How To Raise Fat-Positive Kids

Why and how to talk to kids about weight stigma, fatphobia, and thin privilege.

Welcome to Is My Kid the Asshole?, a newsletter from science journalist and author Melinda Wenner Moyer, which you can read more about here. If you like it, please subscribe and/or share this post with someone else who would too.

Dear Is My Kid the Asshole?,

I'm fat, and my kids are not. I love my body and my life, and I work hard to overcome the biases I was taught growing up. I strive to teach my kids about fatphobia and to instill fat acceptance in them. I envision the world that fat activists strive for, in which our world is open and accessible to all, regardless of size and without qualification. BUT I live in this fatphobic, biased world, and so do my kids. What do I say when they tell me about fatphobic stuff they hear from a gym teacher or friend? How can I help my kids be true allies to me and their peers? In short, how do I help my kids not be assholes when it comes to fatness?

Sincerely,

Body Positive

Dear Body Positive,

This is a great question, and one that I suspect many parents have struggled to answer. For insight, I called my friend Virginia Sole-Smith, a journalist and author who writes the excellent newsletter Burnt Toast (which is about navigating diet culture and fatphobia in parenting), as well as fat activist and researcher Ragen Chastain, who writes the fantastic new newsletter Weight and Healthcare (which examines weight science and weight stigma).

Before I address this question, I also want to acknowledge that I have, and have always had, thin privilege. I have never experienced weight stigma or fatphobia, and I imagine that navigating these issues as a parent is a very different, and much more difficult, experience for those who have. My children, too, have never — to my knowledge — been targets of fatphobic comments or bullying, so I do not have experience handling those issues as a parent, either.

But no matter your or your child’s body size, or what they have or haven’t experienced, it’s crucial to talk to them about weight stigma and fatphobia. It’s “something we should be actively doing as parents in the same way we need to actively be talking about racism and sexism,” Sole-Smith said. “It's part of how you talk to your kid about being a good person.”