How to Talk to Kids About ICE and Keep Them Safe

Last week, I wrote about how to talk to kids about <gestures wildly> all the terrible things going on in the world. One reader noted that my advice was helpful for people on the outside of various issues — but what if an issue directly impacts your family? How do you have scary but necessary conversations about their safety? And what should you tell them to do?

There’s no shortage of issues to zero in on, of course, but today I’ll write about how help kids understand and stay safe in situations involving ICE. It’s important for kids to know their rights, even as those rights, and how they’re interpreted and enforced, may be shifting based on recent developments.

I’m certainly not an expert on these issues, so I’m drawing my reporting from trustworthy immigration-focused resources including the Immigrant Legal Resource Center and from recent reporting on policy changes affecting enforcement.

Explain what ICE is and what they do.

How you choose to describe ICE is, of course, up to you, and it will likely depend on how old your kids are. I’d recommend starting with a question — “Have you heard about ICE?” or “Do you know what ICE is?” — and using their answer as a jumping-off point.

You could start with something like, “ICE is a government group that enforces immigration laws, which determine who can live in the United States. ICE can decide if someone has to leave the country.” You can add more context, too, for instance about the fact that families are being separated because of where they were born or how they came to the country, and that people are being hurt or killed by ICE when they shouldn’t be. With older kids, you can also explain that law enforcement agencies have rules about when they can enter a home, and that those rules are currently the subject of public debate and legal challenges.

Make sure your child memorizes or carries key contact information.

It’s important for your child to know who to contact if they are approached by ICE or if loved ones are detained. Ideally, have them memorize the full name and phone number of a parent and at least one other trusted adult, such as a relative, friend, or neighbor. Make sure their school or daycare has emergency contacts on file so they can call the right person if a parent doesn’t pick them up.

If they can’t memorize the info, create a small emergency card for your child to keep in their coat or backpack with this information:

• Child’s name

• Phone numbers and full names of parents

• Phone numbers and full names of trusted adults

• Address

• Allergies / medical notes

Explain what they should do if an ICE agent is at your home or nearby.

Here are some key things to communicate to your child if they are old enough to understand and follow directions. (If not, move onto the next section.) You could start by saying something like, “There are lots of people who love you and are keeping you safe. But there are some things you should know if you ever encounter an immigration agent when I’m not with you.” You could even try role-playing or walking through such a scenario calmly — not as a scare tactic, but to help kids practice what to do, much as they would do during a fire drill.

1. Tell them not to open the door to anyone they don’t know and to go get a trusted adult.

2. Tell your child to ask through the door: “Do you have a warrant signed by a judge?” and “I cannot open the door without my parents here.” If they don’t want to talk, get them a red card, as described below. (Even though ICE has recently claimed broader authority using administrative warrants, not judicial warrants, that policy is being challenged.)

3. Tell them not to answer any questions.

4. Tell them they can ask for a trusted adult or a lawyer.

5. Tell them not to sign anything.

6. If they’re outside and they encounter an agent, tell them to move to a safe indoor space with adults.

You may also want emphasize to your child that if they are ever confused or scared, it’s okay to say “I don’t understand” and to look for a trusted adult. Kids do not have to answer questions just to be polite, and they don’t have to protect adults by talking.

And if your child ever does encounter immigration agents — even if just briefly — check in with them afterward. Ask them how they’re feeling, answer questions honestly, and reassure them that feeling shaken is normal.

​Give your child a “red card” with written rights.

Advocacy groups and legal services can provide red cards — small cards that state basic legal rights during encounters with immigration officers. If your child doesn’t want to talk to an ICE officer, or is too young to follow detailed directions, you can tell them to show this card instead. You can print red cards here. Give one to your child and keep one by your front door.

Red cards essentially say:

• “I choose to remain silent.”
• “I do not give permission to enter.”
• “I want to speak to a lawyer.”

Create a family preparedness plan.

This thorough document from the Immigrant Legal Resource Center will walk you through creating a family preparedness plan, which includes how to make a child care plan if you’re detained, what to do if your child has medical conditions, what your immigration options are, and more. Assure your child that they will be taken care of if you are unable to, and make sure they know who to call if you don’t pick them up from school or daycare (and/or make sure the school/daycare has registered a person authorized to pick them up). It’s also worth asking your child’s school or daycare about their policies. Many schools have clear rules about not releasing children to immigration authorities without parental permission or proper legal documentation.

Remember that you have the right to make decisions about your child’s care if you are detained.

If ICE arrests a parent, that parent is allowed to make arrangements for the child’s care, and to ask to make those arrangements before being taken into custody, unless there are specific concerns about neglect or safety. ICE is supposed to wait until that person arrives and is not supposed to leave a child alone. In most cases, children are not supposed to be detained simply because a parent is arrested. A parent also does not have to tell an agent about a child’s immigration status.

Keep in mind….

One final thought: kids don’t need to deeply understand immigration law. What helps most is that children and teens know that the adults in their lives are paying attention, making plans, and keeping them safe. You can share information in small, age-appropriate pieces, calmly practice what to do once or twice, and remind your child that if they’re ever unsure or scared, the most important thing is to try to find a trusted adult. Even in turbulent times like this — when policies are changing and enforcement feels terrifying and unpredictable — calm preparation is often the best approach.

What are your thoughts? Share in the comments.

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