Help! My Kid Has An Enormous Crush
Plus: What to do when your babysitter repeatedly flakes.
TGIF, everyone. It’s been a week over here! I hope you all are hanging in there. If not, feel free to vent in the comments. It’s always welcome.
Today I’m answering two reader questions I’ve gotten over the last few weeks. Please, if you have a parenting conundrum, submit it here! I love answering reader questions, so keep ‘em coming. Or take it to the chat if you’d like a faster, or crowdsourced, answer.
Gah! My Babysitter Keeps Oversleeping!
Q: We recently hired a 20-something babysitter to provide regular help with our three kids. A few days a week she’s supposed to arrive at our house at 7:45am to take two of the kids to school while I stay home with the baby. But over the past couple of weeks, she’s overslept…. twice. I would consider firing her, but we can’t find anyone else in our rural area, so I want to make it work! She always feels really bad, but it’s super frustrating, because when she flakes, I have to scramble to get myself ready to drive the kids, and then my baby always falls asleep in the car, which messes up her nap and screws up the rest of our day. Any suggestions?
A: This is extremely frustrating. I have found it IMMENSELY difficult to find reliable childcare, but it’s doubly frustrating when you are in a rural community and working with a very small pool of potential sitters to begin with.
It’s a good sign that she feels really bad — I think nothing is worse than a sitter who flakes and doesn’t even seem to care. Still, I would consider sitting down with her at a neutral time (not when you’re all riled up) and doing a couple of things. One, I think that you should make clear to her exactly how her oversleeping affects your entire family. I think sometimes sitters without kids (I assume yours doesn’t have any) have no idea of all the logistics involved in parenting. It’s important that she understand the entire situation and how her choices (even if they are accidental) affect you, because then she may be more motivated to change.
I would then try to engage her in collaborative problem-solving. Tap into her compassion. Maybe you say: “I can tell you feel really bad about sleeping in. I know you’re not doing it on purpose! But I’d love to figure out what might be going on that is contributing to the problem. Would you be willing to share what you do to get yourself up in the morning, so we can figure out where things are going wrong and try to fix them?”
Maybe you find out that her alarm clock keeps glitching — so then you suggest that she get a replacement (you could even offer to buy it for her). I have friends who swear by two alarm clocks — one next to the bed and one back-up clock across the room that gets them out of bed.
I’d also consider ways to buffer the impact of her oversleeping in the event that it happens again. Perhaps you ask her to text you when she wakes up on the mornings she works for you — so if you don’t get that text, you know to start calling her and/or start getting ready in case you have to drive.
One final piece of general advice if you have a regular childcare provider: Draw up a contract that explicitly lays out your expectations, her rights, and what happens in various scenarios. (If she feels sick, does she test for Covid? Who provides the tests? Does she get paid days off? Paid sick leave? Etc.) I’ve done this with my past two after-school babysitters and it prevents a lot of miscommunication and frustration. Also, try to convince your sitter to be paid on the books — it’s better for everyone.
My 6-Year-Old Has a Crush. Can I Make It Stop?
Q: My 6-year-old has a long awaited playdate scheduled with a boy she crushed on all last year. She’s still into him even though she didn’t see him all summer and they aren’t in the same class at school. She has written him all these notes and made presents out of play dough and made him a bracelet, and wrapped it all up in a fancy decorated box to give him at the playdate… and I’m just cringing about it because I just don’t think he’s into her at all any more. I’ve observed a couple of their passing interactions and he’s cool and borderline rude to her. So I kind of want to gently suggest she not shower him with gifts … but also if she does do that and he’s rude or mean about it, maybe it’ll kill her crush?? And I would very much like that. Help!
A: Oof. I do not envy you in this situation! No parent wants to see their child’s heart broken. I 100% understand the urge to step in — but also totally understand wanting to nip this crush in the bud.