Why do kids make us so mad?
My September book giveaway ends tomorrow! Enter to win a copy of three wonderful new books: Devorah Heitner’s Growing Up in Public, Emily Edlynn’s Autonomy-Supportive Parenting, and Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s Never Enough:
Today’s weekly thread is rooted in a need to let off steam. Let me start by saying: I know that parenting comes with lots of time demands. And I know that I made a choice to be pulled in lots of directions when I decided to become a parent.
I also value the work that teachers and coaches do — so, so, so much. They are woefully under-paid (many coaches volunteer their time for free!) and under-appreciated. And I understand that shit happens and plans sometimes have to change at the last minute.
Even so, sometimes I feel like there is an implicit assumption that parents are expected to be Always Available. That we simply exist to accommodate our children’s needs and that we have no other demands on our time.
What do I mean? Well, here are three examples of things that have happened recently that I found difficult to manage in the moment:
A teacher held an after-school meeting but didn’t tell parents when it might end, the assumption being (I guess) that all students could either walk home or text/call a parent and request an immediate ride when it was over.
A school field trip scheduled to return after school got out was delayed by an extra hour and no one notified parents (so I sat on a bench, waiting, wondering what was going on).
A coach emailed parents 29 minutes before practice started to tell us that practice would end a half hour earlier than usual.
Just want to add: My kids also have teachers and coaches who are extraordinarily thoughtful about parent obligations and very communicative — I do think that is possible, though I imagine it takes a lot of forethought. And again, I know that coaches and teachers are not supported in the ways that they need to be. But I also think that the first step to addressing unrealistic societal assumptions about parenting is to make them more visible.
Now it’s your turn! What assumptions have people recently made about your time or availability that have felt unrealistic or unfair? Please share in the comments!
Why Do Kids Push Our Buttons?
And now for this week’s
I’m commenting on this post from @motherhoodtherapy, which has nearly 800 likes:
Here are my thoughts.