I Joined a Choir and Embarrassed Myself

Bring it on. Our healthy risk-taking is good for our kids.

A few weeks ago, I joined a choir. I used to sing in high school and college, but, apart from the very occasional karaoke night, I haven’t sung much since. Yet in December, I felt empty and lost and realized that I wanted to find a new creative outlet. I happened upon an article in our local paper about a chorale in Westchester and decided to join.

Joining anything is not easy for me. I am shy, so the idea of showing up alone to a room full of strangers who all knew each other— especially when I wasn’t sure how well I’d sight-read after 20 years or what my voice would sound like — was, frankly, terrifying. In choirs, everyone susses out the new kid. What if I made a fool of myself? What if nobody liked me? What if I wasn’t good enough?

First, I got lost trying to find the rehearsal room. I eventually found someone who directed me. Next, I had to share music with someone, and because I hadn’t remembered my glasses, I could barely read the music she was holding from a distance and kept messing up. Because my voice was out of practice, I also had a really tough time hitting the high notes without sounding like a dying cat.

But it was okay. During that first rehearsal, the conductor said something along the lines of, “I would rather you confidently sing the wrong note than not sing at all out of fear of messing up. That’s how you learn.”

And, I thought to myself, it’s how you grow as a human being.

I’ve had a few opportunities for this kind of, um, growth. Most recently, in this week’s practice, while singing Arvo Pärt’s gorgeous Nunc Dimittis, I brazenly started singing — by myself — a beat too early. Was I mortified? Absolutely. Everyone heard. The conductor even gave me a look and said (nicely), “Sopranos, be sure to count!”

But I reminded myself: Taking risks is how you learn. And I was able to laugh it off. We’ve all been there. And I realized, too, that my experiences could be good for my kids.