How To Navigate School Mask Changes

What's the best way to talk to your kids about the shift to mask-optional?

If one thing is consistent about this pandemic, it’s that everything is always changing. On Friday, the CDC revised its masking recommendations, announcing that schools only need to require masks when coronavirus rates and hospitalizations are high. Now, many states — including New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Washington, Oregon and California — have announced plans to lift school mask requirements. My kids’ school is going mask optional tomorrow, and I know, because I’m on the text chains, that many parents are scrambling to figure out how to talk to their kids about it.

Regardless of how you feel about these changes — every family has different circumstances and considerations — many kids are soon going to be navigating a very different world at school. Here are five tips to make the transition easier.

1. Talk to your kids about the upcoming change so that they know what to expect.

This isn’t a change you want to spring on your kids, so be sure they know what’s happening, when, and why. How you frame it is, of course, up to you, but I appreciated this advice from Scary Mommy:

“Before talking to kids, make sure you’ve come to terms with how you feel,” said Dr. Aliza Pressman, the co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast. “For example, if you’re anxious, sort through that so you don’t impose those feelings on your child. If you’re excited, try not to minimize your child’s feelings or force them to feel the excitement. Basically, come to terms with how you feel so you have space to be curious about how your child feels.”

Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, co-founder of Little House Calls, added that it’s important to be clear and concise when telling your kids the news. “Kids feel safe when their world feels predictable — or as predictable as possible. Explain that there are experts — scientists, doctors, public health officials — who now believe that it’s no longer as risky not to wear a mask, particularly given that so many people have gotten vaccinated. Name for them that yes, this is a change in policy, and that sometimes laws change when we have more, or new, information.”

2. Determine what your expectations are and discuss them.

Don’t assume that your child knows what you expect when it comes to mask-wearing. If you have a strong opinion, unpack it with your kid (after ensuring that you and your partner, if you have one, are on the same page). Explain why you feel the way you do, and give your child the chance to share their thoughts, too. This probably goes without saying, but you’ll have more control over what younger kids do than what older kids do.

You may also want to mention that your expectations could change. Right now, while Covid numbers are low, some of my friends are allowing their kids to make their own decisions regarding mask-wearing — but they have also said to their kids that they reserve the right to ask them to wear masks again if Covid numbers rise.

3. Explain that peers may make different choices, and that they should treat everyone with respect.

No matter what you decide, your kids are going to encounter classmates — maybe even close friends — who have made different choices than they have. So it’s important to explain to your child how they should consider these differences, and how they should react to them.

You could say something like, Some of your friends may have made the opposite decision, and that’s OK. Different families have different circumstances and priorities, and we won’t always know what has shaped their choices, or what kinds of pressures they face. But I expect you to treat everyone with kindness and respect no matter what they do.

One of the foundations of empathy and compassion is a recognition that different people can have different needs, beliefs and experiences — so these kinds of conversations help kids build key social emotional skills.

4. Prepare them for how to respond to classmates’ questions or comments.

If you’re worried about what other kids might say to your child about their masking decision, consider creating and practicing scripts. Role-playing can be a powerful way to prepare kids for potentially difficult or awkward situations.

If, say, your child plans to continue wearing a mask, talk through how they might respond to classmates who ask them why. The same goes if you’re worried that your child could be interrogated for not wearing a mask. Essentially, you want to help your kid come up with a response that feels comfortable and authentic. It could be as simple this is my choice, and I don’t have to tell you why.

If your child experiences peer pressure or bullying at school based on their masking choice, listen to them, mirror back what you hear, and empathize before jumping in with advice. If the bullying continues, talk to their teacher or a school psychologist or administrator and devise a school safety plan, in writing, that outlines what the school will do to address the issue.

5. Remember that transitions are hard, so expect bumps and be supportive.

Some kids are, of course, going to feel more anxious about this change than others. Kids who are high-risk, have a high-risk family member, or who are germophobic (like my 7-year-old) are probably going to struggle the most. Ask them what specifically they’re worried about, and try your best to ease their concerns. One thing that might be reassuring: Wearing an N95 mask provides a significant amount of protection, even if no one else is wearing one.

But even kids who aren’t particularly nervous about Covid-19 or masking changes might have a hard time over the coming weeks. Kids have been wearing masks at school for two years now, so no matter how you or your kids feel about the change, it’s exactly that — a change. And changes can bring anxiety and challenging behavior, including irritability, clinginess, meltdowns, and regression (when kids start doing things they haven’t done in a long time, often things you really didn’t miss).

So if you start noticing more challenging behavior, don’t dismay. It will likely pass, but until it does, your kid might need extra patience and support. Even if you’re a family who’s comfortable going mask-free, your child may need to ease into the change at school — they may not be used to feeling so visible and exposed in front of their peers — so stash a mask in their backpack just in case. And try, if you can, to maintain a regular routine at home, which can give struggling kids an important sense of control.

Wondering how to talk to kids about what’s going on in Ukraine? Read my new piece in The New York Times.

I also recently wrote about pandemic burnout, how it can affect your body, and what you can do about it, and I wrote a piece about what causes (and can help prevent) morning headaches. By beat these days seems to be we are all falling apart, aren’t we.

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