I Went to a Science Conference With My Kids and Became a Total Hypocrite

What happened when my values — and the reality of the world we live in — clashed.

As I mentioned in Tuesday’s newsletter, I spent last weekend in Boulder, Colorado at the annual conference of the National Association of Science Writers. Usually, my husband — he’s a science journalist, too — and I alternate years so that one of us can stay home with the kids. But this year, we were both invited to speak, and we decided to bring our kids along with us.

In many ways, it worked out great. We got to enjoy Boulder as a family, and I got to see lots of old work colleagues, many of whom I hadn’t seen since before the pandemic.

But so overtly mixing my work and family life was also uncomfortable at times. There were difficult moments when my values as a parent butted up against society’s expectations of me as a working mother — and I wasn’t sure quite what to do.

I’ll give you an example. Last Saturday morning, my husband was serving on a conference panel later that day and I was going to bring the kids to the session to see him. My daughter started getting dressed and picked out a stained, oversized Frost Valley T-shirt to wear along with sweatpants.

Readers, I cringed. I didn’t want my daughter meeting the editors I work with in a stained T-shirt and sweatpants. I wanted her to look nice! I gently asked her if she might like to dress up a little since we were going to a conference. She said nope, no thanks.

I went on to explain that work attire is typically a little fancier than sweatpants and T-shirts and she replied: “But mom, why? Why does my appearance matter?”

She then pointed to her brother, who was dressed in athletic shorts and a T-shirt and said: “Why haven’t you asked him to dress more nicely, too?”