A Better Way to Think About Screen Time

Life-changing advice from 2023, part 1

As 2023 comes to a close, I’ve been reflecting on the advice I’ve heard or read this year that has stuck with me. Often, what really resonates is advice that flips a common narrative on its head, making me think about an issue in a different way. A better way. A way that makes me feel less stressed out.

There’s so much fear over kids and technology these days, and it’s only getting worse. And for good reason: Many experts are pointing to screens as a major culprit in the explosion of mental health disorders among teens. I personally believe the causes of these worrisome trends are many and complex — the research on screens is difficult to interpret and not yet conclusive — but I agree that social media, especially, can be harmful for kids’ brains, social lives and self-esteem.

Yet having an understanding that this technology can be harmful, and knowing exactly what to do about it with your kids, are two very different things. Especially since taking social media away from kids who use it to stay connected with friends also poses mental health risks.

This is one major reason why the screen time issue keeps so many parents up at night: We have identified a problem, but we don’t yet have good solutions. We feel worried, yet helpless and impotent.

I was reeling in this helplessness one night earlier this year while I was reading psychologist

Emily Edlynn

‘s new (and excellent!) book Autonomy-Supportive Parenting. I was perusing her chapter on screen time, hoping to get some actionable and reasonable advice.

Then I stumbled across a paragraph that made me sit up straight. I read it again, then again. And I thought: OMG, yes, this. What she wrote was so simple, but it made me think about the issue in a totally new way.

Here’s what she wrote: