How To Make Friends

As a parent, it can be hard. Research can help.

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I don’t know about you, but I find it really hard to make new friends. It’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life, and I have spent a good amount of time unpacking it with my therapist. I’ve always had social anxiety (though for a long time I didn’t know it) — I constantly tell myself that I’m not interesting enough, or that I’m awkward, and that people don’t actually want to hang out with me. My discomfort sometimes causes me to come across as aloof, which then causes people to pull away, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It’s extra hard to make friends as an adult and a parent — we have so little time, and we ideally want to be aligned with adult friends in terms of our values. Research suggests that as many as one-third of parents are chronically lonely. So how can we overcome our fears and loneliness and make new friends?

A couple of weeks ago, I had the great fortune of hearing psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco speak at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association. Dr. Franco is the author of the book Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Make You Make—And Keep—Friends. She admitted that she, too, has had trouble making friends throughout her life, and that she decided to dig into the science of friendship to help her, and others, find connection. Today I want to share four key myths she shared about companionship as well as simple research-based advice for making friends.