How to Talk to Kids About Israel and Gaza
Six expert-backed recommendations for handling these difficult conversations.
A few weeks ago I wrote a newsletter on how to talk to kids about anything, and I also shared a podcast I’d done on talking to kids about war. But today, I want to address the specific issue of talking to kids about what’s happening in Israel and Gaza.
This is all really, really, really hard, and it’s only getting harder as more terrible events unfold. I find myself struggling each day to grapple with what’s going on while also going about the day-to-day minutiae of raising my children. And then I consider the additional duty of supporting my kids as they learn about what’s happening, and sometimes it all just feels like too much.
So, as much for me as for you, today I’m going to share six strategies that can help you talk to your kids about what’s going on. And I do think that we should talk to school-aged kids about what’s happening, because they’re likely to be exposed to information about the crisis elsewhere. We need to show our kids that we are willing to address their questions and concerns, correct misconceptions and misinformation, and make sure our kids feel safe.
Check in with yourself and try to stay calm.
Many of us have extremely powerful feelings about what’s happening — of course we do. But — to whatever degree we can — we should strive to stay calm when we talk to our kids about what’s happening.
If you’re considering bringing up the issue, first check in with yourself to see if how you’re feeling. If you’re upset, try to regulate your emotions (deep breaths help!) and wait a few minutes until you’re feeling better.
Ask open-ended questions.
The hardest thing about these conversations, for me, is knowing where and how to start. Questions are a great way in because your child’s answers provide information that can guide what you say next. Your first question can be as simple as, “Have you heard anything about what’s happening in Israel and Gaza?” And then you could follow up with more questions, like “Do you have any questions?” “Have you heard anything that confuses or scares you?”
If your child doesn’t indicate having heard anything, or doesn’t seem interested in discussing the issue, you don’t have to push it. But close the conversation by saying something like, “Well, if you do hear something and you’re not sure what to think about it, I’m always here,” or “If you end up having questions, you can always come to me.”